Hawkeye State

Last One Out, Hit the Lights

2007-08-04T15:46:00.000-05:00

This will almost certainly be the final post at Hawkeye State.

Now, before you go crazy and start questioning the meaning of life, let me assuage your fears. Long-time readers know of my affinity for Steve Alford's Hair Gel, the immensely entertaining Iowa basketball blog. But there isn't always that much news on Iowa, and it soon became obvious that we were each covering the same material in almost the same style (for example, take a look at our basketball coaching short list, compared with their short list, published within 12 hours of each other). The fact is, you deserve better. As an Iowa fan, you deserve to have all the news covered with wit and irreverence in one place.

That place is The Hawkeye Compulsion, the new joint venture of HS and The Hairgel. Four writers, one topic, and updated far more frequently than my little old corner of cyberspace. And the topics I don't really follow (like recruiting) will likely be covered by someone who cares far more about such things. So fear not, loyal readers. I have not left you.

It's been a fun (almost) year here, and thanks for reading. I'll hopefully see ya at my new place.

Follow me! Follow me to freedom!

So Who's Sir Robin?: Big Ten Blog Roundtable, Round 1

2007-08-01T17:00:00.000-05:00

The first installment of the Big Ten Bloggers roundtable comes courtesy of Badger Sports. Enjoy.

The press and the coaches will be predicting the Big Ten champ at the Hyatt Regency in Chicago on Wednesday. That's fine, but overdone. In lieu of boilerplate predictions of who will come out on top, which Big Ten team will be the most surprising? Remember, surprises can be good or bad; the underdog who comes out of nowhere to share the title is just as surprising as the favorite who winds up with five losses and no bowl bid.

I'll go ahead and say it: The Ohio State University, and it's not a good surprise. They lose a Heisman winner at quarterback, the most explosive receiver/returner in the conference, Antonio Effing Pittman, and more than half of their starting units on both sides of the football. Throw in games at Big Blue and PSU, and it feels like 2005 all over again. Well, except for the beatdown in Kinnick (Iowa doesn't have tOSU on the schedule this season). In case you forgot:

Imagine it's December, and the consensus in the media is that your team's season was "surprising." Is this a Good Thing or a Bad Thing? What would have to happen for you to consider your team's season surprising?

Oh, that's a very good thing. Iowa has been "surprising" since 2002. In 2002, they came from nowhere to gain a share of the Big Ten championship. In 2003, they lost the Heisman runner-up and still won 10 (and kicked the crap out of Florida in their own backyard). In 2004, they had literally no running game (anyone else remember Brownlee?) and STILL won a share of the Big Ten crown. One of the writers for CBS Sportsline had Iowa at #2 entering 2005 based solely on the fact that he was tired of being proven wrong.

It was at that point that "surprising" became a bad thing. Two disappointing seasons, culminating with last season's 2-6 mark in the conference, have diminished expectations yet again. Now "surprising" would be a 10-win season and a run at the title. That, my friends, is a very good thing.

A preseason player of the year will also be dubbed in Chicago. For your team to succeed, which player or unit is going to have to put forth a "player of the year" performance? What's the one position that would take your team to the next level if it performs above expectations?

The defensive line will make or break Iowa in 2007. Norm Parker's one-play playbook is predicated on the pass rush, especially with a thoroughly mediocre secondary. When we have it (Matt Roth, Aaron Kampman, etc.), we win. When we don't, we lose. It's been that simple for 7 years. With Mattison and Iwebema on the ends, and the enigmatic Mitch King in the middle, they certainly have the capability of doing just that.

Which Big Ten team's out-of-conference schedule would you most want to have this year? Why? Do you think your team will have out-of-conference losses this year?

We don't have Big Blue or OSU this year, so I want Michigan's schedule just so I can see Notre Dame and Oregon. Everyone else seems to be intent on scheduling the powerhouse programs of 1-AA and the various directions of Michigan. Not exactly a barnburner noncoference slate, and a real problem for those of us who are inclined to argue Big 10 supremacy.

Here's a chance to look like a complete genius in a few months: pick the biggest in-conference upset that will happen this season. Justify your prediction!

October 27, 2007. Minnesota catches Big Blue in a Grade A Trap Game (Michigan's next three are at MSU, at Wisconsin, and vs. the Sweater Vests). Yes, Minny will most likely suck this year. But they may have a little brown chance at the Little Brown Jug.

Say something nice about the Big Ten school whose name precedes yours alphabetically. Say something mean about the one that comes after.

Indiana gave us Myles Brand, who is known far and wide as a scholar and a gentleman. His visionary leadership gave us the NCAA you know today.

Michigan stole our school president, and then plunged her into a Supreme Court case over admissions. Also, Ann Arbor is a whore.

USC: great football program, or greatest football program? Also, how about that SEC? Damn, those guys are fast!

USC? Greatest program ever in the history of the world...of Warcraft. As for the SEC, Jim Delaney has already told us they are fast because their heads are lighter. I'm comfortable with that.

The Helium Baloon that is the Big Ten Conference: Expansion Mania!

2007-07-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

After reading this article with El Capitan and Jimmy Delaney from USA Today, I've got a fever, and the only prescription is a post on Big Ten expansion. (By the way, I know I'm about the last Big Ten blogger to post on this topic, and it's been covered ad nauseam on mGoBlog, Black S hoe Diaries, PJS, etc. I'm slow, I know, and I also know this post will mention plenty of things that have already been mentioned by my Big Ten blogging brethren.)

The expansion talk has come back due to nothing other than the Big Ten Network, meaning that the conference's biggest potential boondoggle has brought back one of the big intraconference debates in recent history. It feels like the Imus firing.

With that, onto the short list of potential candidates:

NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH

Positives: Best possible fit of academics/athletics/location; already rivals with Michigan (and to a lesser extent MSU/Purdue/Indiana); would improve national exposure, even beyond the levels created by Big Blue/tOSU/Penn State; possible Fat Weis jokes are, for all intents and purposes, endless; possible Malpractice Weis jokes almost as plentiful; museum-esque stadium rules are positively comical; great road trip every other year

Negatives: Might not want in for a variety reasons (everyone focuses on the money they're making on the NBC deal, but there's a certain amount of "remember what happened to PSU" at play, to be sure); despite all the Ironman echoes in Iowa City, not a real rival for the Hawks; even money chance of being arrested in South Bend; their basketball program is thoroughly Iowa-like, and that certainly won't help the hoopsheads

Prognosis: They're the natural choice if they want it, and the kamikaze flirting between the conference and ND for the past two decades is well-known. I don't think they make a move until their current football contract is up (mGoBlog has it at two years). If the BTN is still alive at that point, the conference might have enough money to finally make this worth their while. Odds are 7:2.

MISSOURI TIGERS

Positives: Geographic and academic fit; another program that is ever-so-slightly south, at least by Big Ten standards; a couple of big media markets (StL, KC) open up; natural rival of ILLINI and potential rival of Iowa; one of the few candidates that would shift the balance of the conference westward

Negatives: When you think about it, don't their athletics kinda suck? This is one of the great maybe-sleeping-giant, maybe-red-headed-stepchild programs in the country; consistently losing players from their own backyard (to OU and NU in football, UK & Rock Chalk in hoops); member of the old Big 8, and might not want to leave that; doesn't have the necessary excitement factor; would leave one less team in the Big XII to ruin ISU's season with a devastating late loss

Prognosis: This one makes a lot of sense, but it's certainly not exciting. Seems that Delaney's goal is to sell cable packages, and I don't know how successful this pick would be at accomplishing that. Odds are 5:1.

LOUISVILLE CARDINALS

Positives: More geographically reasonable than any non-ND candidate; up-and-coming athletic program, with legitimate football and basketball (if you're looking at the last five years, the best football/basketball combo in play); opens up the south, if ever so slightly; free breadsticks at Pappa John's Stadium; they're capable of hiring Rick Pitino and Bobby Petrino; have we so quickly forgotten the beatdown they put on Miami? Let's go to the videotape:

Negatives: While they're a geographic fit, they don't seem to be much of a cultural match for the Yankee Big Ten; might be a flash in the pan, especially with the departure of Petrino; academics are a serious issue; already jumped ship into the Big East just a couple of years ago, and might not be in the mood for another move; they're also capable of hiring John L. Smith; Papa John's breadsticks suck, even if they're free

Prognosis: mGoBlog is right; the academics are a big concern, and the presidents won't get behind a twelfth team if it dilutes the Big Ten's academic standing. Throw in the relatively short history of academic success, and I say probably not. Odds are 6:1.

PITTSBURGH PANTHERS

Positives: Finally gives Penn State a geographic rival; recently strong in basketball; historically decent in football, even if recent results have been lackluster; academically sufficient; would bring former quarterback and TV detective Tyler Palko to the conference

Negatives: Doesn't really bring any new markets to the table (PSU seems to be just as big, if not bigger, in Pittsburgh); based on recent results, this seems to be a basketball-first move for a conference/network that is football-needy; feels like we're bringing them in just to make PSU happy; has more traditional rivals in its current conference; another move to the east; I hate Dan Marino

Prognosis: This just doesn't feel like the great fit that other people seem to think it is. Pitt seems happy in the Big East, with West Virginia on the schedule every year, a constant chance at a conference football championship, and top-tier basketball competition (not to say the Big Ten isn't top-tier, but it's usually not as deep as the Big East). I just don't see this happening. Odds are 8:1.

NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS

Positives: I hate to admit it, but they're a legendary football program (and recently strong in baseball); no more a geographic problem than PSU was 15 years ago; probably the program most harmed by the Big XII's TV deal (as already pointed out by mGoBlog); maniacal fanbase on par with UM, OSU, PSU, etc.; take your current stock of ISU jokes, change the names, and you're set for pregame heckling; there is nothing more enjoyable than reading the Omaha World-Herald after a Husker loss

Negatives: While they've been working on the academics, they're still not in the Big Ten's league; no basketball program to speak of (in the words of the Frenchmen from Monty Python, "We've already got one!"); another old-school Big 8 member who might not move (especially if it means they lose games against Boomer Sooner); I don't think Omaha qualifies as a top-notch media market pickup; Lincoln police are pricks

Prognosis: Absolutely my favorite pick, but it seems this process is being controlled by the eastern teams. While adding Rutgers/Syracuse/any other non-ND Big East team would leave Iowa and Minnesota with virtually unreachable conference road games, you would hear far more from PSU/OSU/UM if a team was added to the west. Throw in the academic issues and natural Nebraska adversity to change, and I have a hard time seeing this come to pass. Odds are 10:1.

SYRACUSE ORANGEMEN

Positives: Historically good football; always a great basketball program; facilities are good, if drab; not an extremely bad geographic pick (though it would be a real trip from Iowa City); academics are solid to great; Otto the Orange kicks total ass; was the topic of the first post we ever did; great football uniforms

Negatives: They currently suck hard at football, though they are slowly improving; might not be too keen on leaving the Big East

Prognosis: The best way to get east coast exposure without blowing up the travel budget for all programs west of Chicago. That being said, the consensus seems to be that nobody in New York City cares about the Cuse, and God knows nobody west of Buffalo cares, either. There's not a lot to make this a bad pick, but there's not a lot of upside, either. Odds are 15:1.

STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW JERSEY SCARLET KNIGHTS

Positives: Academically sufficient; opens NYC markets; yada yada yada, you've heard it all before

Negatives: Have you looked at a globe? New Jersey is a friggin' hike; nobody in NYC cares about college sports, and the inclusion of Rutgers isn't going to make New Yorkers interested in Purdue/Indiana field hockey; short-term success, but nobody knows how long this will last; the unfortunate return of Vivian Stringer

Prognosis: Negative. I HATE this choice. It makes absolutely no sense geographically, and it brings little to the table athletically or academically. If Delaney's singular focus is getting into New York, well, this is the pick. Let's just ask Gob Bluth what he thinks about that decision:

That's what I thought. Odds are 15:1.

THE OTHERS

Texas - Heh. Good one.
Boston College - Makes about as much geographic sense as BC in the ACC...oh, wait...
West Virginia - They can't even read.
Iowa State - See West Virginia.
Kentucky - Wouldn't leave the SEC if you put a shotgun to their head.
Cincinnati - Too small.

And the favorite?

NOBODY - 2:1

Name This Recurring Post

2007-07-21T12:19:00.000-05:00

So, the first time I posted a link roundup, the first story was about ESPN stealing other people's stuff. I called that post "It's Not Plagarism if You Link to It." I've called each collection of links since then the same thing. But I just realized I hate that title, and I can't think of a better one this morning. So send in your suggestions, if you so desire.

Big Ten previews will (hopefully) continue this week. Also, I don't want to alarm anyone, but HS reader Dominic has located the elusive J.C. Love Jordan (for those of you who are new, you can catch up on the JCLJ story here). I'm going to try to get an interview next week.

Finally, the Big Ten blog community is in the process of forming an unholy alliance, headed by the three-headed dragon of Dave from Maize n' Brew, Sean from Around the Oval, and Mike from Black Shoe Diaries. Details are still to come, but look for a lot more collaboration between the blogs (weekly roundtables, guest appearances, free stuff).

Now, the week that was:

I've spent the week watching Kige Ramsey on Youtube Sports, and it's obvious why.

Well, Pacman Jonesin' got an interview with our generation's Kronkite. Its brilliance is undeniable. Kige is like a little Buddha covered in an old Al Del Greco jersey.

Ames lost their best returning scorer due to an apparent lack of class. Well, that and the stealing. The stealing certainly didn't help. By the way, with the losses of Smith and Haluska for Iowa and now Taylor at ISU, the rivalry game might be the first 0-0 tie in the history of college basketball.

If you like music, and especially old bootlegs and live performances, take a look at That Truncheon Thing. Springsteen in 1978, Van Morrison in 1970, Radiohead at Reading, the Wilco YHF demos, they've got it all, as well as some interesting writing.

The Sporting Orange has found the guy voting on SportsCenter's "Who's Now" segments. He also loves UFC and Nickelback. I'd make a joke, but everyone in Davenport seems to love UFC and Nickelback, and I don't want to get the Reginald Denny on the way to my car.

Holy crap, Tommie Frazier is rapping:

And, finally, Viva el Sergio! (When will he choke away the lead? Over/under hole 14).

Our True Enemy Has Yet to Reveal Himself: Minny

2007-07-17T18:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I scheduled this Minnesota preview to run before this happened. Good timing, huh?

I've gotten a couple of emails on the order (or lack thereof) of these previews. I'm simply posting them in the order I receive them. There's no rhyme or reason to it beyond that. I'll post my thoughts on the upcoming season once these are done.

Tomorrow, we'll take a short break from the Big Ten preview for some very exciting breaking news and a few links for your perusal.

Our Gopher preview is from Charlie at Paging Jim Shikenjanski, the unquestionable king of blogs about football teams named after common vermin.

MINNESOTA PREVIEW by Paging Jim Shikenjanski

A new era is set to begin in Minnesota. We have a savior, fresh off a stint as tight ends coach for the Denver Broncos. His name is Tim Brewster, who has come into Minneapolis, spoken to fans and reporters with bravado and raised expectations. "We're going to take Gopher Nation to Pasadena" Brewster said during his introductory press conference, where he wowed Minnesota fans who were frantically trying to figure out exactly who this guy was.

Personally, I think Brewster is smoking some really good hashish, but I respect the man's positive nature. Pasadena? Gophers? We haven't won a B10 title since 1967. Brewster has no head coaching experience above the high school level. He doesn't even have experience as a coordinator. He was hired as a recruiter (claim to fame: recruited Vince Young at Texas, among others) and as someone who has energy to instill in the typically uninterested fan base. That's worked. Brewster is off to a good start for his 2008 recruiting class, and the fan base has taken to his energy and enthusiasm.

The Glen Mason era was both good and bad. It was a vast improvement over the Jim Wacker era. Mason took our fierce rodents to six consecutive bowls. But fans wanted to see Mason--who didn't have the knack for public relations that Brewster does--take the program to a New Year's Day bowl and compete in the top 1/3 of the Big Ten, not in the middle of the pack.

Brewster is saying what Gopher fans want to hear. Should he live up to his word and take "Gopher Nation" to Pasadena, we'll erect a statute in his honor at the new outdoor stadium set to open in 2009.

WHY BREWSTER WILL BE AN IMPROVEMENT: He has a pulse. That alone has endeared him to Gopher fans. He hasn't coached a game yet, nor a practice, but his intensity comes through in television and newspaper interviews. He has promised his teams will play with passion and intensity (something Mason's teams didn't always do). Mason's team's made a habit of pulling defeat from the jaws of victory (the most recent example was the Insight Bowl debacle last year against Texas Tech). Brewster has been promised the Gophers will finish games stronger and play with more heart and passion. That'd be a good start.

BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER: DE Willie Van DeSteeg finished last season with 10 sacks, 14.5 tackles for a loss and felt he had plenty of room to improve. Now a senior, Van DeSteeg will lead a Minnesota defense that is primed to be more aggressive under Everett Withers.

BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER: RB, Amir Pinnix surpassed 1,000 yards as the primary ball carrier last year. Pinnix is one of just five returning starters on offense. Gophers coaches have promised not to forget about the run, and Pinnix should get his fair share of opportunities in and out of the backfield.

MOST IMPORTANT CAMP BATTLE: The Gophers lost three-year starter and the school's all-time leading passer Bryan Cuptio and will look to either junior Tony Mortensen, redshirt freshman Adam Weber or, as a longshot, true freshman and the head coach's son, Clint Brewster, to take control of the offense. Brewster ran an offense similar to offensive coordinator Mike Dunbar's spread offense in high school, and as a 4-star quarterback recruit, the coach's son might be the most talented quarterback on the roster.

OVERLOOKED NEWCOMER: While most of the media has paid attention to Clint Brewster's decision to back out of his committment to Illinois and follow his father, the younger Brewster may not have the biggest impact of any newcomer. DE Raymond Henderson, who sat out last season after transferring from Tennessee, should play opposite of Van DeSteeg. Henderson was forced out of Tennessee after what is described as minor incident at a restaurant. He had scholarship offers from LSU, Nebraska, Notre Dame, UCLA and Iowa.

POSITION WEAKNESS: Wide receiver. And that's not good when you want to run the spread offense. Senior Ernie Wheelright, who has had slippery hands from time to time, has the talent to be a No. 1 receiving threat. He'll be joined by sophomore Eric Decker in the starting lineup. But after that, the Gophers will be relying on a junior college transfer and some true freshmen to step in.

DON'T BE TOO SURPRISED IF: The Gophers lose to that other border rival, North Dakota State, in an October tilt with the Division I-AA school. Last year, the Bison missed a field goal as time expired to come just feet short of pulling off the upset of the year. The Gophers survived 10-9, and became bowl eligible because of it at 6-6.

FORECAST: Gopher fans expect Brewster to take that step Mason couldn't, if not this year, in the near future. Mason didn't leave the cupboard bare, but it will be an uphill task for Brewster to even take the team to a no-name bowl game. Mason had Minnesota known for a power running game, that featured great backs and a better offensive line. Under Brewster, and offensive coordinator Mike Dunbar, the Gophers will switch to the spread offense. Personnel issues will make the switch difficult.

The Gophers can go 4-0 in the non-conference schedule, but most major publications question if Brewster can even win one game in conference play. The winnable games are on the road (at Indiana, at Northwestern, at Iowa) but the Gophers won't likely be favored away from the Metrodome. But the team's talent hasn't disappeared. The Gophs have been consistently decent, not great, and should be that again. The Gophers go 3-5 in conference and return to a mediocre bowl. The third and final win comes at Iowa as the Gophers retain the coolest trophy in college sports, the Floyd of Rosedale.

Our True Enemy Has Yet to Reveal Himself: Hoosier Daddy

2007-07-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Certainly the most tragic event of this offseason was the death of Indiana coach Terry Hoeppner. As sad as that story might be, it also creates one of the more intriguing subplots of this upcoming season, as an up-and-coming program attempts to build on last season's success.

The Indiana preview is courtesy of John M. at The Hoosier Report. Enjoy.

INDIANA PREVIEW by The Hoosier Report

Thanks to Hawkeye State for inviting me to preview Indiana's 2007 football season. I launched The Hoosier Report last February, late in the basketball season, so I haven't had much of a chance to dig in for football, but here goes.

Hep

It's impossible to avoid the obvious. Our coach died. And not just any coach. While I certainly would not have wished death upon Cam Cameron or Gerry DiNardo (well, outside the context of a heated in-game rant, at least), and while I don't want to trivialize Hoeppner's death by focusing on the football ramifications, this is another cosmic kick in the nuts to a program that has never been able to turn the corner. We thought we had found our Bill Snyder/Barry Alvarez/Frank Beamer. That may not have been true, but our program is once again in turmoil. IU now has its third head coach in four years and may be looking at four coaches in five years. For the second season in a row, a Big Ten program will enter the season shortly after the death of its coach. The IU situation differs from Northwestern's in a couple of respects. First, Hep's death, while heartbreaking, was not out of the blue and has been at least in the back of our minds since the first brain surgery after the 2005 season. Second, unlike Northwestern, which quickly elected to commit to Pat Fitzgerald as the head coach for the long term, IU has promoted Bill Lynch only for the 2007 season.

Head Coach Bill Lynch

So,what of the new guy, Bill Lynch? Lynch has spent the bulk of his career coaching in Indiana. A Butler grad, Lynch spent five years as head coach at his alma mater (which then was a Division II program) before becoming an assistant at Ball State and then Indiana. Lynch's two seasons as quarterbacks coach under Bill Mallory were 1993 and 1994, IU's two most recent winning seasons, so he has that going for him. Lynch then coached Ball State for eight years. After he was fired, Lynch coached Division III DePauw in 2003 before joining Hoeppner's staff as assistant head coach in 2004. In 14 years as a head coach, Lynch has a 81-67 record, but at Ball State, Lynch went 37-53 and was fired after eight years. He led Ball State to the MAC title and the Las Vegas Bowl in 1996 and won a MAC division title later in his career. In between, Lynch oversaw a 21-game losing streak, the longest active streak in the nation when it ended. I discuss Lynch's career in some more detail here, but the bottom line is that coaches who get fired in the MAC generally do not become Big Ten head coaches (although if this post at mgoblog is any indication, perhaps I should change "do not" to "should not"). Nevertheless, the staff that Hoeppner gathered is sufficiently well-regarded that I would guess a winning season and bowl bid would earn him a long-term deal. To his enormous credit, Lynch has continued to obtain verbal commitments despite the uncertainty, although the status of those commitments can change between now and February.

The outlook

So, can Indiana actually earn a bowl bid in 2007, its first since 1993? The schedule says that it's possible. I don't want to overestimate the significance of the schedule. Overemphasis on schedule advantages leads to people to write crazy things, such as in 2004 when everyone was predicting that Purdue would play in the BCS title game mainly because Notre Dame was down and Purdue didn't play OSU or Michigan. IU begins with three winnable nonconference games: Division I-AA Indiana State, at Western Michigan, and at home against Akron (IU plays Ball State at home later in the season). For the first time (at least in decades) IU misses both Ohio State and Michigan, the only conference teams that would seem to be absolutely unbeatable right now for a program of IU's stature. IU plays Illinois, Penn State, Minnesota, and Purdue at home and plays MSU, Northwestern, Iowa, and Wisconsin on the road.

The 2006 season

For the first time since 1994, IU entered the final game of the season playing for something more than the Bucket. After winning the first two games against Western Michigan and at Ball State, Hoeppner took a leave of absence for his second brain surgery. Under the interim leadership of Bill Lynch, IU blew a huge lead against Division I-AA Southern Illinois and then lost to Connecticut. IU was humiliated by Wisconsin, 52-17, in Hoeppner's return, and when IU fell behind Illinois 25-7, it appeared that the Hoosiers once again would be out of bowl contention by Midnight Madness. Instead, as I detailed here, Hep rallied the troops and IU beat Illinois on a field goal as time expired. The next week, IU upset ultimately-mediocre-but-then-thirteenth-ranked Iowa, and instead of heading to Columbus staring down the barrel of 2-6, IU was 4-3 with seemingly winnable games against Michigan State, Minnesota, and Purdue remaining.

IU fell short, of course. After an expected blowout loss at OSU, IU returned home and spanked Michigan State 46-21. IU had a 44-7 lead in that game, and I don't believe that I had seen IU so thoroughly thrash a Big Ten opponent before. Lest our heads get too big, however, the football gods exacted their revenge, and the next week at the Humphreydome, a really ordinary Minnesota team administered a beatdown as thorough as the one IU administered to Sparty the week before (63-26, and it wasn't that close). That loss put the pressure on. IU lost to Michigan, and then fell at Purdue, 28-19, in a really odd Bucket game. The first half was one of the strangest turnover fests that I have ever seen. Curtis Painter tried to hand us the game, and we politely demurred.

IU showed some promise in the passing game and scored some points, but gave up a bunch. Still, IU managed more than one Big Ten win for the first time since 2001, five total wins for the first time since 2001, and entered the Bucket game playing for more than pride for the first time since 1994. It was an up-and-down, rebuilding type season, but if not for the absence and then death of Hoeppner, IU likely would be a trendy pick to win a bunch of games in 2007.

Offense

The best news for IU is on offense. The Hoosiers began 2006 with Blake Powers firmly entrenched as the starting quarterback. In 2007, Powers will be a tight end. Because of injuries, redshirt freshman Kellen Lewis was pressed into duty against Ball State last year. Lewis led an impressive comeback that day and started the rest of the games. Lewis's passing numbers were respectable (completion percentage of 54.9, 2221 yards, 14 TD, 7 INT) and he led IU with 441 rushing yards and 5 rushing touchdowns. Setting aside Lewis, IU returns its top tailback and fullback from last season. Marcus Thigpen, best known as a spectacular kickoff returner, rushed for 387 yards and 2 TDs (3.9 YPC). Fullback Josiah Sears rushed for only 232 yards but an impressive 5.8 yards per carry and 4 touchdowns.

WR James Hardy is probably IU's only player who could start for any Big Ten team. In only 20 games (disciplinary issues), Hardy caught 51 balls for 712 yards and 10 touchdowns. James Bailey, Nick Polk, and Ray Fisher also return. In all, four of IU's five top wide receivers return.

Although IU lost outstanding center Chris Mangiero, IU returns a bunch of experience on the remainder of the OL. John Sandberg (RG), Pete Saxon (LG), Charlie Emerson (RT), Roger Saffold (LT), and Kyle Thomas (various) all started at least five games last season. Was it good experience? Who knows. It can't hurt.

One challenge IU's offense faced last year was changing quarterbacks midstream. Blake Powers was a pure pocket passer. Kellen Lewis, while certainly a capable passer and not a "run first" quarterback, led IU in rushing and worked nearly exclusively out of the shotgun. That must have been a tough transition for the offense, and hopefully will not be repeated this year. IU has nearly everyone back on offense and should score some points.

Defense

IU's defense was pretty awful last year. IU gave up 408 yards per game last year. Only ten I-A programs (including, interestingly, Minnesota and Purdue) gave up more (throw in Ball State, and IU played three of the ten most generous defenses in I-A; should I be concerned that IU's decent offensive proficiency was illusory?). Only 18 I-A teams gave up more rushing yards per game, and IU was ranked similarly in yards per carry and touchdowns allowed. There were something like 30 Division I-A teams (could you give me some rank numbers, Yahoo Sports?!) who gave up more passing yards per game than IU. The Hoosiers gave up a pathetic 29 touchdowns, fourth-worst in the country. The only respectable defensive statistic is 13 interceptions, which puts IU at the low end of the middle of the pack.

IU does return top defensive back and kick return Tracy Porter, a corner. Porter started his first game as a true freshman in 2004 and returned an interception for a touchdown, and has shown a solid nose for the ball since then. Including Porter, IU returns eight players who started at least a handful of games in 2006, including DBs Leslie Majors and Austin Thomas; defensive linemen Jammie Kirlew, Joe Kremer, and Greg Brown; and linebackers Adam McClurg and Geno Johnson. Again, as on offense, lots of guys back, but IU has to improve every facet of its defensive performance. Despite returning those eight guys, plus two defensive linemen who started a little bit (Keith Buruss and Brian Faires) IU returns only eight sacks. IU's top three tacklers (Porter plus the departed Will Meyers and Troy Grosfield) were defensive backs. IU played lots of young guys last year, but that matters only if they improve.

Special teams

IU's return game is among the best in the nation. Marcus Thigpen averaged over 30 yards per kickoff return and scored three touchdowns. Tracy Porter averaged 18.6 yards per punt return and scored a touchdown. PK Austin Starr made 12-15 field goals, including 7-8 from 30-39 and 1-1 from 40-49. Starr won the Illinois game with a field goal as time expired. The Hoosiers will be breaking in a new punter, as the experienced but unremarkable Tyson Beattie is gone. True freshman Chris Hagerup, who enrolled early and participated in spring practice, is the only punter on the roster.

Outlook

This will be a strange season. If we were entering year three of the Hoeppner era, this would be the year in which we would expect progress. Now, we have a new head coach without a long-term deal and with no idea what our program will look line one, two, or four years from now. That doesn't change the basic equation. IU's coaching staff, with the conspicuous exception of the head coach, returns intact. IU returns loads of starters on both sides of the ball. The schedule is favorable. I'm not going to do some grand, game-by-game prediction. Nothing between 2-10 and 8-4 would surprise me. My prediction is that IU somehow will find its way to 6-6 and go bowling for the first time in 14 years. Why? Well, mostly because the alternative is too horrifying to contemplate. If it doesn't happen now, it's hard to say when it will happen.

Our True Enemy Has Yet to Reveal Himself: ILLINI

2007-07-13T18:13:00.000-05:00

Chief Illiniwek was a good mascot, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and Illinois, and as a mascot he explored the beaches of Southern Illinois, from Carbondale to Danville and...up to... Peoria. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young mascots at Syracuse, at St. John's, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Illiniwek. Illiniwek, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Illiniwek, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of Lake Michigan, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

Your ILLINI preview is provided by Alma Mater of Illini Talk. At no point does he mention text messaging or Gil Thorp.

ILLINOIS PREVIEW by Illini Talk

It's a Brand New Ballgame in Champaign. Cautious optimism surrounds Illini fooball as we head into the 2007 season. Admittedly a work in progress for the past couple years, the pieces are beginning to fall into place for a respectable Big Ten football team at Illinois:

QB Isaiah "Juice" Williams now has college experience. Accuracy is still a challenge, but he continues to improve, he's got a rocket-launcher arm, and he's fun to watch.
The improving defense is built around Big Ten tackle leader, senior linebacker J Leman (who is recovering from off-season surgery).
Recruiting master Ron Zook has brought competitive athletes to town -- including 5-star wide reciever Regis Benn, another fun one to watch. Benn started classes in Januray, and during spring practices and scrimmages, he proved that he can both catch and earn YACs. Look for the ball to go his direction often.
Rashad Mendenhall will carry much of the Illini ground game.
One point of interest in the defensive secondary: 23-year-old freshman Bo Flowers has spent the past 4 years playing minor league baseball in the Detriot and Cubs systems. And his D is respectable.
A facelift at Memorial Stadium adds to the enthusiasm in Champaign, and Hawkeye fans will get to see the finished product when they next visit (2008).

I expect a .500 record this year -- a major improvement -- and even more competitive games than 2006 (note that only Michigan and Florida played Ohio State better than the Illini last season). A road win in Iowa City would be a bonus this year , but don't count us out (Ed. note: Only if you get Jon Beutjer a ninth year of eligibility).

Alma Mater (www.illinitalk.blogspot.com)

Our True Enemy Has Yet to Reveal Himself: Sparty

2007-07-11T18:09:00.000-05:00

OK, let's get to work.

As I wrote last week, we're going directly to the source for our Big Ten previews, because nobody knows these teams better than their fans. Our first installment comes from Scott at The Enlightened Spartan. I'll be adding my two cents next time. For now, ES, the blog is yours:

MICHIGAN STATE PREVIEW by The Enlightened Spartan

The Big Green is the little engine that couldn't. And, it hurts. So, let the ES bring the truth and wisdom to the masses.

Michigan State, heretofore to be known as South Central Michigan State College, has done nothing short of disappoint year in and year out, in the most remarkable ways over the past eight years. Has it really been that long since the $4 Million Man strolled the artificial sidelines along the banks of the Red Cedar River? Indeed, it has. The Green was unwilling to fork out the green to make Mr. Nick bionic, and instead, he fused with the machine known as Louisiana State, took the Bayou Bengal to the promised land, returned to the Not For Long unsuccessfully…. All in the process of making Lee Majors look dour by robbing the bank we call “higher education” to ink with a team named after a monthly menstrual cycle, with a weird elephant as a mascot, and fans wearing soap detergent boxes on their heads.

In a nutshell, my oh my how a decade can heap misery upon bewilderment – and, SCMSC just doesn’t have the same ring as ‘Bama. At least not yet.

Enter the Doctor. Mark Dantonio. MD. The 52 year old up and comer from Cincy who wears that ole rugged cross but demands success and attention to detail, a la Jim Tressel. Let’s just make sure the Doctor keeps that pocket book in the desk instead of on the road… but, luckily, SMSC’s tradition doesn’t have a success that can bankroll players like them Buckeyes did for Heisman Award winner Troy Smith and his super sharp duds.

But this is the Big Ten. Demanding success plus experience will probably vault the Doctor to the mid-tier of the coaching ranks and reduce Bozo The Clown induced-stupidity on and off the field reminiscent of Cowboy John L “L is for Loser” Smith. Expect the Doctor’s teams to be more disciplined and better executed, and leave the sideline fiascoes behind to gather historical dust. But, sorry, this year demanding success isn’t enough to equal victories. What SCMSC needs is execution, and depth of talent. Those are the biggest question marks.

The Strengths: The Big Green probably has the most underrated wideouts, running backs, and defensive backfield in the Big Ten.

DBs: The Doctor took the Cowboy’s defensive playbook and gave it a failed exorcism. Too may demons, so he just sent it to the fire. In comes Bump-and-Run, which was impressive in the Spring game. Something has to change after hemorrhaging yardage and points the last three years. And, MD has tools to work with. Junior FS Otis Wiley knocked the bejesus out of his Spartan kindred all spring long, and he unloaded the armor consistently on opponents last year. Ditto for DB Travis Key, who isn’t always in the right place at the right time, except for when he can make the highlight reel. These guys are the shit. Nemo, aka Nehemiah Warrick, is a solid cover DB who is the Spartans best tackler in the secondary. Both Kendall (“I still haven’t learned to turn around on deep throws”) Davis-Clark and Ross Weaver have lots of experience. This will be a much improved, and underrated group. It can’t get any worse, but will be better than pundits ever expected.
WRs: The Doctor never even bothered to bring the offensive playbook to an exorcism. That one was sent straight to the shitter for a proper burial. The spread is GONE. Out with the flashy, 30 yards to the sidelines and 1 yard down field, and in with the traditional three yards and a cloud of dust, with a splash of flash. Thusly, WRs will not be relied upon to move the chains 60 times a game. And, with SCMSC depleted with loads of overrated and underachieving WRs, it is time to see how the current talent can shine in a more traditional system by throwing that freaking rock downfield. Soph TJ Williams, senior Terry Love, and junior Devin Thomas all have shown significant flashes of brilliance at times – they aren’t returning starters, but us Spartan faithful can see the glory. In this new system, they’ll be more than competent.
RBs: The ES is puzzled at the lack of mention of the Spartan running backs. Phil Steele ranks SCMSC #6 in this category – and this is a joke. The Big Green may not have the best OL, but the RBs are right there. I’d rank SCMSC #2 or #3 in the conference here. Junior Javon Ringer is a STUD, the fastest back in the Big Ten and is a muscular phenom. Sure, he’s been injured, but he is a stellar player who strutted his stuff in the Spring Game. He is an excellent running back, in the same mold as Mike Hart. Strong, fast, and darty. But, his backup, Jehuu Caulcrick, is a bowling ball. He is extremely strong, much in the mold of TJ Duckett but with stronger ankles. He moves piles forward. Add in a dash of Ringer Light, aka “AJ Jimmerson” and you have a solid trio with lots of experience and talent. Now, at FB, place Dwayne Holmes. He is a BEAST at 6-0, 275. We Spartan fans have come accustomed to the man absoloutely crush opponents with his blocks, topped by putting down his cranium and pulverizing an Ann Arbor Yellow Belly as a TE two years ago. Yes, Holmes will be more than adequate in this role. He will be extremely effective. He is a bruiser. Add experience, talent, depth, and punishment, and you have to grade this unit out with extremely high marks.

The Weaknesses: The weakness is in the trenches:

OL: South Central Michigan State College returns a wealth of experience from a terrible unit the past three years. So what does that mean? The Doctor’s system should help this unit out, changing from a spread offense that relies on speed and nimble footwork, to one that can use some girth and power. There is experience here, especially along the right, with returnees including the Big “O”, junior Roland Martin anchoring at RG and junior Jesse Miller at RT. One the left, unheralded seniors Pete Clifford and Mike Gytvai return as starters. In the middle, John Masters moves over from guard to center, but has been a backup for years. Still, this unit weighs 307-316-285-325-307. That’s 308 pounds of leverage on average. Yeah, lets run, and not pass so much, dammit! Still, this unit has played so poorly the past two years at the expense of former stud Drew Stanton, that it is up to these pizza lovers to prove the ES wrong.
DL: The Big Green has had the most pathetic pass rush in America since Saban left for warmer weather. SCMSC recorded 16 sacks last year. That sucks. Basically one-plus a game. SCMSC, however, can implement Pat Narduzzi’s “what a rush!” defense that would make Freddy Kruger proud. Narduzzi will count more on an adequate LB corps help the woeful DL by swarming to the ball instead of spot-playing under the worst-ever defensive coordinator in the history of college football, last year’s Spartan DC Chris Smeland. The line is led by competent ends Ervin Baldwin and Justin Kershaw, but lacks any killer instinct and little depth inside. The DC is praying every Sunday for these guys to stay healthy.

The Rest: Who are the others?

QB Brian Hoyer replaces the oft-injured butextremely-talented Drew Stanton, whose skills were misused and abused by inept Spartan coaches during his tenure at MSU. Hoyer comes in with good arm strength and some game time experience, but had a terrible spring outing. The ES is hoping for an average performance from Hoyer this year, and to rely on his backfield mates to bring home the bacon.

The Spartan LB corps is adequate and deep. Kaleb Thornhill comes from a long line of Thornhills who played LB for SCMSC, and while he puts himself in the right position, he can also get used like a rag doll because he’s a bit light. Better yet, SirDarean Adams has NFL potential written all over him as a smart, positioned player and a sure-tackler.

There is also depth here with talent two-deep. SCMSC replaces an All-America punter with a no-name punter who kicked extremely well in the Spring game, but not as long. He’ll give SCMSC 42 yards a kick, but needs a lot of salami and a few years in the weight room to extend that length. At place kicker is Wheaties boy Brett Swenson, who hit on 15-19 FGs as a true frosh last year, but he cost the Big Green the game vs Purdue with his few misses.

Best offensive player: RB Javon Ringer. The guy is just a stud. Close backup: FB Dwayne Holmes, who will CRUSH anyone in his way.

Best defensive player: LB SirDarean Adams. SDA is as sure of a tackler as there is in the country; the guy just doesn’t miss. Moving his instincts into a leadership role at the weakside will make him more of a playmaker.

Who lays the lumber: FB Dwayne Holmes is a tank.

Who will SCMSC beat that it shouldn’t:  At Purdue.  SCMSC should have beaten this squad last year, and the Spartans had
already fired the Cowboy and still outplayed Tillers’ sissies.  SCMSC will go down to that shithole of a town
and kick their arse.

Who will beat SCMSC that shouldn’t: Pitt. SCMSC will be riding high at 2-0, and figuring the shitty Spartan squad that killed Pitt on the road last year should be able to do it at home, no? No dice. This is predictable Spartan territory for a loss. And, to Dave Wannstedt – quite possibly the worst coach in the history of football.

Forecast: The ES figures 5-7/2-6. The problem is that, despite all the optimism of all Spartanland, the schedule is BRUTAL in a better Big Ten. South Central Michigan State College’s non-conference slate is a breeze, especially that matchup against the Goddamn Irish in South Bend. But, the Big Ten is brutal, with stints at OSU, at Wisky, and at Iowa. Add in a home game to scUM and the JoePa “I’m still kicking” Lions, and you have yerself a nightmare rebuilding effort. If the Doctor gets six wins out of this squad, he should be canonized as national coach of the year. Hey, we Spartan fans have been crying in our beers for years over incompetence and utter, dismal failure. But, we still love our little SCMSC. Go STATE!

It's Not Plagarism if You Link to It

2007-07-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow (or Wednesday, if I get to golf tomorrow), the Big Ten preview begins. But before we get to ILLINI, it's time for one more rundown of great stuff from the series of tubes:

Our friends at Saturday Soundoffs take a shot at previewing Iowa football. Really, their series of 2-a-day previews of each team has been awfully well done. I don't think they're quite on the reservation with the Hawkeyes (Andy Brodell has hands?), but they're not too bad in general.

Gene Chizik has put his face on a coin. He will eventually build a Mount Rushmore composed entirely of his face rendered in cow manure. In all seriousness, putting your face on a coin before you have coached a down of football for a team that just finished with 2 wins evidences a level of undeserved self-importance generally reserved for Iowa State basketball coaches. I would advocate spitting on the Chizik nickel, but Iowa State student, graduates, and staff routinely clean things with spit; for instance, I had my shoes spit-shined at the airport yesterday by Marcus Fizer.

This has nothing to do with sports at all, but Dirty Laundry has debunked the Nikki Leotardo/carjackers/Boy Scouts from the train shop rumor percolating on the eBays after the final Sopranos episode.

The reigning champions of the college football blogging world, Every Day Should Be Saturday, have published a College Football Blogging Manifesto. I will agree to follow it as much as humanly possible (even the "Bill Simmons' name will not appear on this site" rule). I can't figure out how to link to it, but Hey Jenny Slater has made an equally fantastic addendum (scroll down to July 8).

Two new additions to the blogroll: The Nation of Islam Sportsblog, which might be the single most brilliant thing on the internet, and Clemson blog Danny Ford is God.

And finally, Winning the Turnover Battle scored the interview of the year. That's right, they tracked down the perpetually surprised Snorg tees girl. She's kind of a big deal.

Pardon the (Seven Month) Interruption

2007-06-30T00:42:00.000-05:00

Well, he's left me again.

Tony Kornheiser's radio show (or at least the Podcast of it) was more or less the only thing getting me through any given weekday. Sometime around 1:00, my iTunes would download another hour and 26 minutes of brilliance. And I would read through medical records and claims reports while listening to stories of kapuchin monkeys, rats in mouths, Peter Yarrow burglars, and the greatness of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic." But, with the looming return of Monday Night Football, Tony has left his show (again) in order to adjust his sleep patterns and prepare for the season.

A quick five-month recap of things I learned from Mr. Tony:

For suing his dry cleaners for a lost pair of pants, Roy Pearson should be made to pay, fired, disbarred, and hung by his toenails.
Fran Drescher is the worst guest ever. She stinks.
A person bearing a striking resemblance to Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary could break into your house at any time. Take due precautions.
There is likely someone at your grandparent's nursing home making them all laugh with the old "rat in the mouth" trick.
Abbie Lowell might be the smartest man in Washington, but he doesn't know squat about kapuchin monkeys.
If you're listening to Van Morrison and not drinking Scotch on your porch, well, what's stopping you?
David Halberstam is larger than life. John Junior Feinstein is more obese than life.
Blind people can't watch television, but they regularly leave it on so they can listen to it.
Wilbon loves a good bloodbath, and Phil Leotardo's death was a "Gots To Go" situation.
Beads and beaded necklaces are great gifts, though it is slightly better if the recipient intends to purchase Manhattan. If you don't have any beads, Callaway square-head drivers are a suitable substitute.
Bob Ryan is a HUGE American Idol fan.
The Washington Post ombudswoman is a dope.
If you are going to repeatedly quit a job, it's best to have your exit music picked in advance.

And I could go on and on and on. I'm one of the many listeners openly hoping Kornheiser loses his job at MNF, if only so he will return sooner. It will be a cold, dark 7 months waiting for his return. Come back soon, Mr. Tony. The kapuchin monkey demands it.

A Little Bit of Schadenfreude: The Fire Mark May Uber-Roundtable

2007-06-25T19:11:00.000-05:00

The always fantastic Fire Mark May has proposed a set of questions for those of us who are so inclined. I am such a person. (Note: I am not a member of blogpoll, but I'm going to act like I am. I've got my eyes on the prize.)

Your Home Field Advantage

Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.

Um, the Allied Athiest Alliance?

In all seriousness, as a result of 2002-04, there are now two rabid factions of the Iowa fanbase. The "Win or Lose, We Still Booze" crowd really doesn't care about results, just as long as the tailgate continues. The more delusional "Potential National Champions" crowd wants to ignore all aspects of school size, recruiting base, location, and an aging in-state population and expects nothing less than 10 wins per season. This faction did not exist prior to the Capital One Bowl win over LSU. Whether you side with the alcoholics or the just plain crazy (and I have tendencies to get with both, depending on the circumstances), you have to hate the splitters.

In this case, the splitters are the "Up With Douchebags" crowd. These are the people who cheer for Iowa State and Nebraska and Minnesota when they aren't playing Iowa. They are generally from rural central Iowa, have a kid at State or a spouse from Minneapolis, and usually get hit with the empty 40 oz. beer bottles kicked down the street by yours truly after a loss. These people are not to be trusted, like someone who claims to like both Son Volt and Wilco.

Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.

Come to Blain's Farm & Fleet with your Iowa/ISU ticket stub and receive 10% off a Carhart jacket. You get more...at Farm & Fleet. The only other option would be Old Style beer, the choice of a true tailgater.

Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.

Hamburg Inn omelets. Because nothing caps five hours of binge drinking before an 11:00 a.m. kickoff quite like eight eggs, ham, cheese, and hash browns. All together, as God meant them to be. $6, tax included.

With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.

This monstrosity would have to go:

There aren't many places in America where a man who died 64 years ago is revered like Nile Kinnick in Iowa City (the only place I can think of is North Wilkesboro, NC, where Senator Robert Byrd was born; Byrd died 57 years ago, but nevertheless continues to be elected by the great state of West Virginia). The guy was a Heisman trophy winner, a fighter pilot (he died in a training flight crash near Venezuela), a school president, and a law student. He even won the AP Sportsman of the Year in 1939, beating out such two-bit losers as Joe DiMaggio and Joe Louis. A statue in his honor outside the stadium that bears his name is not only proper, it's damn near essential. So when the administration unveiled this statute of what appears to be a Miss Bliss-era Zach Morris and told us it was Kinnick, most of us vomited a little in our mouths.

The replacement statue? Well, I like to think of Kinnick with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!

General NCAA questions

Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.

Ron Zook is being investigated for alleged recruiting violations. While the NCAA first became suspicious when Zook signed a Top-10 class to a school with no tradition, ancient facilities, no recent success of any kind, and an unfortunate history with John "I'm Transferring Because of this Cable Bill" Buetjer, it began its full-fledged investigation when it received tapes of phone calls recorded by Tennessee men's basketball coach Bruce Pearl.

Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.

I'd roll out a new Big 12 (NOT Big XII, you pompous Rome-loving jackasses) with Northwestern and Penn State out and Notre Dame, Nebraska, and Iowa State in. East/West Divisions would be far too east-heavy, so we're taking the ACC way out and saying the first division is Michigan, MSU, tOSU, Indiana, Purdue, and Illinois, and the second division is ND, Iowa, ISU, Wisky, Minny, and Big Red. How much fun would that be? Plus, four of the most neurotic fan bases on the planet would all be involved. Penn State would be rolled into the Big East (which desperately needs a big football name) at the expense of Tampa Community College, er, USF. Northwestern would take its rightful place in the MAC.

Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.

Well, under the new world order, each conference would have a championship game (that means we'll only have 9 conferences after the Mountain West is rolled into the Pac-12, WAC, and Big XII, and CUSA is cannibalized by the Big East and combined with the Sun Belt). Nine conference champions, 7 at-large selections, 16 teams, winner-take-all, with the Championship played on January 1 at the Rose Bowl.

Last season, it would have given us Wake, Boomer Sooner, Louisville (even with expansion), tOSU, Florida, Houston, USC, Boise State, Central Michigan, Big Blue, Texas, Wisky, Arkansas, Auburn, LSU, and West Virginia. Dear God, would that be fun. And the also-rans could play bowl games. That way, Notre Dame can still get rich.

Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.

Dick Cheney. He'd make USC invade Iran.

It's About That Time

2007-06-25T18:42:00.000-05:00

My boss had a luncheon a couple of weeks ago where he met Miss Iowa Diana Reed. Of course, Hawkeye fans know her as Hawkeye Golden Girl Diana Reed, but the mere mention of her name sent a chill down my spine, and it was then I realized we are a mere 10 weeks from football season.

Of course, that means we'll be truly firing up Hawkeye State soon. Through the month of July, we will be previewing each Big Ten squad, complete with a look at each team from a blogger who follows them. Throughout August, we'll be chronicling college football in particular, with a big, huge Iowa football spectacular at some point. By the time it's all over, it will be time for kickoff...

You may have also noticed the Big Ten blogroll has grown faster than Barry Bonds' head. I recommend all of these sites for your summer football fix. A number of these guys will be contributing to the previews.

Rod Beck Dead at 38

2007-06-24T17:13:00.000-05:00

At the risk of Hawkeye State turning into a full-time obituaries page, I have to mention the passing of former Chicago (and Iowa) Cub Rod Beck. Beck was found dead at his home in Phoenix Saturday. He was 38 years old.

Beck had a brief stint with the I-Cubs in 2003. Most people who have a sort stay with the Des Moines team will live in a hotel. Maybe they would rent an apartment on a month-to-month lease. Rod decided to forgo these options and live in an RV. In the stadium parking lot. Behind the right field wall. Beck would sit on a plastic picnic table, hand out beers, and talk baseball with anyone who wanted to stop by. And the entire town came by at one time or another. By all accounts, he loved Iowa and Iowa loved him. Rest in peace, Shooter.

UPDATE: The Dugout has Rod Beck's first meeting with Jesus in heaven. Brilliant.

Terry Hoeppner Dead at 59

2007-06-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

Bad news today on one of the Big Ten's best guys: Indiana head football coach Terry Hoeppner died today from complications of a brain tumor. He was 59 years old. By all accounts, Coach Hep was a charismatic leader, a smart coach, and an all-around great guy. I'll leave it to We Are the Postmen for an IU-centric retrospective.

Sure, Iowa's debacle in Bloomington this year was the true signal of the end (and probably the worst day of my year), but IU's performance that day reminded me of 2000 Iowa/Michigan State, when Hawkeye fans could finally see a glimmer of hope. And when Hep and his players climbed into the stands to celebrate with their loyal supporters (Hep called his team "a shooting rocket"), it reminded me of charging the Kinnick turf to celebrate with that team. There was a certain amount of consolation in losing to a team, a fan base, and a coach who could be so excited.

Indiana fans began to worry when Hoeppner went missing this February, but I don't think anyone knew the extent of his illness until today. Even when it was announced last week that Hoeppner would not be coaching this season, it always seemed to imply he would come back at some point. Needless to say, this came as a shock.

It's far too early to even begin speculating on the effect Hoeppner's death will have on this rising program. That will all be addressed in due time. God bless Coach Hep and his family.

It's Not Plagarism if You Link to It

2007-06-14T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'm back up and running, and what better way to return to the world of blogging than with a recap of stuff other people have written?

Drew Tate has signed with the Saskatchewan Rough Riders of the CFL. He has also taken the worst picture in the history of online press guide pictures. Tate joins fellow former Hawkeyes Freddy Russell and Khalil Hill in Saskatchewan. I always knew I would eventually be forced to prefer a team to the Vikings. I never would have thought it would be a team located in a city north of Minnesota.

For the first time ever, Iowa State is underrated. Sports Illustrated has ranked Lames #8 in their list of worst uniforms in college football. For the record, they rank the wicked awesome 'Cuse uniforms #4. Such a travesty just might force me to cancel my subscription to SI until the next time I'm offered free issues at Best Buy.

Cedar Rapids native and Big Blue wideout Adrian Arrington was kicked off the team. Except that, no, he wasn't. But he now has calves of steel.

Yost finally made it into Penthouse. And not for the reason you think. (Completely safe for work, by the way).

Anyone remember how Bill Clinton allegedly stole furniture on his way out of the White House? Well, Steve Alford tried to do the same on his way out of Iowa City. Only, instead of furniture, Steve took email accounts. And cars. And trips to the Final Four. By the way, The Hairgel is temporarily leaving us; Godspeed, OPS.

Also, if you have $1.7 million burning a hole in your pocket, you can own the Golden Boy's house.

Oh, and Ana Ivanovic is very attractive.

Finally, there has been a slight change in plans. I'm still starting my baseball blog, but the name has been changed. So come on over and read about the national pastime at Bat Boy Bobby Savoy (bobbysavoy.wordpress.com).

Bring Out Your Temporarily Internet-Less!

2007-06-07T15:22:00.000-05:00

"I'm not dead!"
"He says he's not dead!"

So, I haven't posted in a while. Here's the story: I bought a house, the closing got moved up a week, and I didn't have the internet service ready when I moved. It's on the way. Once it's hooked up, I'll be back bigger and better (including some smashing new t-shirts for the Iowa fan in all of us).

Until then, keep the faith.

Chizik Christ Superstar

2007-05-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

Here's the story. Jamie has some booster money to throw around, now that the basketball program has stopped sponsoring Jamaal Tinsley's illegitimate children. The Man Who Would be Dan McCarney uses said money to hire a chaplain, and Lames now has their pink locker room...

A petition has been started by four Iowa State professors opposing the introduction of chaplains to athletic programs by Gene Chizik, head football coach.

The petition was started by Hector Avalos, associate professor religious studies; Warren Blumenfeld, assistant professor in curriculum and instruction; William David, university professor in music; and Ellen Fairchild, lecturer in curriculum and instruction.

The petition states "We, the undersigned faculty members at Iowa State University, strongly oppose any effort to introduce chaplains or any other form of religious counseling, whether publicly or privately funded, into any part of our athletic programs. Such an effort by our football coach Gene Chizik has been reported in the local press."

The petition goes on to say that such a position would violate the establishment clause in the First Amendment in the U.S. Constitution.

In an e-mail response to the four professors, Jamie Pollard, Iowa State athletic director, wrote that "no one, including Coach Gene Chizik, intends, has or will force any student-athlete to take part in any spiritual activity." In the e-mail, Pollard likens the chaplain position to other services provided to student-athletes.

"Much like we have offered our student-athletes access to drug and alcohol counselors, sports psychologists, nutritionists, hypnotists, physical therapists, learning specialists, chiropractors, physicians, etc., we are now going to also provide access to a spiritual advisor," he wrote.

Pollard wrote in the e-mail that the chaplain will be funded by private, not public money.

Seems that Gene-o and Jamie got themselves into quite a conundrum here. Keep the chaplain and all those radical liberals in the Ames veterenary medicine and home ec programs will nip at the heels of the football team until the student body starts wearing sarcastic t-shirts (and seeing the level of intelligence and the sheer totality of 50 cotton/50 poly needed to clothe the ISU women, that may never happen). Lose the chaplain and God will likely smote them. This is quite the Catch-22. And that is coincidental, as the Joseph Heller classic chronicled the last time someone hired a chaplain.

But my favorite part of this story is that a football team playing its games in a glorified cow pasture with virtually no donor base sees no better way to spend booster dollars than to hire a chaplain. Couldn't that money be better spent on things like weights, stadium seats, or paved roads?

Couldn't Gene do us all a favor and put ISU sororities on NutriSystem?
Because if there's anyone who needs the Glycemic Advantage, it's this girl.

By the way, just as a reminder, Iowa State lost to Iowa in football, basketball, wrestling, and baseball (by default) last year. Seems like God has already made up his mind, Gene.

See, It's Johnny Damon, Only With the First Letters Switched

2007-05-22T09:49:00.000-05:00

I would be lying if I said my May posting has not been greatly diminished by my devotion to DirecTV's MLB Extra Innings package. I find myself watching two or three games a day. And, when I watch sports, I want to write about sports. Unfortunately, I don't think a lengthy discussion of baseball is in order here, so I'm starting a second blog.

For those of you who can't get enough of my witty, urbane musings on the world of Iowa sports, Donny Jamon (donnyjamon.blogspot.com) will be launching June 3. I'll still be posting here on the runup to football, but I'm going to try keeping two blogs at the same time.

"Let the great experiment begin!"

The Triumphant Return of Bo Jackson

2007-05-22T09:24:00.000-05:00

Remember the early 90's? Grunge was the new metal, a competent Bush was in the White House, and you could spend your entire weekends playing Tecmo Super Bowl? Well, brace yourselves, because those heady days of yore are returning to a television set near you. From Kotaku:

Tecmo have announced that Tecmo Bowl will be back in 2008. And...that's all we've got. Really. No platforms, no shots, no wordy press releases, nothing. Sorry. At least we DO know it won't have real player names. Or teams. And, with Madden being Madden and 2K's All-Pro Football already playing the spoiler, doesn't seem to leave much room in the market for Tecmo Bowl.

No real teams or players? That sucks, because if there's one thing the Tecmo Bowl franchise is remembered for, it's realism.

By the way, J.P. Losman will be simply named "QB Bills"

Picking a Winner - A Hierarchy of Decisionmaking

2007-05-16T17:30:00.000-05:00

Come on everyone. Take a trip with me...into your probably-not-so-distant memory!

Imagine this situation: You're laying on your couch on a Sunday afternoon. You're (obviously) hung over, and you simply need something to distract you from the headache rampaging through your skull. After scrolling through 6 pages of the DirecTV guide, you stumble across Arena Football on TWWL. Colorado Crush vs. Georgia Force. Good enough, right? But now it's five minutes after you turned the game on, 37 points have been scored, you're bored again, there are no in-game lines on an AFL game (you've checked three times), and your headache continues to slowly destroy your will to live. If only you could find some sort of rooting interest in the game, your problems could be solved, right?

Well, my friend, just follow my advice. Here, now, for the first time ever, it's the Hawkeye State rules for choosing a team in an insignificant game. Simply go down this list of rules, and stop once one has been violated. Cheer for the team which did not violate said rule. Perfect for those dreary days spent watching games from insignificant sports leagues like Arena Football, professional lacrosse, or the NBA.

1. Financial interest - Check one more time. Make it absolutely certain you can't get money down. And, if you can, don't even bother with research. Just pick a team and throw down one unit.

2. Take the Team With Players you know - Did I just catch Rebecca Lobo playing for the Phoenix Mercury? Might be, might not, but it's good enough for me to choose the Mercury over the Connecticut Gambling Native Americans, right? And it's a good thing Phoenix found that Rebecca Lobo lookalike, because the Mercury would have lost under a couple of other rules.

"Very funny. Who put Barbaro in a net?

Oh, I'm very sorry, Ms. Lobo."

Now, the standards for using this rule are very subjective. Todd Marinovich playing for the Nashville Kats? Good by me, but maybe not by you. Bobby Hurley as a D-league assistant? Not enough for me, but you're different.

Rule 2 Corollary. Go Against Teams With Players You Inexplicably Hate - This especially applies when the hatred comes from years ago and has festered in your soul, just waiting to reappear. Doesn't happen too often, but if I see Marcus Fizer on the floor, that team is dead to me.

3. Take the Team that Didn't Steal its Name from European Teams (MLS Only Rule) - Essential to watching the trainwreck that it America's premier soccer league. The following teams must be stopped at all costs (that is, unless they signed wild-haired, 55 year-old defender Carlos Valderrama from the 1994 Colombian National Team):

Real Salt Lake (rips off Real Madrid and about 47 other Spanish soccer clubs; the most noxious faux-Euros; adding a Spanish word to the front of Salt Lake is like adding Jazz to the back of Utah...wait, that happened; this name also violates rules 5 and 7)
FC Dallas (burglarizes just about every soccer team outside England, including Barcelona, Monaco, and Porto, all of which are located in better places to be than Dallas)
Dynamo Houston (blatant attempt to steal from Dinamo Kiev and a couple of Russian teams; makes sense in that you have approximately the same chance of being shot in Houston as you would in an Eastern European ethnic conflict)
DC United (ManU, Newcastle United, and a half-dozen other British teams are calling in an APB)
Toronto FC (see Dallas, but at a lower exchange rate)
Red Bull New York (naming your team after a brand is the same move made by former Welsh side Total Network Solutions...and no, I'm not making that up)

4. Take the Team With a Correctly-Spelled Mascot - This seems to be happening more and more. Only an idiot would misspell the mascot's name in a pathetic attempt at looking cool. Some examples:

Nashville Kats (AFL; I thought Kats was the college basketball guy on ESPN)
New Orleans VooDoo (ticky-tack, but we don't need the capital "D" in voodoo)

There are more out there. Beware the misspelled team.

5. Go With the Plural Name - This is VERY important when watching WNBA, Arena League, MLS, or any other league contrived by a bunch of people looking to go totally x-treme (see: Vince McMahon). If faced with a team with a singular mascot and a team with a plural mascot, go with the plural, if for no other reason than there are multiple people out there representing a franchise, and to call them each Force (or Surge, or Fever, or Rush) is completely idiotic.

"What has two thumbs and loves being x-treme? This guy!"

6. Go With the Team That Avoided Looking Like a Marshmallow Peep - Pastels on professional athletes look even dumber than pastels on normal people. Unfortunately, this eliminates pretty much every expansion team from the early-to-mid-90's (Florida Marlins, San Jose Sharks, Tampa Bay Lightning) or team which last updated its uniforms in that period.

7. Avoid the Team Whose Mascot Doesn't Match the Location - Especially true in the NBA, where franchises have been hopping around for years. There is no Jazz in Utah. There are no Grizzlies in Memphis. I've never had a Rush when visiting Chicago (AFL). And I may have a Fever, but the only prescription is not Indiana WNBA basketball.

Rule 7 Corollary. Absolutely Take the Team Whose Mascot Inadvertently Fits Too Well - Really only applies to the Orlando Predators of Arena Football, because where are you more likely to see a pedophile than a Disney theme park? I think Chris Hansen's kitchen is in Epcot.1

8. FINAL RULE - Take the Mascot Who Would Win in a Fight to the Death - Have you gone through all of these and still not found a team? Well then, who wins a fight between a (Calgary) Flame and an (Edmonton) Oiler? Clearly it's the flame, so Calgary it is. A (Grand Rapids) Rampage vs. a (Philadelphia) Soul2? Probably the rampage, which would overtake the soul with its anger and frustration. A (Connecticut) Sun vs. a (Chicago) Sky? Um...I guess the rainbow wins. Which brings me to this last point: Rule 8 is flawed for a couple of reasons.

In leagues such as the WNBA and MLS, the mascots either don't exist or are so nondescript that they simply can't engage in a fight.
In the NHL, the San Jose Shark must be allowed to fight in a special third media which allows the shark full range of motion but also allows an Islander to breathe. Wittgenstein couldn't even imagine that.
In the CFL, it's always a draw, because the Rough Rider always beats the Rough Rider.

Now, finally, a few illustrative examples from the recent schedules of stupid sports leagues:

AFL - Arizona Rattlers vs. Tampa Bay Storm - Arizona has former Iowa linebacker Grant Steen, who once intercepted a pass on third-and-long at Iowa State in 2001, then fumbled the ball back to the Clones, giving them a new set of downs, allowing them to score the winning touchdown, and causing me to temporarily descend into my own personal hell. I still hate this guy, so I'd go with Tampa Bay under the Rule 2 corrolary. But for sane people, Rule 5 decides it. Plural over singular. Rattlers over Storm.
WNBA - Connecticut Sun vs. Washington Mystics - suffice it to say, I doubt I know anyone on these teams, and I'm not going to look. Connecticut is done in by Rule 5 (Singluar) and Rule 7 (Mascot Makes No Sense). However, they are subject to an exemption for playing their games in a casino. Plus, if it's WNBA, it's likely Rule 1 applies, because you always take the WNBA under. Always.
MLS - New England Revolution vs. DC United - Normally, New England would be done in by Rule 5, but they're saved by Rule 3, as DC United is a ripoff.
Canadian Football - British Columbia Lions vs. Toronto Argonauts - You could make the case BC violates Rule 7, but I think there are some mountain lions in Vancouver, so this makes it all the way to Rule 8. I don't know what an argonaut is, other than a person who hangs out with Jason, but I'm damn sure he isn't beating a lion. So go with BC.

1 - Ironically, if you end up in the wrong brothel in Gary - and they're ALL the wrong brothel in Gary - this may also apply to Rule 7 violator Indiana Fever.
2 - This game would have actually been decided earlier, as Jon Bon Jovi's ownership stake in the Soul is sufficient to pass Rule 2.

Notes from Detention

2007-05-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posting as of late. Work's been hectic, and I've been working too much to get out and write. I promise - PROMISE - there will be some posts this week, including Iowa basketball news, good stuff from other blogs, and my guide to picking a favorite team in a meaningless game.

Until then, the search for J.C. Love Jordan continues...

Searching for J.C. Love Jordan

2007-04-30T16:51:00.000-05:00

I'm eventually going to return to the Big Ten Year in Review - no, really, I will - but there is a far more pressing topic that must be discussed. Someone needs to get me the whereabouts of my new personal hero, J.C. Love Jordan.

J.C. Love Jordan was a wingback and kick returner for Iowa from 1980 through 1984. He caught 31 passes for 359 yards and two touchdowns in his five years with the Hawkeyes. He was the #1 tailback on the depth chart heading into the 1991 season, but missed the season due to injury. By the time he returned, Iowa had played in the Rose Bowl, and J.C. Love found himself a backup at wingback. Nevertheless, most people would consider such a career a modest success and proceed into their post-collegiate lives.

But not J.C. Love Jordan. Oh no, he had far bigger things in mind.

In 1990, J.C. Love found his way to Universal Studios Hollywood to take on the likes of Nitro, Gemini, and Laser. That's right, folks; J.C. Love Jordan was a contestant on American Gladiators. He was initially crushed by Richard Seymour, but (under the modified American Gladiator Stableford scoring system, where the loser almost always returns) he was resurrected in the quarterfinals and even beat Erick Sutton. Finally, he succumbed to the eventual champion, and former Kentucky congressman, Lucian Anderson. J.C. Love Jordan may have been good1, but nobody could compete with a zombie Kentucky congressman who was later implicated in a 2005 murder. Nevertheless, it was the last time an Iowan reached the Final Four.2 And again, almost anyone could look back with pride and settle into a simple, quiet life from that point forward.

But not our man J.C. Love.

In 1992, J.C. Love Jordan made his most imporant appearance yet. When the representatives from Name of the Year convened in their first-ever papal enclave to choose the Name of the Decade, you know who was in the running. Three votes, and a 22nd place finish, later, J.C. Love Jordan was immortalized. He then vanished into the ether, never to be seen again. No mention on Google, other than Hawkeye football and AmGlad. Certainly no pictures.

So what happened to J.C. Love Jordan?

I need to talk to J.C. Love. I need to know what it's like to run around those cones and enter the final stretch of The Eliminator, not knowing whether Gemini ("a split personality; calm one moment, violent the next") lies on the other side of that paper. I need to know how it feels to be mentioned in the same breath as Godfrey Sithole and Funzio Banjo. I need to know how it feels to be truly legendary. So if anyone knows the whereabouts of this Iowan...no, AMERICAN...hero, let me know.

1 - One would think, given J.C. Love Jordan's football background and Iowa ties, his best event would be Breakthrough & Conquer, but one would be incorrect in making that assumption. His best event was most certainly Atlasphere.

2 - of American Gladiators.

J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets

2007-04-26T09:03:00.000-05:00

This has been making the rounds for about a year now, but it's still funny:

This video is dear to me; Vikings fans and Jets fans have a common nucleus of bad draft decisions. I Can't wait to see how long the Berserkers let the clock run before taking another underachieving defensive lineman. In any case, happy Mel Kiper Christmas Weekend, everyone!

"I'm Off the Wagon And I'm Hitchin' a Ride"

2007-04-23T08:21:00.000-05:00

Welcome to add/drop week in the University of Iowa athletic department. And, gentlemen, this one's gonna hurt.

From KCRG:

Iowa's best returing player will not be returning.

Freshman Tyler Smith has asked to be released from this scholarship, and coach Todd Lickliter has granted that release. Lickliter said that Smith expressed a desire to be nearer his father in Tennessee. As a freshman, Tyler Smith led the Hawks in rebounding (4.9) and steals (45) and he was second in scoring (14.9) and assists (111). Smith was a member of the Big Ten all freshman team.

I'm going to save the discussion of the fallout for the inevitable Iowa Year in Review post this week, but I don't know how we possibly recover from this. Between Haluska's graduation and Smith's transfer, we're losing 35.4 ppg and 9.5 rpg from a team that couldn't score or rebound. Also, word of Smith's departure and Henderson's graduation immediately sent retail shoplifting security stocks plummeting.

Obviously, more on this story as it unfolds, but we had better prepare ourselves for a basketball team relying far too much on the scoring prowess of Seth Gorney.

This Bain Don't Stop Here Anymore

2007-04-20T14:11:00.000-05:00

This escalated quickly. From Steroid Nation:

Ryan Bain arrived at Iowa as a prized football recruit in a star-studded class of players who candidly, and seemingly collectively, stated their goal was to lead the Hawkeyes to new heights.

The 6-foot-2, 282-pound defensive lineman has asked for his release from the Hawkeyes and plans to transfer at the end of the semester, his father said Thursday evening.

Rick Bain said his son wants to get to the NFL and thinks the best route to getting there is by going somewhere that he can receive the playing time and exposure that comes with being a full-time starter rather than spending another season at Iowa as a second-string defensive tackle....

When asked if there's anything that would change his son's mind at this point, Rick Bain said: "If you get a signed affidavit that he's the starter, that's all he wants."

Bain entered Iowa with the vaunted 2005 recruiting class and played as a true freshman. He was part of that U.S. Army All-America game with six other Iowa signings. To date, those guys have done the following (hint: not too damn much):

Jake Christiansen - Beat Northern Illinois; fill-in action throughout last season; threw a pass directly to a Minnesota cornerback, thereby ending any hope of retaining the pig; current overwhelming favorite to become starting quarterback; leftiness will eventually lead to Kenny Boy's termination, once it becomes clear he can't understand why southpaw quarterbacks roll left
Dace Richardson - Starting left tackle until he leaves; next Iowa offensive lineman to be chosen too high in the NFL draft
Tony Moeaki - Backup tight end last season; prohibitive favorite to start next season; just catches touchdowns
Trey Stross - Lost in depth chart at beginning of last season; showed coaches he had a pair of opposable thumbs and no fear over the middle, and became a possible starter for this campaign; came to spring practice second on the depth chart at wideout; I love this guy
Dan Doering - Hasn't really played after being stuck behind the graduating starters; in a position battle with Andy Kuempel at left guard (and Kuempel seems to be winning)
Tyler Blum - Special teams, mostly; on the spring depth chart, but in a logjam at right tackle; best player out of Pottawattamie county since I tore up the Western Iowa Conference in junior high (2 seasons, 1 catch - which was probably a trap - that was nevertheless The Greatest Catch In the History of Junior High Football...in other words, Warren Holloway's career)

Which brings us to...

This picture of 97-year old famed economist Joe Bain is
the closest thing to a Bain action shot I could find

Ryan Bain - Flashes of brilliance, but was absolutely the third-best junior defensive tackle on the team; arrested last week for a multitude of football-related offenses, thereby getting Iowa into the running in the Fullmer Cup; has apparently taken an interest in discovery practices; might get a subpoena demanding the deposition of Norm Parker (and who doesn't want to see that?)

Look, I can't blame the kid. You're a U.S. Army All-American stuck behind two guys who weren't, you have no chance of ever seeing the field unless you finally start working hard, and all you want are some friggin' affidavits, damn it. After all, isn't it easier to transfer to a smaller school where you don't have to work for that starting position?

As for Iowa, it's certainly a blow to depth at a position where it may be needed most. However, the third defensive tackle is employed most often against those pesky running sets, and Rashad Dunn is the run-stopping guy you need in that spot. I think we'll be OK.

Soo-Wha?

2007-04-19T18:08:00.000-05:00

So, I promised the immensely awkward press conference announcing the hiring of Dana Altman at Arkansas. As you know, it was immediately followed by the press conference announcing the resignation of Dana Altman at Arkansas. Gee, I wonder why:

You can almost see the moment when he realized he had made a huge mistake. It's the moment they do the second "woooooooo," and he gives a half-hearted nod of appreciation. That, my friends, was the moment Creighton got its coach back.

Welcome back, Dana. We'll act like it never happened.

Notes and Errata

2007-04-19T17:15:00.000-05:00

Thoughts while calculating how long Sean Sonderliter would have lasted at Princeton:

I attended Saturday's spring game. Ten things from that experience:
(1) Tailgating in spring? Fun, but not AS fun. Drinking beer before noon is exactly as great as it used to be.
(2) Any discussion of Jake Christiansen not starting the year on top of the depth chart are GREATLY exaggerated.
(3) Having a lefty quarterback may be too confusing for Ken O'Keefe.
(4) Douchebags are living in my old house. I'm not very happy about this development.
(5) Coors Light does not qualify as a non-perishable food item, and not only because of the "born on" date.
(6) Someone - ANYONE - needs to catch a pass before Christiansen commits hari kari.
(7) I'm still not entirely sure why Alex Kanellis was changed from a pretty decent defensive end to an obviously undersized offensive tackle. The obvious position change this spring would be Herb Grigsby to male cheerleader. That way, when he makes another inexcusable drop, at least someone can sue.
(8) There's something strangely comforting about having a 6-4, 230 lb. placekicker.
(9) That whole "We all hate the basketball coach" thing we had there for a while? That was a bummer. This is much better.
(10) I still love Iowa City. And I want to burn Ames to the ground. In other words, I've still got it.

This line, taken from the unusually early 2007 season preview at FireGaryBarta.com, is hilarious: "Iowa's linebacking tradition is becoming pretty well known around the country. Two linebackers from the 2005 senior class are now highly regarded in the National Football League. They are Minnesota's Chad Greenway and Green Bay's Abdul Hodge." Of course, as you know, Greenway has yet to play a down of NFL football, but his sitting in the press box really got the attention of league scouts.

OK, I think it's time we change the name of Duane Banks Field to Brad Banks Field. In fact, he should also be the namesake of an auditorium, a sandwich at the Hungry Hobo, and the river that runs through town. Those were the days...

By the way, Jack Dahm will once again be watching the College World Series at Pauli's in Omaha. Iowa baseball is 15-14, and lost to UNI last week. Panther County would be gloating if anyone cared enough about college baseball to pay attention.

I'm a Yankees fan, and I hate the Red Sox out of obligation, but if you ever needed evidence of who your typical ISU fan is modeling himself after, take a look at this:

Or how about this (by the way, the funniest thing I've seen all week, made better by the announcers, so turn up the sound):

Stay classy, Boston.

I'll be back this weekend with the ongoing Big Ten Year in Review.

Big Ten Year in Review - The Michigans

2007-04-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

Part Three in a six-part series takes us to the state that's shaped like a mitten...being stabbed by an icepick.

BIG BLUE (22-13 overall; 8-8 conference)

Oh, where do we start? It's not often that a Golden Boy-coached Iowa team isn't the most dysfunctional in the conference, but this was a strange year for teams in the Big Ten, and Michigan's was certainly one of the strangest.

From the preview:

They have a whole helluva lot of talent. They return a lot of scoring (Lester Abram, Dion Harris), some size (the overrated Courtney Sims), and enough youngsters to fill out a pretty decent starting five....It's not enough to make up for the fact that Tommy Amaker is coaching. Seriously, is there a college with more incompetence in important positions that Mich? Amaker, Carr, Mary Sue Coleman (that's just bitterness, but still)....11-3 non-conference, 7-9 conference, 18-12 overall.

I Was Right:

Another round of props for me. This was damn close to the truth.

Not only can I predict the future,

But I'm also A MIND TAKER!

Courtney Sims leaves UMich as arguably theirr most overrated player since...well, since Brent Petway. And Dion Harris. And let's throw Lester Abram in there, too. Quite frankly, I don't remember a Michigan basketball player meeting the hype since the Fab Five, and I certainly don't remember seeing one under Amaker.

And therein lies the problem. I don't think anyone will question Amaker's ability as a recruiter; there was hardly a more athletic team in the Big Ten this season than Michigan (save for tOSU). It was his ability to improve his players from game-to-game and year-to-year that became a problem. Just as you could set your watch by the horrible road loss that would send Iowa's season spiraling out of control, you could also pick the moment in every year where Michigan would absolutely quit playing any semblance of team basketball, ignore the pleading and begging of Tommy A, and start jacking up every half-open shot they could get.

Michigan averaged 1.2 more turnovers than assists this season, and that wasn't for a surplus of turnovers. At no point in the Amaker era did you watch Michigan and feel there was any flow offensively. Nobody on this team ever wanted to pass the ball. Sims only got the ball through offensive rebounds (though this was a blessing; he never developed anything in the low post). When the team forgot about Sims for stretches of the game (most notably the second half collapses against Iowa and tOSU), an already-slow and already-exhausted Sims would simply lose interest, pick up a bad foul or a turnover, and put the opponents in position to win. Never did it feel like Amaker had any control of this team whatsoever; inevitably, the cameras would catch him sitting on the sidelines, legs crossed, obviously daydreaming about rainbows and unicorns. And, true to form, he's now at Harvard.

I Was Wrong:

I said they would be 18-12. They were 20-11. And again, I had no idea that kind of record would get you in the discussion for the NCAA's. If they had gotten into the tournament, I would have been forced to start my own bizzaro NCAA tournament in an attempt to stop the injustice of it all.

Prognosis:

Lord only knows what Bielien can do there. He actually inherits a couple of pretty decent perimeter shooters, but he's probably going to have to start his first practice with the two-hand chest pass (forgotten under the previous regime) and build from there. Like Iowa, it may be a couple of seasons before he finally starts paying dividends, but he's a good coach with a proven track record, and he obviously wants to be there. While 2007-08 may be rough at Big Blue, the future isn't too bad.

MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS (23-12 overall; 8-8 conference)

There wasn't much of a preview, mostly because I decided it was better to post five straight pictures of Mateen Cleaves grinning like a moron. I did say they would go 23-8, 10-6 conference.

We all know the key to this team was Drew Neitzel, and that he'll be the key again next year. Izzo didn't go to UK, so there's nothing new coming from MSU any time soon. They had zero - I repeat, ZERO - seniors, so you're getting this team again. And even if they had lost a bunch of players, the post-Mateen Spartans are eerily similar and, in a way, Bizzaro Big Blue. They always look like they might be outmanned, but Izzo puts them through the meat grinder in November and December, and by the time Big Ten play begins they are tougher than every other team in the conference. They inevitably take Iowa behind the woodshed, beat the tar out of at least 3 teams they shouldn't be on the floor with, and make it to the tournament with something like a #6 seed, where they usually win a tough game one, upset someone in game two, and nobly bow out to a superior opponent in the sweet 16.

Did they play immensely boring, limited-possession, grind-it-out basketball so unwatchable it made Bill Simmons stick his head in the oven? Yeah. Did they turn the ball over far too often? Sure. Do I expect that again next year? I don't think you'll see all the turnovers, but probably something close to this is returning.

So, instead of chronicling what's going to happen next season (something like 21-9, 11-5, 3 wins in the tournament, every minute of it boring the crap out of me), let's take one more look at Mateen Cleaves grinning like an idiot:

Those were the days...

Big Ten Year in Review - Northwestern/Purdue

2007-04-11T08:28:00.000-05:00

These teams were originally in a post entitled "Alert the NIT Selection Committee." One made the NCAA tournament - and even beat Arizona - and the other didn't come close to making the NIT. Whoops. Who knew there were more teams in the women's NIT than the men's? Title IX run amok, I say.

Onto the review.

NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS (13-18 overall; 2-14 conference)

From the preview:

Northwestern is Princeton West. Bill Carmody has built a little Ivy League program, right there in Evanston. Recruiting is up, especially in Chicago and the rest of Illinois. And a whole new group of 6'9", 3-point-bomb-throwing Croats is ready to replace Vedran Vukucic. And Iowa's still a member of the Big Ten Conference, so that's a guaranteed win....There's a problem with always being David: You never get to be Goliath. That's the case here, just as it was at Princeton. Throw in the lack of a post presence (The Cats have height, but the height is skinny and wants to shoot from the outside), and Northwestern still isn't over the top....Northwestern hosts Northwestern State on New Years' Eve. All those things that we thought would happen on Y2K? They'll happen if this game goes off as planned. It's like the corner of First and First. How can a school play against itself? It's the nexus of the universe! On the bright side, they can get together afterwards and reminisce about how each ripped the still-beating heart out of every Iowa fan last season....A Nebraska-esque non-conference slate will send them to Big Ten play at 8-4. They go 6-10 in the conference and finish at 14-14.

I Was Right:

Um, no.

I Was Wrong:

Well, for starters, the universe didn't collapse on itself when Northwestern played Northwestern State. Plus, Iowa didn't play Northwestern IN EVANSTON, which is the annual kiss of death (the Hawks missed it so much that they went and lost at Penn State, just so we all didn't forget what it feels like). But let's get to the more substantive points.

Northwestern doesn't have all the athletic ability in the world (so I guess I was right about David vs. Goliath). They win with efficiency. They slow the game down and turn you over and get themselves easy baskets on those dreaded backdoor cuts. Plus, they try to shoot you out of the gym. The problem for Northwestern this season? They were just about the least efficient team in the conference. They averaged a horrific 0.9 points per possession in conference play. Their turnover rate was middle-of-the-pack. They shot 27% from behind the arc (so much for the 3-point-raining Croats). Oh, and their opponents scored 1.1 points per possession. (I would thank Big Ten Wonk for the numbers, if he still existed). You simply can't win with numbers like those. And if there's one thing Northwestern didn't do, it was win.

Prognosis: Kevin Coble looks pretty good, and he's got plenty of time to get better. But Doyle is gone, along with Scott. I have no idea how bad it can get, but it's Northwestern. Believe me, it's pretty bad.

BOILER UP (22-12 overall; 9-7 conference)

Seriously, am I the only one who thinks Matt Painter is the long-lost Shane McMahon clone?

From the preview:

This is a pretty big leap for a pretty horrible squad. The reason why? Well, it's in large part due to their schedule. Boiler has only one game with Wisconsin, the Fighting Izzos, ILLINI, and Iowa. While you certainly want two against Iowa, you don't mind avoiding the rest. That means Boiler could start 3-1 in the conference before a trip to Badgerland.... Finally, they get the bottom feeders at home in March. That, my friends, is a recipe for 7 wins. Throw on a dollop of experience, a dash of coaching (Painter got quite a bit out of absolutely nothing last season, and is only bound to get better), and this team should be OK....Boiler had trouble on the road last season. Painter's still learning the ropes. And the big men aren't there. But all of those things could be fixed by mid-January. We couldn't say the same thing about Gene's combover. Yes, things are looking up for Boiler....They could very well go 11-3 in the non-conference. I think they're going to finish at about 7-9 in the Big Ten. Purdue goes 18-12 and grabs a spot in the NIT.

I Was Right:

This one was much closer to reality. Purdue went 11-3 in the non-conference and was able to finish 20-10 in the regular season. They spanked the bottom-feeders in the last three games of the season, grabbed a win over Iowa in the conference tournament, and got themselves into the NCAAs. They still sucked on the road, only getting conference road wins at Northwestern and Penn State. But they were much improved at home, holding court against everyone but tOSU. It was, in fact, eerily similar to Iowa's season. And McMahon was genuinely terrifying the hell out of me until we hired the National Coach of the Year last week.

I Was Wrong:

Apparently, losing all your relevant road games and finishing in the middle of the Big Ten gets you an 8 seed in the tournament now. That is, unless you're Iowa. But I digress.

Prognosis:

Good, young coach who is improving as a recruiter, and only two players of any relevance leaving is usually a sign of promising things to come. But Carl Landry was an absolute monster for this team, and David Teague wasn't half bad. That's a lot to lose. If they can find replacements - and that's a big if - Purdue should be back here next year. If not, it could be a struggle.

Big Ten Year in Review - Minnesota/Penn State

2007-04-10T09:49:00.000-05:00

(NOTE: This was originally posted back before the Big Ten coaching change festival began. Now that we have stopped, I am moving this column back up to the top. I'll be reviewing the remainder of the Big Ten through the week.)

So, now that the annual Billy Packer Douchebag Extravaganza is entering its second week - and my bracket is in flames (the chalkiest tournament in recent memory, this March Madness) - I'm going to begin reviewing the Big Ten season. I'll be referring to the preview I did in December, pointing out where I was right and, more often than not, where I was wrong.

MINNESOTA GOLDEN GOPHERS (9-22 overall; 3-13 conference)

I think that pretty well sums it up.

First, from the preview:

The rumors of Dan Monson's imminent demise have been greatly exaggerated over the past couple of seasons (to the point that the Star-Tribune made a "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline gaffe last March). He benefits from being the fifth-biggest game in town (Vikings, T-Wolves, Gopher football, and Gopher hockey are bigger, as are ice fishing and licking flagpoles). But this might be the season where he finally goes down. The Precious Metallic Rodents return zero seniors, and only four players with conference game experience. Vince Grier is gone, along with pretty much everyone else you ever saw in a Gopher uniform over the past season. And that team wasn't very good, either. They're replaced by a ragtag group of JUCO transfers and typically unathletic Minnesota big men. And the unathletic big men are their best asset this season. Yikes. Throw in Monson's traditional inability to win games (as in, one NCAA appearance in six years) and all indications are that this team will blow, a feeling that has been confirmed by early-season losses to Iowa State, Southern Illinois, Montana, and Marist. Ouch. This one's gonna hurt....You can't spell "Minnesota University Golden Gopher Basketball" without "STRUGGLING." 9-20, and Monson gone by February 1.

I Was Right:

Well, I was right about Monson. He was gone by the beginning of Big Ten play. And the unathletic big men were their best asset; the best Gopher all year was Spencer Tollackson (the aforementioned brother from My Name is Earl). Oh, and I hit the number of wins right on the money. Someone call Vegas.

I Was Wrong:

I was wrong to say there were no positives for this team. There were no seniors, so the experience of a Big Ten season alone should help, especially with the return of Coleman, Mackenzie, Tollackson, and Abu-Shamayla. All four of those guys showed a little promise this season. If they ever decide on a coach, they could be a little interesting next year. Also, I was apparently wrong on the number of games they would play. Not entirely certain why.

Prognosis:

Still pretty negative. The program has absolutely no continuity at the moment, and the athletic department really doesn't seem to care. They return everyone, but I don't know exactly how good that is. I would expect a little improvement next year, but 6 conference wins would be great unless Bob Knight is the next coach.

(UPDATE: Um, Tubby changes this quite a bit. I'm genuinely worried about Minny now.)

PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS (11-19 overall; 2-14 conference)

The closest PSU came to stomping an opponent all season.

From the preview:

JoePa, titanium knee and all, could probably outjump anyone on this team. That being said, they're young, they had a relatively good year last season (6 conference wins, NIT appearance), and their best player returns....Geary Claxton will make or break this team. He averaged 15 last season; getting into the 19-22 PPG range could take this team over the top. Combine that with some experienced guard play (2 senior starting guards, neither of which score a whole lot) and PSU might not be too bad....There's no size on this roster. They have a couple of stiffs over 6'9" but no low post threat. Actually, outside Claxton and Jamelle Cornley, who averaged over 11 PPG last season, there's not a whole lot of scoring here. Big problem when the team that scores the most points wins the game. Oh, and Claxton broke his hand and will be out until at least the second week of December....The Claxton-less Lions already lost to Stony Brook. And then they beat St. Joe's. So who the hell knows what's going to happen? I'll say they finish about 5-11 in the conference (they have a brutal two week stretch in February where they will face tOSU and Wisky twice each). They'll drop at least two more in non-conference play. That means something like 15-14 should be about right.

I Was Right:

They had no size or scoring. And JoePa could outjump everyone.

I Was Wrong:

I completely underestimated the effect State College apathy has on this team. I don't think Iowa fans can understand how little PSU fans care about basketball. Their spirit has been sucked dry by year after year of rebuilding projects, losses, firings, rebuilding projects, losses, firings, ad infinitum. England and Ireland haven't repeated history this often. Every coach walks into that program looking to turn it around, and every one fails to make an immediate impact, and the fans head for the exits. Ed DeChellis may soon be gone, for exactly the same reasons (Run Up The Score, if you want to chime in here on whether I'm accurate and why, I'd appreciate it).

I was right to say that Claxton was their best player, but even his Herculean performances couldn't hide the fact that this team sucked. Claxton finished with 16.9 PPG, but would have had to approach 30 to pull PSU out of its tailspin. In fact, some might argue that Claxton's return hindered the progress of this team in some way. I also failed to call the inevitable win at home over Iowa in late February, a pick so obvious a caveman could make it.

When I'm calling in a wager on Iowa-Penn State, I wonder, "Are
there demons inside this contraption controlling my thoughts?" I
don't know. My caveman mind cannot grasp these concepts.

Prognosis: I don't think Ed DeChellis is a particularly bad coach; he's just a mediocre coach in a no-win situation. He should get one more year, and I think he will. He returns a (hopefully) healthy Geary Claxton and the underrated, and very talented, Jamelle Cornley. They should be better. Then again, they can't be worse.

Le Anne Schreiber Has Balls (at Least For Now)

2007-04-08T20:22:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are new here, one of my favorite targets was former ESPN ombudsman George Solomon. Generally, I attacked Mr. Solomon as a moron and a schill for The World Wide Leader, which in and of itself meant he was failing miserably in his role as an ombudsman. Well, Georgie Boy left ESPN last month, and this week we got our first look at his replacement, Le Anne Schreiber.

There was another TWWL-related event this week which grabbed my attention. ESPN Radio host, Kornheiser replacement, and overall massive douchebag Colin Cowherd unleashed an immature, idiotic, and mean-spirited attack on The Big Lead, a sports news site. Cowherd told his listeners to access the site on his command, overloading the servers and crashing the site, just for the hell of it. Obviously, we don't take kindly to them people 'round these parts (and Cowherd has a history of this kind of activity, if you remember this episode from last year). I'd get into the specifics of what happened next, but it's been well documented at Deadspin, mGoBlog, KSK, EDSBS, and just about everywhere else. In fact, he is now known throughout the eBays as "Schrutebag."

"Hey guys, what has two thumbs and loves being a Schrutebag?"

Now, this raises a couple of questions:

Was this action a crime or, at least, a civil cause of action? Already discussed in detail at mGoBlog, with the consensus being no crime or tort
This guy has an audience? His show blows. It's awful. But, apparently, there are plenty of people who want to listen to angry, unfunny, idiotic douchebaggery at the end of the morning. I assume these are the same people who buy Mudvayne records.
What would TWWL do to the Schrutebag? Early money was on "nothing at all," especially considering the fact that he's hosting the newest ESPN Classic turd (You know, the show that claims Ty Cobb and Tiger Woods are linked because, if he were alive, Ty Cobb would hate Tiger Woods? Yeah, that show is his.)

I guarantee if George Solomon was still in his former position, nothing would have happened. He would have ignored the story completely. But the new sheriff don't roll like dat. From her response:

Some of the politer terms my correspondents used to describe Cowherd's behavior were "immature, irresponsible, arrogant, malicious, destructive and dumb." I agree.

The official response from ESPN's communication department was: "Our airwaves should not be used for this purpose. We apologize." It is the kind of bland public statement that does little to assuage the anger and distrust of ESPN's audience over an episode like this. I could not tell from that statement how seriously ESPN regarded the offense, so I contacted Traug Keller, senior vice president, ESPN Radio, to get a clearer idea of ESPN's reaction.
Keller responded immediately to my request for an on-the-record statement. "We talked to Colin Cowherd, and we talked to all our radio talent, making it clear that you cannot do this," Keller said Friday. "Our airwaves are a trust, and not to be used to hurt anyone's business. Such attacks are off limits. Zero tolerance. I can't say it any stronger."
Keller said that he had not formulated a policy about such attacks on Internet sites until now because he had never imagined the possibility of them.

Is it a perfect response? Not exactly. Nobody's ponying up for the ad revenue lost at The Big Lead for the two days while their site was down. And in a week where Don Imus is being asked to resign over remarks which were clearly inappropriate but not causing a loss of income to anyone, the fact that Schrutebag still has a job, without any repercussions, is a travesty. But at least someone saw through ESPN's original (and typically worthless) response, and got TWWL to make a formal apology and state publicly that it will never happen again. I can't say how long Ms. Schreiber's newfound ballsiness is going to last in the face of the multinational corporate juggernaut she is supposed to patrol, but I've got to admit she's off to a good start.

UPDATE: You can sign a petition to have the Schrutebag fired. Of course, nobody will ever read it, but if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad...

Yee Haw! We's Gots Us a Masters-Winning Golfer!

2007-04-08T20:03:00.000-05:00

This shirt might have looked better with the green jacket.
Then again, nothing looks good with a green jacket.

Congratulations to Cedar Rapids' own Zack Johnson, the first guy to ever have any desire to attend Iowa and win the Masters. Yeah, yeah, I know, he went to Drake, but I didn't see a bulldog headcover in his bag today, did I?

I would also like to thank Zack for naming his kid "Will." I don't know how many of you noticed, but King of the WASPs Jim Nantz didn't have much for a bad pun after Florida won last week (if you were bleeding from your ears due to a weekend's exposure to Billy Packer and didn't hear it, I understand). Well, because Zack and his wife picked that name, today Jimmy was able to trot out, "There's Zack with his son Will...and he showed us he had an 'iron will' out there today." Zing! If only Hootie Johnson was in Butler Cabin to welcome Nantz and his maniacal grin after the tournament, things would have been right in the world.

BREAKING NEWS: Not So Fast, My Friend...

2007-04-03T19:18:00.000-05:00

A visual representation of the Dana Altman era at Arkansas

This morning, I made an off-hand comment on the clearly awkward press conference which welcomed Creighton's Dana Altman to Fayetteville. Well, apparently it was even more awkward than I thought, because the inside sources at CU have said that Altman is on a plane back to Omaha. That's right, folks. Altman "Majerused"* the Razorbacks and is returning to his little program that could. More details as soon as they're known...

* - According to Miriam Webster, to "Majerus" has two meanings: To back out of a job after accepting aforementioned job ("Rick Majerus totally Majerused USC"), or to clear out the all-you-can-eat crab legs buffet at a Bonanza restaurant ("Rick Majerus totally Majerused the Bonanza on 13th and Broadway")

Yeah, He's Nothing Like the Old Boss

2007-04-03T18:42:00.000-05:00

So, Iowa hoops fan, we have our guy. So what, pray tell, can we expect from The Lighter?

DAMN IT! Everyone has already written this column today! Damn me and my stinking profession! So, just read these summaries of what to expect:

Marty Gallagher at Scout.com (and you have no idea how much it pains me to link to one of those yay-whos over at Scout.com)
The aforementioned statistical analysis at The Hair Gel.

The consensus: July-in-Iowa stifling defense, coupled with insanely efficient (read: turnover-free, high points-per-possession) offense run by a never-ending line of long-range bombers. Remains to be seen if The Lighter will attempt to recruit more size, now that he can, and thereby improve those rebounding numbers. Also remains to be seen how The Lighter's vision of turnover-free hoops will work with The Living, Breathing Embodiment of a Turnover We Know as Tony Freeman.

Instead, let's discuss this Bill Simmons-inspired, Chicken Little, "Big Ten sucks at basketball" bullshit...DAMN IT! On his way out the door, Big Ten Wonk beat me to that one, too. Two things here:

Why is it that, at the end of every season, I (or someone similarly inclined who beats me to the punch) has to come out here and debunk these myths about Big Ten postseason play? Perhaps you all recall the Destruction of a Stupid Statement post from January, with regards to Big Ten bowl games? Now we need it again for basketball? Can't we all just agree it's an idiot-ass way of measuring conferences and that the people who trot it out every year are uninformed morons? It seems especially true this time, when the main antagonist is a self-aggrandizing, smug, obnoxious NBA fan who admits to disliking college hoops and only examines college players with an eye on who can best not care about an 82-game season next year. And yes, Bill, I'm looking directly at you (and J-Bug, if he's in the room). Since nobody can get in a word edgewise in your mailbags without you turning their argument into a stick man before returning to Durant-worship, we'll throw stones from our poorly-read blogs, instead.
Props to Big Ten Wonk for biting the hand that feeds him with this one, too. "The Big Ten is Better Than People Who Link To Me Say It Is" might win title of the year.

One last thanks to Big Ten Wonk, who is shutting his doors so that he may examine college basketball as a whole next year. It's good for everyone else, to be sure, but without his well-informed opinions and amazing statistical analysis, our arguments will sound like...well, like that last one above. Good luck and Godspeed, Wonk.

I've Already Purchased "FireToddLickliter.com"

2007-04-03T08:25:00.000-05:00

Go ahead and make jokes, bastards.
He's got games to win and demons to exorcise.

Bravo, Mr. Barta. Bravo indeed.

At approximately 2:30 yesterday, I was having a phone conversation regarding the quickly falling sky around Iowa basketball. Altman had left for Arkansas (and if YouTube gets a clip of that incredibly awkward news conference, it will be here this afternoon). Lowery signed a big extension at SIU. Pearl, Majerus, and Stallings had turned down the job. It seemed there was no other option but to throw a bunch of money at Reggie Theus or Kirk Speraw and hope for the best.

And then a private jet left Indianapolis for Cedar Rapids, and a guy who had not even been on the radar to that point was the next coach of your Iowa Hawkeyes.

Meet the new boss. Jesus, let's hope he's not the same as the old boss.

TODD LICKLITER - New coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes

Positives: Um, does National Coach of the Year mean anything to you? Or how about a 29-7 season with wins over Notre Dame, Hoosier Daddy, Tennessee (as in, Bruce Pearl's Tennessee), Gonzaga, Purdue, and Maryland? How about taking the new national champions to the limit in the Sweet Sixteen? That do anything for ya?

More Positives: Obviously more concerned with winning basketball games than looking good and making googly-eyes across the floor at his wife; probably won't walk into every business in town and demand free merchandise; has yet to recruit a known felon (or give that known felon a second, third, or fourth chance); may use hair gel, opening a new avenue for the guys at Steve Alford's Hair Gel (and toddlicklitershairgel.blogspot.com is available); his teams play tough defense and shoot you out of the gym; obviously has little to no use for Lil' Sonderleiter, possibly leading to his defection; did I mention he was National Coach of the Year?

Negatives: Another guy with those vaunted Indiana recruiting ties that brought you the likes of J.R. Angle and Brody Boyd; the Michigan State student section may have a field day with his name; my dad's first comment was, "He looks a little like Cosmo Kramer."

Prognosis: When he's done here, we'll all be wearing gold-plated diapers. This guy wasn't even in the conversation, mostly because he was coaching at his alma mater, looking to get a big extension, and would undoubtedly be pursued by others. From the biggest Dana Altman apologist to ever run an Iowa blog, I've gotta say this was the better hire.

No details as of yet on the money, though that will likely come up at the news conference this afternoon.

And so it ends. Let the commenting begin. Go Hawks.

UPDATE: For more detailed statistical analysis, read this post from The Hair Gel.

Rampant Speculation Update

2007-03-30T18:02:00.000-05:00

Friday was Rick Majerus day at Iowa. Which leads to my story of the day.

For those of you who haven't figured it out, I am a lawyer. I spent today in depositions with about 6 other attorneys. At about 10:30, one attorney's Blackberry goes off, and he quickly exited the room. About 10 minutes later, someone else's phone goes off, and he does the same. At our next break, I found out the first guy had received an email saying Reggie Theus was heading to Iowa. The other guy got a Rick Majerus message. It was far more important than the deposition.

Anyway, after today's events (which have been run down pretty solidly by our friends at The Hairgel), I'm putting the odds at 65% Majerus, 25% Altman, 10% field (with Theus and Lowery leading the way). The odd part of the Majerus speculation is the rumor that B.J. Armstrong would be brought in as his assistant, obviously as the heir apparent if and when a massive coronary takes down the great man.

Updates this weekend as news warrants. I'll be in Iowa City (hopefully in the mafioso booth at Quinton's) knocking back some cocktails Saturday night. Ladies...

Rampant Speculation on the eBays...

2007-03-29T11:26:00.000-05:00

...Dana Altman will be named the new head coach at Iowa by noon tomorrow. Purely speculation at this point, though.

UPDATE: OK, maybe not. Kevin McKenna's move for the Indiana State job (to be announced today) is a bad sign; he was long thought to be the heir apparent to Altman at CU.

It's Not Plagarism If You Link To It...

2007-03-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

Take a time out from reading the personal and professional bio of Northwestern State coach Mike McConathy (oh, what a stroke of poetic justice that hire would be) and check out what some other people have done over the past few days.

From the Wiz, smart people are burning down ivory towers over Domaingate. Note how sports bloggers are now known as "rabble-rousers." By the way, after I'm done rousing rabble over here, Jughead and I are going on a double date with the Boppsie twins.

Awful Announcing has graded the performances of the announcers doing the tournament. Billy Raftery...With the A minus! Take it to the rack, big fella!

The Big Ten is #1/#2 in the Fullmer Cup. Jim Delaney was absolutely right about those standards.

In a move that would demand its own post under normal circumstances, ESPN decided that Joe Theismann wasn't good enough for football on Mondays but plenty good for football on Saturdays. Because you know what I want from a college football announcer? One who admits he likes pro football more. By the way, EDSBS is threatening self-induced brain damage over this turn of events.

And finally, the Big Blue basketball search has turned the Michigan bloggers against one another.* Of course, you all know what this means...

MICHIGAN BLOGGER STEEL CAGE DEATH MATCH!

For a thorough update on the UM search, check out this post from mGoBlog. And if Bielein really is their choice, it may require a complete recalibration of the Iowa odds. I still think Altman will be announced by this time next week, but Lowery and Stallings might be more eligible than I first believed.

* - By the way, I wrote a post last night that I decided to delete. If you wanted the jist of it, read this column and substitute "Altman" for "Beilein." Note especially the last two graphs.

The Short List, v. 2.0

2007-03-27T18:18:00.000-05:00

It's Going to be OK

I think the running opinion now, at least among non-delusional Iowa fans, is that Barta will make a solid, safe choice now that Pearl is out of the picture. That only pushes Dana Altman closer to the job (if he will take it, that is). But there is one interesting scenario in play: the short-term PR fix.

The biggest problem for Barta now is Minnesota's signing of Tubby Smith (a masterstroke, especially coming off the confusing Tim Brewster hire). There is nobody else on the radar with the same star power as Smith, but Barta doesn't want to be seen as falling behind Minny. The smart play would be Altman or Lowery, a young coach with a proven track record from a mid-major program who would bring stability and, hopefully, success to the program. But Barta may feel pressured to make a big move. Imagine getting Majerus or someone of that ilk, a stand-in coach with a big name who can give you three to five years of his time until another successor is ready. For that reason, I'm moving Majerus to 10:1 odds and leaving the door open for Steve Lavin, Huggy Bear (still highly unlikely, but maybe a little less so), or another big-name coach waiting in the wings. I still don't see a big-money run at Gillispie or Stallings in the mix, though.

I still think this is Dana Altman's job to lose. But that's not to say it's a mortal lock.

By the way, Bruce Pearl is a class act. He could have declined the call, thereby diminishing the stature of the program. He could have played Iowa's offer for a raise from Rocky Top (like Alford or Ferentz has done routinely in the past). But he praised the institution and the program, then said he was happy in Knoxville. So thanks for making the rejection sting just a little less, Bruce.

One Down...

2007-03-27T13:26:00.000-05:00

Barta talked to Bruce Pearl. He's not interested.

One big name down. The Hairgel is still considering Majerus, but I don't see it happening. Are there any other big names being considered, or is this now Altman's job? Huggy Bear is a non-starter, given the current administration's NFLPA-like performance in getting rolled by the faculty. Does Barta attempt to throw more than $2M at Crean/Stallings/the like? Would that even be enough? And doesn't that leave us with another Alford-like monster, looking for a better job every offseason?

Lon Kruger, maybe the biggest name left out there, moves to 4 to 1.

The head coach at Northwestern State has applied for the Iowa job. 30,000 Iowa fans just started screaming.

The speculation has Billy Donovan going to UK. That means Izzo stays put, and the dominoes that may have been set in motion by Izzo to UK don't fall.

Update later this afternoon.

The Short List

2007-03-25T14:28:00.000-05:00

Before I get to the topic of conversation, I'd like to thank the following people:

Gary Barta (let me count the ways...)
Steve Alford
The people buying Kirk Ferentz termination-related domain names
Steve Alford's Hair Gel (who knew there were this many snarky Iowa fans out there?)
The Wizard of Odds (who broke Domaingate, and will hereafter be known in this circle as Woodward & Bernstein)
Anyone who added a link to this site or added us to a blogroll
Anyone who reads this site (I can't imagine why you do it)
Google Analytics

Due to the power of modern technology and the unusual plethora of Iowa-related sports stories this week, we just had the biggest week in the history of the site. So thanks, y'all.

Now, the short list of possible successors to the throne:

DANA ALTMAN - Current head coach at Creighton

Positives: Midwestern guy who has turned down other schools (most notably Miami (FL)) so he can stay in the midwest; very successful with Creighton for a very long time; well-known and respected by Iowa fans; runs a high post offensive system that would fit the program well; strong, if not spectacular, recruiter, who improves his players over time; recruits Iowa particularly well (Nate Funk, Kyle Korver, Ryan Sears, to name a few); Ferentz-like demeanor and attraction to the school; inside word is Iowa is the job he's waited for (loyalty should not be an issue); routinely kicks the crap out of his in-state rival (this year notwithstanding)

Negatives: Got canned at K-State; doesn't deal well with primadonnas (and so he doesn't recruit them, though that could be a positive); while he carries the same kind of respect at CU that Captain Kirk does here, he also has been subject to some of the same tongue-biting criticism as of late; hasn't fared particularly well in the tournament; not yet known if he can build a Big Ten contender with the type of players he regularly gets; is already making about $800k a year at Creighton with complete job security, so the offer would have to be significant

Prognosis: Despite rumors to the contrary, I still think he's the leader at the turn. If you didn't catch it in my earlier remarks, I think he is the Kirk Ferentz of basketball. And, in Iowa City post-Golden Boy, that would be a very attractive thing. Not the wildiest pick, but likely the safest. Odds are 2:1.

BRUCE PEARL - Current head coach at Rocky Top

Positives: Former Tom Davis assistant; proven commodity as a recruiter and coach; has told people he would only leave UT for Iowa (loyalty isn't in question); would drive ILLINI supporters crazy; coaches teams that are entertaining as hell; would no longer have to wear orange jackets

Negatives: May want too much money; has a tendency to implode down the stretch on occasion (as in, the loss against tOSU Thursday night); desire to return to Iowa is little more than speculation and gossip at the moment; may not be able to recruit the players he had at UT, thereby short circuiting the "entertaining as hell" basketball; may drive ILLINI supporters a little TOO crazy (and, believe me, they're unstable enough right now); oh, and there was the body painting thing.

Prognosis: Well, Barta's probably not going to ever have to hire a football coach, so if he wants to make a splash, this would be the pick. It would take a lot of moolah, but he was already paying a ridiculous amount to a basketball coach, and he avoided a buyout with Alford's move. It still remains to be seen if Pearl would consider leaving Knoxville. If so, I don't think the search goes any further, regardless of the price. Odds are 3:1.

LON KRUGER - Current head man at UNLV

Positives: Unquestionably successful at the college level (with a disasterous Tim Floyd-esque foray into the NBA); resurrected the legacy of Tark the Shark; Big Ten ties; solid recruiter with connections into Chicago; will also drive ILLINI fans crazy; give him two hours and a graduate course catalog, and he will find a way to get his son Kevin on next year's team; once offered fans of his awful Atlanta team a $125 refund on their season tickets; kind of looks like my high school math teacher; if he sucks, at least we can all say "Kruger, my son tells me your team STINKS!" in the Frank Costanza voice

Negatives: Has job-hopped a lot, and loyalty has to be an concern; has never been an trancendent game coach; without aforementioned Iowa ties, may take a job elsewhere; would you move out of Vegas?

Prognosis: I haven't been enamored with Kruger, but while writing this I realized there aren't any particularly negative things to question. I still don't think he's the top pick that some others do, but he wouldn't be a bad choice. Remains to be seen if he would take the job. Odds are 5:1.

CHRIS LOWERY - Current head coach at Southern Illinois

Positives: Another Mo Valley product with midwestern ties; his teams play stifling defense which I would give my right hand to watch; product of the Southern Illinois coaching juggernaut; Illinois recruiting inroads; hottest coaching commodity out there right now

Negatives: Hottest coaching commodity in a market where both UK and Big Blue are looking, so we might not have a chance; three former Saluki coaches in the Big Ten might be the first sign of the apocalypse; liable to get into a fistfight with Matt Painter, and Painter usually keeps a baseball bat under the ring for those sorts of things

Prognosis: If he doesn't get the UM job (or another one when a top coach goes to UK), Iowa could be an attractive option. Then again, he could just stay at Southern and keep winning the damn conference every season, too. I don't think we can get him. Odds are 8:1.

KIRK SPERAW - Current head coach, Central Florida

Positives: Young, talented, and successful; Sioux City native; played at Iowa under Lute; learned as an assistant under Lute and the aforementioned Kruger; built a program at UCF from the ground up; recruing ties in the south and southwest; wins a lot of games and makes the tournament occasionally, even though he coaches at a school nobody has ever heard of.

Negatives: Nobody has ever heard of him; has his own self-aggrandizing website, which seems a little Alford-esque; having two coaches named Kirk would almost certainly make my head explode.

Prognosis: The real dark horse here. If Barta wanted to make a pick out of nowhere and hope to be considered a genius down the road, this might be the choice. Would almost mirror the Ferentz football hire, in that he is an unknown coach with UI ties who may well see Iowa as his dream job. Don't count him out. Odds are 8:1.

GREG McDERMOTT - Current head coach of The Great Satan

Positives: Would only add to the inferiority complex of ISU (only Bruce Pearl would piss off a rival more); was considered the heir apparent if Golden Boy made the jump to Hoosier Daddy or Mizzou last season; has publicly stated an interest in the job in the past; loves Iowa (the state) to the point that he refuses to leave for employment elsewhere; could be announced in one of those "Hulk Hogan joins NWO" press conferences, where he takes a steel chair to Jamie Pollard's melon

Negatives: Known terrorist

Prognosis: Is not going to happen. Barta is too emasculated to make this move (and if you're emasculated by a guy named Jamie, you might have had good reason to purchase firegarybarta.com), and, frankly, I don't want him. Odds are 15:1.

OTHERS WORTH MENTIONING (JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE BEING MENTIONED ON THE eBAYS)

Billy Gillispie (A&M) - Surely you jest.
Tom Crean (Marquette) - Comical. There is NO CHANCE he's leaving Marquette (now a bona fide major program in the Big East) for Iowa.
Kevin Stallings (Vandy) - Maybe a little less myopia, but still not gonna happen.
Rick Majerus (your local IHOP) - Mentioned at the end of every season since 1995, but the age/health concerns/total obnoxiousness makes him a bad choice. He does know a lot about O-fense, though.
Bob Huggins (K State) - Too many concerns about graduation rates from the holier-than-thou eggheads. Too little time at KSU. I'd kinda like to see it, but it ain't gonna happen.
Bob Knight (Texas Tech) - Would be like watching Kill Bill every time Hoosier Daddy came around. He would be my choice. But he'll be 67 when next season starts, and his son has indicated that he thinks pops is going to call it quits soon.
Dr. Tom Davis (formerly of Drake) - Can you imagine the reaction from Bowlsby? That alone would make the return of the troll worthwhile. He's retired though. And you have to question the judgment of a man who named his son after the casino game with the worst odds, don't you? I wonder if his daughter is named Roulette.

Is there anyone else?

Larry Eustachy - Now we're talking!

Make Like a Tree and Get Outta Here

2007-03-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

It's official. Golden Boy is in New Mexico. I thought the best part of this would be the (hopefully) inevitable turnaround of a once-proud basketball program, but that's not it. I thought it might be the exorcism of so many demons (some Steve's fault, some not), but that wasn't it, either. It was opening the Des Moines Register to the Shakespearean prose of Seth "Lil' Sonderliter" Gorney:

"Around here, he was getting a bunch of slander and everything."
"It boggled my mind. If they don't know him, then why would they want to judge him? I don't think it's fair."
"Out there, they're big-time with basketball, whereas here, it's football - with some basketball. He's going to a school where basketball is the main sport."
"I don't think anyone likes to hear that the coach that recruited you is taking another job. I'm really indifferent to it right now."
Gorney said he doesn't have a preference on the next coach "as long as they know what they're doing," he said.

Greco-Roman wrestling match with the English language aside (I highly doubt he meant to use "indifferent" as he did, and I guarantee he couldn't identify "slander" if it walked up and introduced itself), Gorney's comment on Iowa as a football school is the one true indictment of the Alford era. Take a trip with me, back...to the future!

The date? October 26, 1999. Earlier in the year, Iowa hired two new coaches: the unknown Kirk Ferentz and the positively famous Steve Alford. In the prior year, Iowa football was 3-8, and Iowa basketball had made the Sweet 16. Every person on campus believed in Alford; nobody had ever heard of Ferentz. Alford even sold out a preseason lecture on basketball. In his first game, Ferentz was trounced by perennial powerhouse Nebraska, a team two years removed from half a national championship. On the other hand, in his first game, Alford beat the #1 UConn Huskies, the defending national champions. Both teams eventually sucked (football only won once; basketball went 14-16), but there was a hint of promise with the basketball program that simply didn't exist with football.

But football began to improve, and the (dare I say) magical 2002 season put Iowa football back on the national radar. In the meantime, Alford's basketball teams continued to languish in the middle of the Big Ten. Compare the year-by-year records of the two coaches:

FERENTZ vs. ALFORD
1999: 1-10 (0-8) / 14-16 (6-10)
2000: 3-8 (3-5) / 23-12 (7-9)
2001: 7-5 (4-4) / 19-16 (5-11)
2002: 11-1 (8-0) / 17-14 (7-9)
2003: 10-2 (6-2) / 16-13 (9-7)
2004: 10-3 (7-1) / 21-12 (7-9)
2005: 7-4 (5-3) / 25-9 (11-5)
2006: 6-7 (2-6) / 17-14 (9-7)

In all but two seasons, Ferentz's teams exceeded expectations; in all but two seasons, Alford's failed to meet theirs. The mediocrity and underachievement of the program, when combined with the Pierre Pierce fiasco, the constant wooing of Indiana, the arrogance (real or perceived), and the consistent success of football made it impossible for the Golden Boy. I've handed it to him all season; this team did far better than I ever thought it could. But when 17-14, with losses to UNI and Drake, is in excess of expectations, you realize how far you've fallen.

I'm glad Alford is gone (I even did a little jig around my office when I heard the news), but I don't think I'm glad for all the same reasons. Contrary to popular opinion, he did a pretty good job the last couple of years. But it is unquestionably the best move for all parties that he leaves now on his terms.

As for Gorney, someone needs to get him a tape of the Lute years. Or the Armstrong years. Or even the Settles years. Iowa isn't a football school with a little basketball. Iowa supports a program that wins with class. Too often in the past eight years, Iowa basketball has done neither.

Dana Altman Had Better Be on Speed Dial

2007-03-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

Do Lobos have horns?

Golden Boy is off to the great Southwest, like Don Quixote without the windmills. And this isn't idle chatter; it's coming from semi-legitimate news outlets like WHO Des Moines (did you know they used to employ Ronald Reagan?) and KXIC Iowa City.

Obviously, this moves Domaingate off the front page, and there are plenty of questions. But I, like most Iowa fans, will not shed a tear over the loss, especially if Dana Altman gets the job. He's the obvious choice (actually, he was the obvious choice 8 years ago), because he would reinvigorate in-state recruiting.

Just look at this list of Iowa basketball players who didn't play for Iowa during the Alford tenure (just off the top of my head):

Kirk Hinrich (Rock Chalk)
Nick Collison (Jayhawk)
Kyle Korver (lifelong Hawkeye ignored by Alford; Creighton)
Nate Funk (Creighton)
Brian Bohannon (whose dad played for Iowa; Wisky)
Grant Stout (UNI; in Steve's defense, might not be any better than our current guys)

And I doubt that's it. Now, the big questions:

Why the hell did this happen? It's a pretty obvious step down, after all.
Who else is in play for the job? The Lon Kruger rumor is absurd.
Who leaves? The only obvious question may be Tyler Smith (who would dominate in Altman's high post set, by the way)
Do the recruits stay? I'm guessing the annual contingent of mediocre Indianans (I made that word up) may back out, but the big question is the much-hyped class of 2008.

In any case, it's finally a brave new world in Carver-Hawkeye. And probably not a moment too soon.

By the way, Tom Davis retired today, as well. It seems particularly fitting now. Godspeed, Good Doctor.

Is "Keep-Kirk-Ferentz-but-Fire-His-Offensive- and-Defensive-Coordinators.com" Taken?

2007-03-21T12:48:00.000-05:00

Earlier in the week, we brought up the firekirkferentz.com story from The Wizard of Odds. Irish Hawk left this comment:

How much do these go for?? B/c we could register
"firekirkfrentznow.com"
or another variation of bad coaches and make a killing.

Well (again according to the Wiz, who is a much better reporter than me), that's exactly what's happening:

Given developments since the story broke, Iowa's decision to snap up seven domain names appears to be backfiring. Interest in other cyberspace combinations have sparked a new round of domain name staking. We heard from one individual who purchased Fire-Kirk-Ferentz.com. A check also showed that FireFerentz.com had been secured in the previous 24 hours.

Now, we all need to come together as a nation of Iowa supporters and agree to a method for deciding which Kirk Ferentz termination-related website will rule supreme. You know what that means...

DOMAIN NAME STEEL CAGE DEATH MATCH!

Big Ten Year in Review - Minnesota/Penn State

2007-03-20T17:31:00.000-05:00

So, now that the annual Billy Packer Douchebag Extravaganza is entering its second week - and my bracket is in flames (the chalkiest tournament in recent memory, this March Madness) - I'm going to begin reviewing the Big Ten season. I'll be referring to the preview I did in December, pointing out where I was right and, more often than not, where I was wrong.

MINNESOTA GOLDEN GOPHERS (9-22 overall; 3-13 conference)

I think that pretty well sums it up.

First, from the preview:

The rumors of Dan Monson's imminent demise have been greatly exaggerated over the past couple of seasons (to the point that the Star-Tribune made a "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline gaffe last March). He benefits from being the fifth-biggest game in town (Vikings, T-Wolves, Gopher football, and Gopher hockey are bigger, as are ice fishing and licking flagpoles). But this might be the season where he finally goes down. The Precious Metallic Rodents return zero seniors, and only four players with conference game experience. Vince Grier is gone, along with pretty much everyone else you ever saw in a Gopher uniform over the past season. And that team wasn't very good, either. They're replaced by a ragtag group of JUCO transfers and typically unathletic Minnesota big men. And the unathletic big men are their best asset this season. Yikes. Throw in Monson's traditional inability to win games (as in, one NCAA appearance in six years) and all indications are that this team will blow, a feeling that has been confirmed by early-season losses to Iowa State, Southern Illinois, Montana, and Marist. Ouch. This one's gonna hurt....You can't spell "Minnesota University Golden Gopher Basketball" without "STRUGGLING." 9-20, and Monson gone by February 1.

I Was Right:

Well, I was right about Monson. He was gone by the beginning of Big Ten play. And the unathletic big men were their best asset; the best Gopher all year was Spencer Tollackson (the aforementioned brother from My Name is Earl). Oh, and I hit the number of wins right on the money. Someone call Vegas.

I Was Wrong:

I was wrong to say there were no positives for this team. There were no seniors, so the experience of a Big Ten season alone should help, especially with the return of Coleman, Mackenzie, Tollackson, and Abu-Shamayla. All four of those guys showed a little promise this season. If they ever decide on a coach, they could be a little interesting next year. Also, I was apparently wrong on the number of games they would play. Not entirely certain why.

Prognosis:

Still pretty negative. The program has absolutely no continuity at the moment, and the athletic department really doesn't seem to care. They return everyone, but I don't know exactly how good that is. I would expect a little improvement next year, but 6 conference wins would be great unless Bob Knight is the next coach.

PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS (11-19 overall; 2-14 conference)

The closest PSU came to stomping an opponent all season.

From the preview:

JoePa, titanium knee and all, could probably outjump anyone on this team. That being said, they're young, they had a relatively good year last season (6 conference wins, NIT appearance), and their best player returns....Geary Claxton will make or break this team. He averaged 15 last season; getting into the 19-22 PPG range could take this team over the top. Combine that with some experienced guard play (2 senior starting guards, neither of which score a whole lot) and PSU might not be too bad....There's no size on this roster. They have a couple of stiffs over 6'9" but no low post threat. Actually, outside Claxton and Jamelle Cornley, who averaged over 11 PPG last season, there's not a whole lot of scoring here. Big problem when the team that scores the most points wins the game. Oh, and Claxton broke his hand and will be out until at least the second week of December....The Claxton-less Lions already lost to Stony Brook. And then they beat St. Joe's. So who the hell knows what's going to happen? I'll say they finish about 5-11 in the conference (they have a brutal two week stretch in February where they will face tOSU and Wisky twice each). They'll drop at least two more in non-conference play. That means something like 15-14 should be about right.

I Was Right:

They had no size or scoring. And JoePa could outjump everyone.

I Was Wrong:

I completely underestimated the effect College Station apathy has on this team. I don't think Iowa fans can understand how little PSU fans care about basketball. Their spirit has been sucked dry by year after year of rebuilding projects, losses, firings, rebuilding projects, losses, firings, ad infinitum. England and Ireland haven't repeated history this often. Every coach walks into that program looking to turn it around, and every one fails to make an immediate impact, and the fans head for the exits. Ed DeChellis may soon be gone, for exactly the same reasons (Run Up The Score, if you want to chime in here on whether I'm accurate and why, I'd appreciate it).

I was right to say that Claxton was their best player, but even his Herculean performances couldn't hide the fact that this team sucked. Claxton finished with 16.9 PPG, but would have had to approach 30 to pull PSU out of its tailspin. In fact, some might argue that Claxton's return hindered the progress of this team in some way. I also failed to call the inevitable win at home over Iowa in late February, a pick so obvious a caveman could make it.

When I'm calling in a wager on Iowa-Penn State, I wonder, "Are
there demons inside this contraption controlling my thoughts?" I
don't know. My caveman mind cannot grasp these concepts.

Who Wants to Fire El Capitan?

2007-03-19T13:28:00.000-05:00

Long-time readers may remember this: Back in September, we found the University had purchased the rights to www.firegarybarta.com. ("The Real-Life Gil Thorp," 9/25/06). Well, that's not the only domain name the University owns. Via The Wizard of Odds:

Last month, the University of Iowa Athletic Department purchased the domain FireKirkFerentz.com, which was previously owned by Redshirted.com, a site that sells fireyourcoach domain names.

Ferentz, the Iowa coach, is the highest-paid employee in the state with an annual salary of $2.7 million. His teams won 31 games during a three-year span from 2002-2004, but his past two squads have struggled to 7-5 and 6-7 records. FireKirkFerentz.com now redirects you to HawkeyeSports.com, the main site of Iowa athletics.

Redshirted is reportedly operated by a technology worker in Austin and last August had fireyourcoach domain rights to 27 coaches. That list has dwindled to 20 and the site lists FireKirkFerentz.com as one of nine domains sold.

To the best of our knowledge, Iowa is the first athletic department to take the proactive move of purchasing domains that could be used to criticize athletic department officials. Iowa also has rights to FireLisaBluder.com, the women's basketball coach, and FireGaryBarta, the athletic director. Those two URLs also redirect you to HawkeyeSports.com.

Up to this point, such purchases have been made by fans, the most notable coming in 2002 when a Florida fan purchased FireRonZook.com shortly after he was named Gator coach.

Notably absent? FireTomBrands.com. Because Tom Brands rules.

I'll be back tonight or tomorrow with a review of our Big Ten preview.

Tournament Picks, Final Eight

2007-03-14T08:21:00.000-05:00

I hate the "Elite Eight." I refuse to use it. So there.

Before we get going, Bill Simmons stole my Snoop Dogg/LBC angle from yesterday (not that it was particularly original), then included Name of the Year as his "favorite March Madness timekiller" today. I think he's a closet fan of the site.

And, after further review (especially the criminal seeding), I'm changing my pick, putting UNLV over Georgia Tech. They could be Wisky, as well, but I'm not going that far.

To the picks...

MIDWEST - I know it was their best game of the season, but after watching the Pac-10 final, I get the feeling Oregon is peaking at exactly the right time. Regardless of who comes out of the top half of this bracket (I have Maryland; the rest of the planet has Florida), I think OREGON gets the win.

WEST - Normally, I would look at the numbers and knee-jerk choose Rock Chalk over UCLA. But let's have a look at KU's losses this season. Oral Roberts and DePaul make virtually no sense, but Tech and A&M were losses against great game coaches. And if there's one thing Bill Self will never be confused with, it's a great game coach. When the talent gap tightens, it's the coaching that matters. And guess what? Ben Howland is one of those coaches. Throw in the experience from a Final Four run and games in their own backyard, and I'll take UCLA over KU.

EAST - Too much size. Too much Jeff Green. Too much ability to slow down Carolina. Too much mask on Hansborough's melon. It's everyone's favorite #2 seed, but I too am going with GEORGETOWN.

SOUTH - Ohio State was playing with 9 chiefs and no indians for a good chunk of the season, but all of that changed sometime in mid-February. Finally, they were content to work the ball through Oden. And great things happened, like two dismantlings of Wisconsin. I'm the first one to admit the Big Ten is down this season, and there's no way the conference deserved the number of bids it got, but tOSU is for real. And, despite my love of Acie Law and all the clutch shots that come with him, I don't think A&M has enough to stay in this game. OHIO STATE is my only #1 seed in the Final Four.

OREGON vs. UCLA - Oregon won game 1 by 2 at home. UCLA won game 2 by 12 at home. UCLA is the better team. I'm taking the Bruins.

tOSU vs. GEORGETOWN - Georgetown has beaten its opponents all year long by occupying the middle with their big guys, putting the ball in Green's hands, and letting him destroy the opponent. I don't think you can beat tOSU that way. Oden plays his one-man zone and contains Hibbert, and the never-ending wave of tOSU perimeter players stifles Jeff Green (to the extent Jeff Green can be stifled). In other words, the team with a dominant center and a never-ending stream of perimeter players who can play some defense is the worst possible matchup for Georgetown. So long as tOSU's shooting doesn't go south (and it hasn't crippled them in a game since Oden got to 75% health), tOSU is in the final...

tOSU vs. UCLA - ...and they're an equally horrible matchup for UCLA, a team without a big man to answer Oden. They should have had it in football; they'll get it in basketball. THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY is your national champion. Get down, Mr. Oden...

World B. Free's Got Nothin' On Me

2007-03-08T14:40:00.000-06:00

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Read and it will be self-explanatory:

Name of the Year

I highly recommend the Name of the Year lists on the right. Oh dear God.

The Billy Packer Douchebag Festival Begins...

2007-03-07T17:04:00.000-06:00

...and it's not yet even Selection Sunday.

For those of you who have forgotten, Mr. Packer is the 137 year-old (approximate) curmudgeon who does color commentary on CBS. He's joined by "King of the WASPs" Jim Nantz in what can only be described as a soul-sucking unholy allegiance of hatred, oldness, and bad punnery. You might remember him from such idiotic comments as:

"He was just going for the ball...Jim, if anything, that was probably Hansbrough's fault for going after Henderson's elbow with his face ..." - Packer on Herderson's assault and battery of Hansborough (though he did have the decency to point out that "The game is over, scorewise," reminding us gamblers that Duke still had a chance to cover the spread)
"I don't see how you let in a George Mason and leave out a Maryland." - Packer on Selection Sunday 2006, lamenting the rejection of a 7-9 ACC team for a mid-major. When not annoying the public at large, Packer does ACC games for local affiliates. Oh, and GMU went to the Final Four.
"He's a tough monkey." - Packer describing Allen Iverson, circa 1996.
"I never wanted Billy inbounding the ball, because he would try to throw it to himself." - Packer's coach at Wake Forest

And the list goes on today, as Packer takes a shot at the impending inclusion of more mid-majors in this year's tournament (in USA Today):

CBS analyst Billy Packer, who will call his 33rd Final Four, doesn't like what he sees as change in the NCAA men's basketball tournament. Now, he says, there will be 50 tournament teams "that can beat any other team on a one-game basis," up from maybe four teams in that category a decade ago. But isn't that more entertaining? Sure, Packer says: "If you're a sports fan, this is far more exciting."

But, Packer says, "If you're a technical nerd, like I'm considered by some people, there are all kinds of flaws." Like the college tournament, he says, having been infected by And1, referring to the shoe sponsor whose tournaments spawned ESPN's TV series. "That's summer-league guys showboating," he says. "It's like the NBA All-Star Game. I call that And1. It's not basketball."
The new rule forcing players to go to college for a year before turning pro has created "a problem much bigger than anybody in position of control is admitting." Players who should go straight from prep games to the pros should just do it, he says.

I'm sorry, but enough is enough. Why in the name of all that is holy does CBS subject us to this never-ending douchebaggery? I know Billy probably knew Dr. James Naismith in college, but the "And 1" game? So what exactly IS basketball, Mr. Packer? It's not as if basketball players started running the fast break and wearing baggy shorts overnight, after all. The obvious response to Packer can't be done any better than it was on Run Up the Score, and I'm not going to try to reinvent the wheel. But there are three other obvious flaws in Packer's idiocy that must be tackled:

First, exactly what is the correlation between the rise of mid-major programs and "And 1" basketball? When you think up-tempo, "showboating" basketball, the names that immediately come to mind are Rock Chalk, Ohio State, UNC (to a ridiculous degree), and (maybe) Arizona. Can anyone name one single mid-major team which "showboats" like any of those teams? If anything, Packer should be praising the mid-majors as the triumph of experience and fundamental basketball over McDonald's All-American recruiting, not trashing it as the cause of all the (non-existent) problems he has with the game today.

Second, and this is almost indisputable, but the immediate jump of top players from prep ball to the pros is exactly the reason the mid-majors are winning. A group of seven upperclassmen, who have played together for 2-3 years, can overcome the five best freshmen in the country on a given night. If those freshmen still played as juniors, the same could not be said. It's not just mid-majors, but senior-laden mid-majors, who are making it into the dance. George Mason and Wichita are perfect examples from last year, and Southern Illinois and Butler are great ones from this year.

Third, what exactly makes a major conference? Is there any discernable difference between the Big East and the Mo Valley, other than tradition? Look at the numbers:

There are exactly the same number of state schools in each conference (6), even though the MVC has six fewer members
Average enrollment is skewed by South Florida, Rutgers, Cincinatti, and Pitt, but the Big East leads (21,110 vs. 12,476); that number was much closer in the original Big East (17,670 vs. 12,746), as South Florida and Cinci move that number up.
Average attendance is tighter (10,585 vs. 9,478). In the interest of fairness, that number has moved slightly closer since the exodus/expansion; South Florida plays in an elementary school gym with 37 seats, though they sell out almost all of the time.
The Big East has D-1 football, but barely; eight teams don't play. None of the Valley teams play D-1, but that's reallty only three more basketball-only members than the Big East.
The "tradition" of the Big East, ironically, is in schools that weren't, until recently, members of the conference (Louisville and Cincinatti have won the most championshipsand appeared in the most Final Fours; UConn is the only original member to have ever won more than once).

So where's the marked difference in size that entitles the Big East to Packer's praises? The play is probably better (mostly due to the "And 1" recruits at those schools), but, as we all saw last year (and this year - just ask Syracuse/LSU/the entire state of Iowa), not that much better. So what's the basis of this David vs. Goliath thing? Why does Packer lament at-large bids in the Colonial, the Valley, or the WAC when asking for more from the Big East or ACC? (By the way, the ACC is even smaller in average enrollment than the Big East, but at least they have some good football, and nobody can deny the tradition of Tobacco Road.)

The lesson, as always: Billy Packer is a turd sandwich.

It's Not Plagarism If You Link To It...

2007-03-06T14:11:00.000-06:00

Stuff other people have written that you should read:

ESPN ombudsman George Solomon, who I kinda sorta attacked as a sycophant last month, is calling it quits. His greatest hits have been compiled at Hurricanes are for Drinking (which I haven't read until Deadspin linked to it this afternoon, and I've gotta say it's not too bad).

Complete Sports blatantly steals my idea for the rest of the week. Bastards.

Via Deadspin, Ron Zook can't read a schedule.

The Every Day Should Be Saturday run-down of ESPN: The Weekend is about as funny as it gets.

And this is almost a year old, but it's probably my favorite article of all time. The guys over at the M Zone took the time to publish the M Zone Wonderlic test. It was then stolen, word-for-word, by Colin Cowherd from ESPN Radio. I hate that guy, not only because he sucks at life but also because he took Kornheiser's radio spot. Now, with the return of Old Guy Radio on washingtonpost.com (with podcasts available on iTunes), seems to be a good time to resurrect this bit of humor.

March Blahness, Pt. 1 - The Big Ten (plus one)

2007-03-05T17:11:00.000-06:00

I hate being an Iowa basketball fan.

Implode at MSU. Stomp Purdue. Collapse against Penn State. Beat ILLINI. I can't take it anymore. This season has to end before it leaves me in a coma.

Speaking of which, Big Ten tournament pairings are out. My preview:

THURSDAY
(8) Michigan vs. (9) Minnesota - Everyone is claiming this is a must-win for Michigan. I can't imagine any possible scenario where Michigan gets in without winning the whole damn thing, and I don't think anyone who has watched them more than once can claim differently. The collapse against tOSU would be absolutely epic, had it not been for the fact that Big Blue has collapsed in an identical manner at least 5 other times during Amaker's reign of terror. And, even though I know Blue is the better team, I'm taking the awful, AWFUL Gophers here.

(By the way, the answer is yes: it might actually be worse to be a Michigan basketball fan than an Iowa fan. That being said, name one thing about Michigan's resume that Iowa doesn't have, and I think we all know the Hawks are heading to the NIT. The fact that Michigan's in the discussion is absurd).

(7) Michigan State vs. (10) Northwestern - What, are you kidding me? MSU needs two to punch their ticket, and this is the first. Izzo HUGE.

(6) ILLINI vs. (11) Pennsylvania State University - Goodbye, Geary. Goodbye, Ed DiChellis. Hello, JoePa Basketball!

FRIDAY
(1) tOSU vs. (9) Minnesota - Heh.

(4) Iowa vs. (5) Purdue - I want to take Purdue here. I really do. I just want this roller-coaster to end. And I know that, if Iowa wins here, I'll talk myself into thinking they'll get tOSU feeling a little lackadaisical, and Haluska will put the team on his back and go for 40, and I will be forced to go to Chicago for the weekend. And then they'll certainly lose and I'll be stuck in Chicago watching tOSU against whoever beats Wisconsin (more on this later).

But you know what? Iowa won't lose this game, because they won't lose to a team coached by Shane McMahon. Hawks in a close one.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet
your 2007 Purdue Boilermakers!

(2) Wisconsin vs. (7) MSU - Take it away, Mr. Sinatra:

And so, the end is near, and now I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my case of which I'm certain:
I've lost my big man, I'm guaranteed a Number Two,
And much, much more than this, I'm playing again against MSU"

Didn't win the first time. Shouldn't have won the second time. Won't win the third time. MSU rolls the Badgers. And, believe me, we'll be pulling the final curtain on Wisky soon enough.

(3) Indiana vs. (6) ILLINI - After losing at Carver, The Team Without A Name needs a win to punch their ticket. But last I checked, Illinois still doesn't have a point guard. Maybe Kelvin will loan them The Troll. Hoosier Daddy BIG.

SATURDAY
(1) tOSU vs. (4) Iowa - The incredibly freaking awesome Big Ten Wonk published his big statistical analysis of the conference (and a smaller look at all other power conferences) this weekend. Iowa averaged 1.05 points per possession in the conference this year. Points allowed per possession? 1.05. That's fourth in the conference on offense and eighth on defense. However, there aren't that many teams who are better in both:

Wisconsin
OSU
Indiana
North Carolina
Maryland
Pittsburg
Louisville
Georgetown
Notre Dame
Rock Chalk Jayhawk (whose number is astounding)
A&M
UCLA
USC
Florida
Kentucky

Not on that list? Just about every lock from the ACC (such as DUKE, BC, GT, etc.), Pac-10, and Big XII. There are obvious differences in the conferences which may determine some of this, and he is adding a "tempo rating" to account for some of that differences. Also, there are some teams better in one and even in another (including good teams like Washington State and Rocky Top, and not so good ones like Mississippi State and Mizzou). Nevertheless, Iowa's numbers are awfully good when you look at it. Every team on that list is a lock. Pretty much every one of them will be a top-5 seed. I know the non-conference losses screwed Iowa's chances (Drake, Arizona State, and UNI in particular are looking awful), but I still don't get why this team has no chance when Big Blue and ILLINI are in the hunt.

In any case, Iowa has to win here to get into the conversation. But tOSU knows a #1 seed is locked with a win here (the selection committee will already have them in place before the conference final is played, especially if Wisconsin goes early). Too much Oden. Too much talent. Too much tOSU.

(3) Indiana vs. (6) MSU - Is there anyone else who thinks Izzo watches the Iowa-IU game tape and realizes he has the personnel to shut down D.J. White? And is Indiana good enough from the perimeter to make up for it if he does? I think the answers are "yes" and "not quite," but Sparty has been so turnover-prone that the Sampson pressure wins out. Indiana in a close one.

SUNDAY
(1) tOSU vs. (3) Indiana - Hoosier daddy now? Exclamation point game for a team that knows it's got a chance. Your conference champions are The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

Shocking result, I know, but is there anyone in the conference who can beat this team when they're ready to play? I haven't seen them yet. So it's hoping for a lousy performance with the season wrapped up, but I just don't see it happening with this team. Believe me, I hope I'm wrong.

So, after wrapping up that little exercise, I think I'm going to do the Mo Valley later in the week. Oh, wait, nevermind. Creighton already won, I guess.

Just When I Thought I Was Out...

2007-02-26T10:04:00.000-06:00

Well, you have to hand it to the Hawkeyes. They get a MONSTER win over Purdue (a win that moved their RPI up by about 10 spots, as well), and they now have a legitimate chance to finish 10-6 in the conference and grab a #3 seed - yes, you read that right - in the Big Ten tournament. I know the RPI is low (it's in the 70's, as far as anyone can tell), but they've certainly sprinted to the finish.

The Hawks finish at Penn State and in Carver aginst ILLINI, and both are completely winnable. If they win both, and a couple of other things fall their way, they would finish third in the conference, ahead of MSU and IU, both of which should be in the tournament. They would likely face a mid-level opponent in the first round (maybe a rematch with Purdue), and would get a shot at Wisky with a win. Given the top-heaviness of the Big Ten (had she not died, there would certainly be an Anna Nicole Smith joke here), I think a run to the tournament final may be enough to get them in. Maybe. Possibly.

The only thing I know? I found myself watching Iowa Basketball with Steve Alford last night, and it wasn't because I lost a bet.

I'm leaving this morning for Chicago so I can take the Illinois bar exam. As a result, I probably won't be posting too much this week.

Well, That Should Just About Do It

2007-02-21T09:56:00.000-06:00

Iowa's pretty well cooked. Any hope of making the tournament died with this weekend's loss. And, like every year, we can all thank Michigan State for that.

The game itself was so ugly that it temporarily turned me to stone. Needless to say, it doesn't warrant much more comment. But the larger issue here is Iowa's complete inability to play in the Izzone. Look at these numbers from the past five seasons:

2007 - Michigan State 81, Iowa 49
2006 - Michigan State 85, Iowa 55
2005 - Michigan State 71, Iowa 69 (the one time we played well)
2004 - Michigan State 89, Iowa 72
2003 - Michigan State 82, Iowa 54

Take out the one anomaly, and that's an average loss of 26.75. That's beyond awful. So why does this happen every year?

Michigan State is better - Not necessarily. There is little doubt MSU is better than Iowa this year (though Iowa won at home). But last season, Iowa finished three games better overall and better in the conference. By any standard, Iowa was the better team. Probably applies to the other seasons, though.
Izzo is better - This goes without saying. However, it doesn't justify a 30-point spread, especially when you consider Iowa is 3-1 at home over that same period of time against Sparty at home (ironically, the only loss was also the only season where Iowa hung tough with MSU on the road).
It's a bad trip - And it is. There are few places worse than Iowa in February, but Michigan is one of them. Also, this game always seems to come at the tail-end of the season, which certainly doesn't help. But it doesn't stop Iowa from playing Michigan tough, so I don't think that's it.
The environment is brutal - Absolutely true. Ever since the students chanted "Grandpa Settles" and "Okie-holic" in the Dr. Tom era, it's been tough to play at the Breslin. The student surround the court and never quit. It's toughter than ILLINI or Indiana. But is it disabilitating? Nobody else seems to be as bothered by playing Sparty, and nobody else seems to have near the effect on the Hawks.

I guess it's a combination of all these factors, because there isn't any real answer. Just know that it's unequivocally true: When we go there, Sparty treats us like a red-headed stepchild.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That...

2007-02-19T08:46:00.000-06:00

I wanted to comment on The Worldwide Leader's ridiculous "coverage" of the John Amaechi non-story (after all, the guy was a thoroughly average NBA player - though this probably makes him the most famous Penn State basketball alum - and hasn't played for 4 years), but Sports Media Watch already did it for me.

It's not the first time ESPN has made a story where none exists. Hell, it's not the first time this month. But the recurring phenomenon of ESPN creating smoke and telling us there's a fire is getting very old.

Sayonara

2007-02-16T15:09:00.000-06:00

I'm signing off until Monday. Enjoy your bracket busters weekend. Go Bluejays.

You Can't Spell "I Have No Idea What the Hell Is Going On Here" Without ILLINI

2007-02-16T14:21:00.000-06:00

It's been an interesting year in Big Ten hoops, to be sure. But lost in the Greg Oden hoopla and the improbable success of Badgerland, there remains an unanswered question:

What the hell is going on at ILLINI?

In the last year, all of these things happened in Champaign:

Bruce Weber fails to recruit a point guard. Big mistake.
At the same time, Weber loses Eric Gordon to the Hoosiers. Kelvin Sampson obviously went over his alotted wireless minutes to get that one.
After non-conference losses to Maryland and Arizona, Weber publicly throws his team under the bus, calling it a "disaster."
His team responds by dropping three of its first four conference games, including an excruciating "snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" loss against MSU.
Two of his players are involved in a serious car accident, leaving one in the hospital in critical condition. Police reports indicate that, following the accident, Jamar Smith (the driver) DROVE THE CAR TO HIS APARTMENT with the injured Brain Carlwell still in the passenger seat, then left him in the car (and, for those of you who aren't living in the midwest, it's been unbearably cold for about two weeks now). By the way, Carlwell is now in fair condition, but will miss the remainder of the season.

Smith's Car: A visual reminder of the ILLINI's season...

This morning, I wake up to find out that Chief Illiniwek is dead.
For what it's worth, Lunardi moved them out of the field of 65 this week (they almost certainly need to win three of their last four, plus one in the Big Ten tournament, to get in).

And that pretty much brings us back up to speed. Earlier this year, there were a few who were calling for Weber's ouster, but it seemed overly harsh (we detailed the "good coach/lousy recruiter" angle in our ILLINI preview). Now? Maybe they were on to something. After all, if you are the disciplinarian coach of an undisciplined team, you've pretty well failed. In any case, there is no more dysfunctional or confusing team in the conference this year than Illinois. I just thank God it isn't Iowa for once.

He's Wild, He's Zany, He's Jimmy Delany

2007-02-14T08:28:00.000-06:00

The commissioner of the Big Ten throws down the gauntlet...

To Fans of the Big Ten and College Football

Feb. 9, 2007

Greetings from the Big Ten Conference,
With the conclusion of another tremendous college football season and the recent national signing day, there has been a lot written and said about the Big Ten's recruiting efforts across the country, including a recent article in the Chicago Sun-Times entitled "Big Ten needs to find new talent pool - fast" (see full article here). In response to these commentaries, it seems premature for us to lower our admission standards or give up on the tremendous talent pool in the Midwest. No doubt national programs must recruit nationally wherever the talented students and athletes live. Hats off to Florida and the SEC -- they had a great year. We believe that both the Big Ten and the SEC have been and remain two of the greatest college football conferences in the country. But you may want to keep in mind the following as you review the various recruiting services, listen to talking heads and reflect the blogosphere out there as they compare these two fine conferences. I think most people would agree that head-to-head competition is an effective method to compare relative strengths between competitive entities:
The Big Ten was 2-1 vs. the SEC in this past season's bowl games.
The Big Ten is 8-6 vs. the SEC in bowl games over the last five years
The Big Ten is 13-13 vs. the SEC in bowl games over the last decade.
Over the last nine years of Bowl Championship Series games, the Big Ten leads all conferences with 15 berths while ranking second with eight victories. The SEC tops all leagues with nine wins and ranks second to the Big Ten with 13 appearances.
In the last 10 years the Big Ten has produced two national champions compared to three for the SEC.
In the last 15 years the Big Ten has produced five Heisman Trophy winners, more than any other conference. Over that same time span, the SEC has claimed one Heisman.
While the SEC ranked first among various recruiting rankings, the Big Ten ranked second or third nationally with four to five programs rated among the top 25 recruiting classes.
The Big Ten has a history of developing players - the most recent Heisman Trophy winner, Troy Smith, was one of the last players to receive a scholarship from Ohio State.
The Big Ten has slightly less than 300 players in the NFL while the SEC has slightly more than 300; Sixteen former Big Ten players earned Super Bowl rings with the Indianapolis Colts earlier this month.
I love speed and the SEC has great speed, especially on the defensive line, but there are appropriate balances when mixing academics and athletics. Each school, as well as each conference, simply must do what fits their mission regardless of what a recruiting service recommends. I wish we had six teams among the top 10 recruiting classes every year, but winning our way requires some discipline and restraint with the recruitment process. Not every athlete fits athletically, academically or socially at every university. Fortunately, we have been able to balance our athletic and academic mission so that we can compete successfully and keep faith with our academic standards.
Let's see if the five- and 10-year trend lines hold or whether the recruiting services and talking heads are seeing a new day. We are quite proud of our history and tradition and remain optimistic about the future of Big Ten football.
Thanks.
Jim Delany

Well, Jim used many of the same numbers we did in reaching the same conclusion. But he went one better in making a thinly-veiled attack on the intellectual might of SEC football players.

I'll have more on this later (oh, you'd better believe I will), but this is about to get VERY interesting...

UPDATE: EDSBS is already on it, and destroying Jim's argument in a way you would only expect from students of a Big Ten institution.

Respect Their Authori-tah

2007-02-13T08:16:00.000-06:00

This is pretty damn brilliant...

And this? Not so much. If only we could get Rick Majerus involved; it could be the most annoying interview ever!

You Have Entered the Twilight Zone...

2007-02-11T10:54:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a weird couple of weeks in Iowa basketball. Three wins, including an improbable come-from-behind victory at Michigan (which I thought would leave the guys at The M Zone and MGoBlog apoplectic...but it really didn't), bookended by losses to Wisconsin (one bad, one not so bad). So, a few thoughts on the past two weeks and the academic year in general.

He's frustrating as hell, but Adam Haluska is officially the most entertaining Hawkeye since at least Andre Woolridge. 33 against Hoosier Daddy, followed by 34 against Minny, is the stuff of legends. And that 35-footer, followed by the chest bump with the Golden Boy, was one of the greatest moments of Alford's tenure at Iowa.
And, no, I have no idea what we're going to do once he's gone...
For years, the inside rumor has been Rick Majerus as the next coach at Iowa (even predating Steve Alford). And, after yesterday's game, I am in complete agreement. If we brought in Majerus as coach, he would stop ruining the games on television. Oh merciful God, was that bad. Of course, if he were coaching Iowa, he would lose both games to Wisconsin every year; the Badgers are so magnificent that Majerus might just forfeit and save himself the embarassment.
The Michigan game could have been the end. They were AWFUL in the first half. But you combine a downright lazy defensive/rebounding team like Michigan, a slow-footed (and exhausted) big man, completely inept coaching from Tommy Ammaker, and a red-hot Hawkeye squad in the second half, and it's the recipe for an upset. And Michigan fans, I now know how you can deal so well with Lloyd Carr. Compared to Ammaker, Carr looks like Schembechler and Bobby Knight rolled into one. I have never seen a big-time college coach look so flabbergasted in the face of a comeback. The ineptitude was absolutely amazing.
I was at the Hoosier game, and it was the most entertaining basketball game I've attended since...Indiana last year. The coaches, the team, the fans, everyone was fired up. My dad kept talking about how much Alford wanted to beat Indiana after the slight of not even getting an interview last spring, but I think he always wants Indiana more. And so do we. This might be the only thing we have in common with the Golden Boy. Beating Indiana is special. And yes, I know it shows we don't have the tradition of IU, or the same standards of success. You know what? I don't care.
Oh, and by the way, there is one unmistakable observation to make after watching thatgame: Craig Neal is very quietly running this team. And it's a very good thing.
Beating Minnesota is always fun, even when their best player is the brother from "My Name is Earl"

One last observation: For the last five years, we have all watched Hawkeye football teams which start sluggish but build as the season progresses, and we have all credited Captain Kirk for that. And we have watched a string of Iowa basketball teams start hot and implode in Big Ten play, and we have all blamed Golden Boy for that (repeatedly).

But this year, Iowa football positively quits halfway through the season - with very little blame placed on Ferentz - and the hoops team is slowly, steadily building toward the end of the year. Early losses to Arizona State (wha?) and Drake (huh?) are long-forgotten after inexplicable wins against Michigan and Indiana. Does this sound familiar? So where is the love for Steve? Let's face it, this team is not very good, and yet he has them in position to go 10-6 in the conference (go back and read my preview; I thought 7-9 was generous). Guys like Seth Gorney and Kurt Looby who couldn't possibly be worse in November are actually improving and contributing. And, while they might not get into the tournament, at least they're in the conversation and could run deep into the NIT. I'll be the first to admit that I've never given Alford a break, but I think he deserves one now. Bravo, Golden Boy. Bravo.

Smokin' Some Ombudsman

2007-02-07T17:11:00.000-06:00

OK, I want to talk about Signing Day, and I want to talk Iowa hoops, but I have to address this article by ESPN ombudsman George Solomon.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Mr. Solomon's work for The Worldwide Leader, he basically comes out of a cave once a month to respond to reader/viewer praise and criticism of ESPN's coverage of...well...everything. His "ombudsman" title is meant to convey that he is above reproach for any criticism of the network/website/multinational Disney-fed conglomerate juggernaut. He is supposed to be a liaison between the public and the press. Unfortunately, he's little more than a shill for ESPN, criticizing TWWL's over-the-top coverage of everything under the sun in only the most nuanced and subtle language possible.* He praised ESPN's putrid coverage of the World Cup, defended its decision to place GameDay where the ABC game was played (and not at the best game of the week), and actually found a way to criticize THE REST OF THE MEDIA for the ridiculous firing of Harold Reynolds (especially when you consider the light treatment of Irvin, Salisbury, and Tirico). I have gotten to the point where I read his articles only to feed my inner rage and marvel at the hypocricy and myopia that pervades the behemoth.

Today's article might be the worst yet. This passage sums it up pretty well:

"Dungy and Smith clearly were the No. 1 story line of Super Bowl week -- a fact that obviously irritated some viewers who believed it was overdone. ESPN commentator Michael Irvin, however, put the subject in context after the Colts' 29-17 victory over the Bears, noting on SportsCenter, "I couldn't be prouder of Tony Dungy ... and I'd like to look ahead to the time when such an event is not monumental."
That time, however, has not yet arrived and ESPN's coverage of the race issue was generally all-encompassing, smart and creative."

You see? Do you see what's going on here? IT'S ONLY MONUMENTAL BECAUSE YOU SAY IT'S MONUMENTAL! Bizzare as it may seem, ESPN still sees itself as a reporter of sports news, not a creator of sports news. But by talking about the race issue day and night, by incessantly dwelling on the "black head coach" angle, Michael Irvin makes it an issue. Tom Jackson, Chris Berman, and Steve Young make it an issue. ESPN makes it an issue. After all, who else even has the audience or the financial where-with-all to set the storyline for the Super Bowl?

The idea that ESPN is merely a documenter of the games we play and the culture we live in is patently absurd. One SportsCenter lead, or ESPN.com front page story, changes the conversation. And so, when the entire two weeks leading to the game are filled with feature stories about Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy and their "monumental" accomplishment, that becomes the story. I will be the first to admit I know virtually nothing about the history of race in the NFL (and I didn't learn anything in the past two weeks, ironically enough), but the idea that this is culturally important on a larger level is pretty much absurd. Furthermore, the idea that the typical American man is so prejudiced that he didn't believe these guys could coach based solely on the color of there skin - the basic underlying premise of ESPN's angle on this non-story - is insulting. And The Worldwide Leader - George Solomon included - should be ashamed of itself for making it what it was. They didn't report the news. They made it.

* - Of course, in order to feed the image that Solomon is actually critical of the network, his archive summarizes his thoughts in much more forceful, and sometimes contradictory, language.

Super Bowl Prop Bet Roundup, Part 2 - Bears Props/Game Props

2007-02-01T15:39:00.000-06:00

Sorry. For some reason, I haven't been able to log in for a couple of days. Now, without further ado...

I know. I can't believe I'm betting on him, either.

BEARS PROPS

There aren't that many Bears props that I like, but I'll take a few.

Rex Grossman first throw - Incompletion or INT (+110) - This goes without saying.

Thomas Jones rushing attempts over 17.5 - Again, this is self-explanatory, given my theory on how this game will play out.

Bernard Berrian longest reception over 21.5 yards (-130) - Even with the horrible vig, I think the Bears hit at least one pass for over 25, and it will go to Berrian...

Dez Clark longest reception under 16.5 - ...and not Dez Clark.

Dez Clark yards on first reception - under 10.5 - Does anyone else see a 5-yard out route on third and 4 here?

Robbie Gould total points over 7 - Cash money in the bank for a team that can't seem to finish a drive. Add in some conservative playcalling and this is a gimmie.

GAME PROPS

Coin Toss - Heads - My favorite bet of the year. And last year, tails was even money with heads at -120. I still haven't figured that out.

Who will receive first kickoff - Bears - This is a hunch.

Will either team score three consecutive times without the other team scoring? No (Even) - Remember, conversions are excluded. I always take this, and I almost always lose this.

First score of the game will be...non-touchdown (+115) - Field goals. Lots and lots of field goals.

Bad puns by Jim Nantz - over 4.5 - God, I wish this was available.

Longest FG - over 44.5 yards - Gould from 52. I guarantee it.

Total FGs for both teams - over 3.5 - Again, lots and lots of field goals.

Will there be a defensive/special teams touchdown? Yes (+135) - With the Bears prominently involved, along with Playoff Peyton Manning and Sexy Rexy in his usual form, this is a good line.

THE GAME - Colts (-7) vs. Bears

I've made one observation about NFL "strength-vs.-strength" games. While Tom Jackson is focusing on the Colts offense vs. the Ravens defense or the Saints offense vs. the Bears defense - and Mike Irvin talks about T.O. - you should focus on the other side of the ball. That, my friends, is where the money is.

So, while the Worldwide Leader dwells on Peyton Manning vs. Brian Urlacher, you should be looking at Thomas Jones vs. Dwight Freeney. And I think we all know that Thomas Jones wins that battle (even with Bob Sanders, if he's playing). The Bears keep it on the ground, with success, and Grossman has just enough to keep them honest. The clock runs right along with the Bears, limiting chances for the Colts. In the end, while I think the Colts win this game, the Bears and seven points are way too much. Colts 27-Bears 24

Good luck and happy hunting.

Super Bowl Prop Bet Roundup, Part One - Colts Props

2007-01-30T19:23:00.000-06:00

The third-best day of the year to be a gambler is only five days away. Giddy up.

(By the way, with the recent withdrawal of Pinnacle Sports from the US market - damn you, Jim Leach - I'll be using lines from Bodog. This should not be construed as support for Bodog. I'd never take their crappy 20% vig on props. I'll also be giving you the line from Sportsbook.com if the difference is significant.)

Go ahead. Bet against 6'4" quarterbacks with rocket arms.
Better yet, bet on that quarterback's ability to get 2 yards running.

COLTS PROPS

Peyton Manning total rushing yards over 1.5 (+105) [Sportsbook] - Remember, sacks don't go towards rushing totals in the National Football League. Dungy - oh, who are we kidding - Manning has shown a greater propensity to call for the run at the goal line this year. Plus, I'll take the chance that he scrambles at least once, especially with reverse juice.
Peyton Manning total touchdown passes + interceptions over 3 [Bodog] - This feels very pushy, but it will go high before it goes low. Remember, Cut That Meat has been a little picky-happy in the playoffs.
Joseph Addai total rushing yards under 65.5; Dominic Rhodes total rushing yards under 47.5 [Sportsbook & Bodog] - There's absolutely no way the Colts are going for 115 yards against the Bears defense. So take them both; at least one will win.
Starvin' Marvin Harrison receiving yards under 78.5 (even) [Sportsbook] - Marvin has gone for 48, 45, and 41 yards in the Colts' playoff games this year. I'll take those odds.
Reggie Wayne receiving yards under 76.5 [Bodog] - Again, the Colts have gone away from the receivers in the playoffs, in whay appears to be an attempt to limit interceptions thrown to corners. Wayne has had playoff receiving totals of 36, 51, and 68 yards. But if Harrison and Wayne don't get the yards, who will?

Dallas Clark receptions over 3.5, receiving yards over 50.5 [Sportsbook & Bodog] - Oh, yeah. Dallas Clark. Two things: Clark has been HUGE in the playoffs (as all former Hawkeyes are), going for 103 against the Chiefs and 137 against the Pats. Second, this is where teams have attacked Chicago all season, keeping the ball away from Tillman and Manning in favor of attacking linebackers in coverage. Clark should shatter these numbers.
Will a Hunter Smith Punt result in a touchback? Yes (+210) [Sportsbook] - He's only had five touchbacks all season. But more than 2:1 odds in a game where the Colts might take a touchback to keep the ball away from Hester? I'll take that bet.

I also like Dwight Freeney tackles + sacks + picks over 3.5 at Bodog and Bob Sanders tackles over 6.5 at Sportsbook. I think the obvious offensive strategy for the Bears would be keep-away, meaning a lot of tackles on runs and short passes for Bobby (plus, former Hawkeye in the playoffs).

Tomorrow, Bears props.

Ross Verba's Descent Into the Seedy Underbelly of Illegal Check Cashing (a.k.a. Not Everything That Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas)

2007-01-25T16:46:00.000-06:00

Oh, Ross Verba...

For those of you who don't remember our good friend Ross, he played guard for the last great Hayden Fry Iowa squad. He was seen as a genuinely good kid while at Iowa. He was a first-round draft pick of the Packers in 1997 (one of two Iowa first rounders, along with the long-forgotten Tom Knight). Believe it or not, he was a Christian missionary while at Iowa, and continued his religious pursuits in his first few...well, days, in the National Football League.

His pro career was going relatively splendidly through 2004. He had solidified himself as a starter on the Packers' offensive line. He was making good money. He signed a free agent deal with the Browns in 2004. But then, for reasons passing understanding, he negotiated a buyout of his contract with the Browns (might have something to do with living in Cleveland) and fell off the face of the earth. According to Deadspin, he was once accused of rape by a Cleveland woman, and he periodically surfaced in Vegas (once with $500k in winnings; once with Paris Hilton and Tara Reid). Although he had not played in over a year, Matt Millen signed him for the 2006 season. And if there was ever a kiss of death for a football career, it is a contract with Millen.

Apparently, the Vegas bug got him, because earlier this month he was arrested for failing to pay back a $50,000 marker at the Wynn casino (by the way, a gorgeous but thoroughly overrated casino). In essence, it was a bad check charge. His case was ultimately dismissed, after Ross paid back the marker.

The story itself is sort of unremarkable: Des Moines kid makes a killing in the NFL, loses his way (and, apparently, his religion), falls into a life of decadence, and is ultimately in jail. But the Ross Verba story makes me scared for Chad Greenway. I mean, Verba went crazy and he was playing in GREEN BAY. What happens when Freddy Smoot and the rest of Sex Boat 2005 get ahold of Chad? May God help us.

Then again, I graduated from Iowa, and I have yet to meet Tara Reid. So he's got me there. Go get 'em, Ross.

The Notice Board: NFL Championship Weekend Edition

2007-01-22T17:38:00.000-06:00

It's back...

CBS - Let's just get the Big Kahuna out of the way immediately. I'm a Vikings fan, and an NFC guy in general, so I don't watch too many games on CBS (especially since they own one HD camera). I watch even fewer with the sound. I didn't believe there could be anything more annoying than the Fox robot.

And then I spent 4 hours with Phil Simms and Jim Nantz.

I've always hated Nantz (dubbed "King of the WASPs by Deadspin last year), never more so than after the selection show last year (when he and Billy Packer bitched for half an hour about the inclusion of George Mason and Wichita State...whoops). The cheezy puns, the neverending pursuit of lame human interest angles, the maniacal grin with Hootie Johnson in the Butler Cabin (just kidding; I love that grin). It's all obnoxious, and it all plays to casual fans and morons.

Hello friends, I'm Jim Nantz, resident turd sandwich

It's bad enough that we're subjected to him for at least three of the greatest sporting events of the year (Selection Sunday, the Final Four, and the Masters), especially since he's inevitably paired with a blowhard who can't tell his ass from his elbow. But this year he does the Super Bowl, and he does it with the Mother of All Blowhards, Phil Simms.

Ah, Phil Simms, a man who spends most of each Sunday telling us about football despite having medium-grade Voice Immodulation Syndrome (also known as Van Orton's Disease). He constantly rips fantasy football players with a level of consescension generally reserved for art majors and Sean Salisbury. He repeats basic points of the game of football ad nauseum (for instance, he told us you counter a pass rush with draws and screens - a concept understood by most 12-year-olds - at least seven times yesterday). He is the textbook definition of an obnoxious blowhard. And I have to listen to these two during the Super Bowl? Holy hell, people, are there no decent broadcasters left? Can't we get Chris Berman to make a PSA, talking about how easy it is to pick up leather-clad blondes when you're a sportscaster, just so someone might stop this ridiculousness? And I haven't even talked about the CBS studio show yet...

Bill Simmons - Your team lost. They blew it. And you came out Monday and said just that, and it was slightly noble of you. Of course, you then somehow tied it to the 2004 Red Sox, and I hate you again. And, oh, by the way, your Friday column (a direct counter to a column at Kissing Suzy Colbert) made absolutely no sense. Then again, most of what I post doesn't make any sense, either. So we're in good company.

NutriSystem - OK, I'll bite: What the hell is the glycemic index? And how do we tell "good carbs" from "bad carbs"?

Boomer Esiason's Eyebrows - Bad News: They were apparently drawn on by Elaine Benes, just as Uncle Leo's were. And they have the same sinister downward slant. Good News: It gives you something to think about while Shannon Sharpe is attempting to explain the trap play. In sanskrit.

Bears - Or, more to the point, the Bear fan who put up this sign:

It's this kind of sportsmanship and tact that got the Cubs cursed. Stay classy, Chicago.

News Stories on American Idol - Did anyone else catch this last week? There was a flood of "American Idol is getting too mean" stories. Forget, for a moment, that nobody on Idol has openly blasted New Orleans (at least not that I'm aware of), but why is this news? To blatantly steal from Lewis Black, questioning whether American Idol is too mean is about #74 on our list of important questions, right behind "Are we eating too much garlic as a people?"

The Experts' Opinions - There will certainly be more on this in the next couple of weeks (I'm absolutely doing the First Annual Super Bowl Prop Bet Roundup), but Bears +7? Really?

Truthiness - In the wake of the Colbert/O'Reilly throwdown last week, I don't even know if the concept exists anymore...

Playoffs?! You Wanna Talk About Playoffs?!

2007-01-18T17:02:00.000-06:00

OK, better get to the juggernaut. But first, a word from Jim Mora...

Bears (-2.5) vs. Saints

Let me put this out there first. I LOVE the Saints. In a season where my beloved Berserkers completely tanked, I had to root for someone, and that team was the Saints. And it had almost nothing to do with Katrina. They were, quite frankly, the most entertaining team in the league. They were 8-2 ATS as a dog (and if you ever needed an example of how ridiculous the NFL has become, a team that went 10-6 and got a #2 seed was an underdog 10 times). They were a phenomenal 7-1 ATS on the road. They were part of my most gratifying gambling victory of the year, a 42-17 beatdown of the 'Boys.

I hate the Bears. I didn't until I moved to Iowa City (I was actually a Bears fan from the ages of 5-9, the last of the Walter Payton years). And I really didn't until I moved within range of 670 AM, The Score, which devotes 20 hours of every broadcast day to Sexy Rexy. Their fan base has gone from zero to obnoxious in approximately 9.3 seconds. Quite frankly, they're nearing Conrnhusker/Gopher levels in the hierarchy of hatred. Oh, and my turncoat dad walks around every Sunday in a Marc Colombo jersey (after spending the last 40 years as a Viking fan) (and, yes, he knows Colombo no longer plays in Chicago). That's why it pains me to say this:

The Bears will cover.

And you know why? Because (say it with me) "the Bears are what we thought they were." Say what you will about Grossman (and there hasn't been a more overblown story this season, T.O. non-suicide included), but they're money in the bank in this type of game. They're 4-1 ATS against teams over .500 (that the Bears have only played 5 teams over .500 is the amazing part of that stat). New Orleans is only 2-2. The Bears are 8-4 ATS on grass. Oh, and the game will be played at Soldier Field in what is predicted to be snow. As much as I love my Saints, I'm not willing to send them north of Mason-Dixon in January in a snowstorm without at least 6 points. Trust me, I hope I'm wrong on this one. Coach Green, your thoughts?

It's time to crown their ass. Bears 28 - Saints 13.

Mannings (-3) vs. Bradys

Are there any other players in this game? I'm not going to psychoanalyze the players here (that's best left to mental health experts like Sean Salisbury). I'm just going to say what I said last week. New England is 4-0 ATS as an underdog this season, and 8-1 ATS on the road. This has been the year of the underdog in the NFL, as it is. And I'll take the Golden Boy, his coach Frodo, and 3 points against anyone anywhere. The kicking game worries me, for sure. But the probability of another Manning collapse worries me more (have you watched the previous two games?) So, despite the fact that Indy has more Hawkeyes, and the fact that the return of Bob Sanders (I grin just typing his name) has completely changed the run defense, I'm taking...*shudder*...the Pats. New England 28 - Indy 24.

POSTSCRIPT: I have updated the blogroll on the right with some of my favorites. Enjoy.

SECOND POSTSCRIPT: The fantastic MGoBlog has posted their review of Iowa's football season, complete with a comparison to their preseason preview. Just about dead-on, except for where they say Adam Shada was our best corner.

Notes and Errata

2007-01-17T17:01:00.000-06:00

Time for the occasional grouping of things that don't deserve their own column (Bill Simmons has apparently decided that The Ramblings are no longer viable - what, with the time spent dissecting Brady/Manning again - so I'm picking up the torch).

Congrats to Iowa on their brave, (dare I say) miraculous comeback against Indiana. Iowa, who entered the game as 11 point dogs, were down by as many as 20 before coming back to beat the spread. It was like watching Super Bowl Gambling Memories all over again.

You can't spell "Freeman is only a turnover waiting to happen" without Tony Freeman.

Note from my brother (now known here as Panther County): "Remember when you were playing elementary school YMCA basketball, and you would try to identify the worst player on the other team and attack him mercilessly? That's what it feels like watching J.R. Angle."

Has there been a more ironic TV moment in the past five years than the UPS commercials featuring music by The Postal Service? Could you ever imagine the Yankees running ads with "More than a Feeling" by Boston? Or the Sierra Club including music by Smog?

We've all seen how Will Smith writes songs (in the most liberal use of the word) that reference his most recent movie release. But, with the new Shins album due out next week, don't you think they are writing songs specifically for use in the newest Zach Braff vehicle. Don't they walk into the studio and say, "We need a song that Zach's love interest can claim changed her life? Let's do that." At the very least, it could get them a little airtime at the end of the most recent episode of Scrubs.

OK, this is awesome:

I think the most annoying part of watching games on ESPN Plus (where Iowa has been forever relegated, now that we suck again) is that the announcers continue to marvel at Adam Haluska's quickness and speed. At least once a game, you hear "He might not be the fastest guy out there, but he can beat you to the hole if you're not looking." The problem is that, on most nights, Haluska actually IS the fastest guy out there. He was an all-class Iowa track champ in the 100 and 200. He's fast. By the way, he's also a dead ringer for Ethan Embry.

Don't be mistaken. That's not Haluska.

Really, this is a completely derivative Iowa team. Consider the following list:

Cyrus Tate is a poor man's Doug Thomas (who was, in turn, a poor man's Reggie Evans).
Kurt Looby is the second coming of Erek Hansen (long arms, too skinny, foul-prone to the point that he has to start every game on the bench in order to be on the court at crunch time).
J.R. Angle is obviously an unemployed, homeless J.R. Koch, who apparently had his name legally changed, scammed the NCAA into giving him 3 more years of eligibility, found his old T-shirt to wear under his jersey, and showed up on campus.
Tony Freeman is Midget Guy Rucker.
Seth Gorney was sitting in his house one day in 2003, deciding his future in basketball, when he caught an Iowa-Penn State game. He saw a Hawkeye center go for 18 and 11. It was at that point Gorney looked in the mirror and said, "My mind is made up. I am going to be the next Sean Sonderleiter." Mission accomplished, Gorney. Now, for the love of God, do what your mentor did and quit the team.

Ohio State later this week. Ouch. Until then...

Destruction of a Stupid Statement, Part 1

2007-01-11T12:37:00.000-06:00

I had planned on quickly discussing Iowa-ILLINI today (a pretty ugly basketball game, to tell you the truth, and a game that exposed the massive shortcomings of both teams), but I woke up this morning to the dumbest statement I've heard in quite some time.

My clock radio is set to a nondescript Fox Sports Radio affiliate. I couldn't even give you the frequency or call letters, as it's rarely on for more than 2 minutes before I can fire up Imus on my television. Someone emailed to say that, "after another 2-5 bowl season," the Big Ten was "a mid-major football conference with larger fan bases." This statement (obviously made by an SEC supporter, as the rest was on the greatness of Florida) is, quite frankly, too stupid for words. Here's why.

"You are an idiot! That is stupid!"

There has not been "another 2-5 Big Ten bowl season" since 2002 - In 2005, the Big Ten went 3-4 in bowl games. In 2004, it was 3-3. In 2003, it was 3-5. In 2002, it was 5-2. In other words, the Big Ten was .500 in the past four bowl years. This was unquestionably the weakest top-to-bottom Big Ten season in the past decade (only four teams were truly deserving of a bowl trip), and the 2-5 performance proved that. But that was an aberration, not another year of the same. By the way, over that same period of time, the SEC was 2 games over .500.
The Big Ten performs consistently well against the SEC - Both Big Ten wins this bowl season came against SEC opponents (Wisconsin over Arkansas, PSU over UT). Their 2-1 mark is consistent with the recent past; over the last 5 years, the Big Ten is 8-6 against the SEC in bowl games. Speed does not necessarily kill, EDSBS'ers
SEC "Home" Bowls - This never gets brought up. Bowl game officials have determined that finding a team that "travels" well and pairing them with a team from in-state is a recipe for success; you sell the hotel rooms and restaurant checks to the tourists, and you get a stadium full of locals for the game. This happens repeatedly in SEC bowl games. When Florida doesn't win a spot in the championship game, they routinely play bowls just down the road from Gainesville ('06 Outback, '04 Outback, '03 Outback). How many times does LSU get to play in the Sugar Bowl (2004, 2007)? This even extends to the Big XII South (Texas has played in-state in the 2002 Cotton and 2006 Alamo; Tech played in the 2006 Cotton, 2003 Houston, and 2001 Alamo) ACC, and Pac-10 (honestly, does Michigan get blown out if they're not playing USC in LA?)
Bowl performance is an imperfect indicator - That leads to my biggest point. Measuring conference performance by bowl victories is a horrible indicator of the actual strength of the conference. The layoff between games is ridiculous (imagine if we played the Super Bown on St. Patrick's Day). The "neutral sites" are generally anything but. The bowl tie-ins give some conferences an unfair leg up (the Big East won each of their bowl games, but they were also heavy favorites in each of those games; Big East teams played more bowl games against true mid-majors this year alone than the SEC and Big Ten have played in the last five). To say that we know a conference's level based solely on these games is completely absurd.

Which brings me back to the idiotic statement made earlier. To say that a conference with Michigan, tOSU, Iowa, Wisconsin, Minnesota, MSU, etc., etc. is "mid-major" defies nine different forms of logic, and truly deserves no response. But to say that the Big Ten constantly underperforms, while vindicated by one-year results, is equally idiotic. Considering the circumstances, the Big Ten constantly overperforms. It was a down year in the Big Ten, to be sure, but it was an abberation nonetheless.

I think a better rationale for tOSU's crushing defeat against Florida comes from poor coaching and a long layoff. I'd never thought I would say this about Tressel, but did he even watch a Florida game tape? The defense looked completely confused by the Gators' passing attack. The offensive line leaked all night. Smith was flat (undoubtedly an effect of 60 days off). Ohio State's season ended two full weeks before Florida, and it showed. Florida was apparently the better team, but not by this much. In any case, that's the season. On to hoops (and...God damn it, Florida and tOSU are good there, too).

Remember the Alamo

2007-01-06T11:42:00.000-06:00

OK, I'm back...at least, sort of. My internet is still down, so I'll be publishing whenever I can find free wi-fi. I've missed a lot (Boomer Sooner/Boise, Big Ten domination of the SEC...again, Ross Verba's check cashing scheme, the possible rejuvination of Iowa hoops, the USC song girl commando scandal), but I figure I had better start with the Alamo Bowl.

I was pleasantly surprised with the Iowa performance in San Antonio. Remember, this was a game with the defending national champion and preseason #2, who was in the hunt for the BCS title game until the last two weeks of the season, in their own backyard. Keeping it within the spread was pretty good (after all, Iowa was an atrocious 1-10 ATS during the regular season). Getting the ball back at midfield with 3 minutes to go and a chance to win was great. Nevertheless, this game wasn't without its share of faults:

For the entire first quarter, the commentators were waxing poetic over Coach Kirk's involvement in practice these past few weeks. In the days leading up to the game, the players were constantly discussing the hard work they were putting into preparation for the Alamo. And that's great, but why did it wait until now? Shouldn't Ferentz have been more hands-on after two straight October losses to Hoosier Daddy and Big Blue? What about after the Northwestern loss, when Wiskey was on the way? It was good to see Captain Kirk show up (and bring his team along with him), but it was about 2 months too late.
On UT's first offensive possession, we were told that the Iowa defense blitzed 13% of the time, by far the lowest number the Texas coordinator had ever seen. To tell you the truth, I was surprised it was that high. But, with their newfound sense of preparation, Iowa comes out and repeatedly blitzes in the first quarter. The result was a quick start on both sides of the ball and a lead at the half. When we returned to our typical conservative (read: idiotic) defense, UT rolled up the points. Tell me again why we should keep Norm Parker.
Speaking of inexplicable playcalling, the O'Keefe end around (it is NOT a reverse) option pass from the 48 was quite possibly the dumbest call in the history of Iowa football (the only other available choices are the corner blitz on the last play of the first half of 2000 Iowa/Nebraska - which led to a 40-yard touchdown pass and a second-half whooping - and any play involving Ronnie Harmon in the 1986 Rose Bowl). This team used the most conservative offensive calls in the past decade throughout the regular season, then turns into Boise when the conservative call is finally the correct call? Kenny Boy has to go, as well.
Drew Tate was, in the end, a complete enigma. I don't think we'll ever know how the injuries were bothering him. I don't think we'll ever know what kind of effect (positive or negative) he was having on his teammates. I don't think we'll ever know the depth of his shortcomings, which were exploited by so many Big Ten teams this season. But Drew won't be remembered for the past two seasons, or the quiet revolt by his teammates, or the bad thumb and rib injuries. He'll be remembered for Tate to Holloway. And, trust me, there are worse things to be remembered for.

And so, the end is here. It was a disappointing season, to be sure. It was a season so difficult on the fans that it surely turned some off. But the highs were as high as any in recent memory. The Iowa State win, and the cheers of "Hawkeye State" (trademark pending) were satisfying on a level rarely seen. And when I think of gameday in Iowa City, I think of Iowa/Ohio State, where the stadium has never been louder or more rabid. It was one of the most exciting games I've ever witnessed, despite the loss. We probably should have known sooner; the warning signs were visible against Montana, and Syracuse and Illinois were absolutely too close for comfort. But, despite the struggles and disappointment, it was an interesting year in Iowa football. Let's just hope next year is a little better.

...And a Happy New Year

2006-12-29T11:57:00.000-06:00

Sorry, my apartment's wireless internet is on the fritz, so I haven't had a chance to post this week. I don't know when the problem will be fixed, but I should be back next week sometime (even if it means I have to go to Barnes & Noble and sip on Frenchy coffee drinks while I'm writing).

In the meantime, Happy Second Anniversary of The Catch*...

* - By the way, my favorite is #34, who appears to be vomiting. It's even better than Vin Diesel giving us the flabbergasted Vin Diesel face.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-22T13:18:00.000-06:00

Well, for the moment, all is quiet on the western front. Hostilities between me and the state of Texas are being put on hold while I take a brief Christmas vacation.

I'll be back Tuesday. Until then, Merry Christmas to you and yours. On Iowa and Go Hawks.

The Revenge of Dr. Tom

2006-12-19T20:26:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't commented on the greatest night of Dr. Tom Davis' life. Saturday night. Drake massacred Iowa. The game was not anywhere approaching close. It was not a fluke.

And you know what? Deep down, I loved it, and I doubt I'm the only Iowa fan who will say that.

Dr. Tom got a raw deal. Sure, he was often criticized for lackluster recruiting, thoroughly average performance, and that never-ending press on defense. But Iowa is, at its heart, a football school. Dr. Tom understood this and planned accordingly. His teams may not have ever been great, but they was never awful, either. They did enough to keep up interested and, occasionally, a little more. Look at the raw data on Davis' thirteen years with Iowa:

Overall record of 269-140 (.658 winning percentage)
Big Ten record of 117-107 (.522 winning percentage; at least he was over .500)
Only three seasons in 13 in the bottom half of the conference
Nine trips to the tournament, with one regional final and two more sweet sixteens

Nobody's going to confuse Tom Davis with John Wooden, but those numbers aren't too bad. His numbers are far better than the Golden Boy has posted to date. He won, and he did it with a style that matched the state: Simple, understated, unassuming. He always seemed a little lower in stature than the other coaches in the Big Ten (and not just because he's short and troll-like), but that seemed to fit well. And, say what you will about his recruiting (I think "pathetic" repeatedly applied), he always got more from his teams than anyone believed he could.

Then came 1998. When Bobby Bowlsby botched the Stoops hire, and thereby put his job on the success or failure of the unknown Kirk Ferentz, he needed a big name signing to divert attention. That meant the good doctor was gone and the Golden Boy was in. It was to be a new era of Iowa basketball, where fans would watch talented and well-coached teams that could compete for a conference title year-in, year-out. Gone were the days of J.R. Koch and Guy Rucker.

Except Dr. Tom wasn't going quietly. Publicly snubbed and coaching as a lame duck, he took his final Iowa team to the sweet sixteen with an upset victory over Arkansas and a near-victory over #1 UConn. Even with the promise of the Alford era, the departure of Davis never felt right. And so when Dr. Tom took over at Drake, a significant number of Iowa fans were openly rooting for him. Finally, Saturday night, as the final seconds ticked down on Dr. Tom's best impersonation of Beatrix Kiddo, we all got our wish. We gritted our teeth and lamented the sorry state of our program, but we were grinning inside.

Dr. Tom has Hattori Hanzo steel

The great irony in all of this is that the Iowa team that got stomped by Drake Saturday night looked exactly like one of Dr. Tom's Iowa teams, right down to the slow-footed small forward named J.R. wearing a t-shirt under his jersey. Sure, Tyler Smith looks great, but Iowa gets a great recruit every once in a while regardless of the coach. The promise of the Alford era has never materialized. Our qualms about the end of the Davis era proved to be true.

The Notice Board: Alamo Bowl Edition

2006-12-13T18:24:00.000-06:00

OK, let's get to it.

On Saturday, December 30, at 3:00 P.M., the Iowa Hawkeyes will face off with the Texas Longhorns in the Alamo Bowl. Yes, that's right. What better way to end the most disappointing season in recent memory than a game with the #16 team in the country, the defending national champion, in their own backyard? We'll get to the breakdown of this game closer to kickoff (believe me, it ain't pretty), but you've all been waiting for a target list.

I've never really had a problem with Texas. I've always found them somewhat pathetic, to tell you the truth. But that's not going to stop me from putting them on notice:

Guys in cowboy costumes: OK, so my position on Lames is pretty well-known. I loathe them. And that picture of the ISU Greek parade was quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen. At least until I saw this:

3 Reasons to Mess With Texas

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Up until this point, I didn't really have a problem with UT. Now, I want to stomp them just to ruin these douchebags' weekends. And yes, by the way, I think that's Brandon Flowers from The Killers on the left. Somebody told me...he is a jackass...

Mack Brown: This guy is a treat. Look, he did an awfully good job with North Carolina before coming to Texas, he recruits pretty well (for having the nation's best non-Florida recruiting base), and he seems like a pretty decent guy, but the man is a pathetic game coach. If you haven't noticed, it's not too often that Mack comes from behind to win. It's even less often that he beats a team with anywhere near the same talent as his. UT almost never wins a close game, and rarely even competes with talented squads. Every season, he loses to at least one team with comparable talent (this season, tOSU), one team with a vendetta against Texas that he can't match (A&M; Brown has been saved up to this season by the equally inept Dennis "Tears of Thunder" Franccione), and one team that doesn't deserve to be in the game with his team (K State and, maybe, Iowa). Mack routinely makes such great football minds as Lloyd Carr and Ron Zook look positively brilliant.

And then he won a championship, and he beat USC to do it. I can't figure it out, either. Nevertheless, he is the reason I think Iowa has an outside chance.

"Oh God, Vince, thank you for winning despite my incompetence!"

Austin, TX: The home of the University of Texas and, by all accounts, a completely enjoyable place to live. I've never been there, and I don't have any ammunition against the city.

Except, of course, for this.

The Wikipedia entry for Austin states: "Two of the candidates for President in the 2004 race call Austin home. Michael Badnarik, mentioned above as the Libertarian Party candidate, and David Cobb of the Green Party both have lived in Austin." Of course, there was a third candidate who once called Austin home: President Bush. I guess nobody wants to claim the poor bastard anymore.

The Wonderlic Test: Vince Young did not graduate from UT. Apparently, it's kind of amazing he lasted three years, considering he scored a six on the fifty-point Wonderlic test that is administered to NFL Draft applicants. That's right. Six. It's a multiple choice test, so Barbaro would theoretically score about 12. The president of Wonderlic, Inc. has said "A score of 10 is literacy. That's all I can say." Of course, that means the average ISU graduate averages about 9. And yet Young, the savior of Texas football and the player who could overcome the walking mental deficiency that is Mack Brown is, ironically enough, mentally deficient.

By the way, Vince has been ca$h money in the National Football League since taking over in Tennessee. Doesn't this prove that Ron Jaworski may be slightly overthinking this game?

Gene Chizik: Former UT defensive coordinator. New head coach in Lames. Natural object of my scorn.

Roger Clemens: Look, I loved the man. He screwed the Red Sox, won a couple of championships with the Yankees, threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza, and then retired.

Except that, he didn't. He had a year left on his contract and walked away in most glorified way possible (including standing ovations in Fenway during the ALCS and Yankee Stadium during Game 3 of the World Freakin' Series), only to show up five months later in Houston. Steinbrenner, who had given Clemens a motorcycle for his retirement, was so angry that he took the bike back. Why was nobody other than me and Big Stein angry about this? Why wasn't there a 10-part Bob Ley special, with live feeds from Pedro Gomez from the bushes outside Clemens' house? Last season, he holds Houston hostage (alliteration, anyone?), and now he's talking about coming back to the Bronx. You know what? I don't want you back.

Reefer Madness: Ricky Williams. Former Heisman winner and NCAA career rushing yardage leader. A player so good he forced Mike Ditka into a dreadlock wig. Now?

...Well, not so much with the greatness. Puff puff pass pass, Mr. Williams.

UT Cheerleaders: Just an excuse to show you this:

Man, did I pick the wrong school.

Speaking of Hawkeye State...

2006-12-12T20:31:00.000-06:00

So, lost in the shuffle of my never-ending basketball preview was the fact that Iowa put the smack down on Iowa State in wrestling (really, the only sport where both programs can be considered in the upper echelon). The Clones were #4 in the country coming in. Of course, nobody told Tom Brands, resident badass. Needless to say, they were a little lower in the polls afterwards.

Do you think this guy would ever lose to Iowa State?
Or to anyone, for that matter?

Now, this win was particularly sweet for me for three reasons (beyond the fact that it's another win over Lames).

Two of ISU's best wrestlers, Travis and Trent Paulson, are twin brothers who went to elementary school with my brother. They were jackasses then. I'm assuming they're jackasses now. After all, they go to Lames. Well, Mark Perry came from 4-1 down to beat Travis Paulson at 165, and redshirt freshman Ryan Morningstar beat #1 ranked Tyler Paulson 3-2 in the last match of the night at 157. And, by the way, if you look for a picture of Ryan Morningstar on Google, the first three hits are 4-H hog show pictures from 6 years ago. Priceless.
The Greatness That is Cael Sanderson is the coach, and he got absolutely spanked by Brands. I swear, if I have to hear one more yokel talk about The Greatness That is Cael Sanderson, I'm gonna bust out the cross-face chicken wing on his overall-wearing ass.
Well, OK, part of it is the fact that it's Iowa State. I hate those bastards.

UPDATE: Apparently, after the Perry comeback against Paulson, Brands was celebrating and nearly got into a fight with one of the ISU coaches. When Dan Gable (hereinafter "God") went out to get him, the Lames assistant dropped an F-bomb on Gable. Now, you probably shouldn't use the F-bomb on Brands, but you DO NOT use it on God. Of course, this wasn't on the IPTV broadcast.

UPDATE:

At least Lames has plenty of heavyweights

I'm sorry. I can't help myself.

Hoops Preview, Pt. 7: The Missouri Valley Conference

2006-12-09T15:17:00.000-06:00

Now, the real basketball conference.

Remember how I said the Big East wasn't quite ready for prime time? Well, that's how I feel about Missouri Valley conference basketball. Once again, the MVC has a group of top-notch teams that would be competitive in just about any conference in the nation. They are brought down, once again, by a group of truly horrendous squads at the bottom of the conference. That being said, I think the Mo Valley is a better conference than either the Big Ten or Big XII this year, and that will be proven out over the course of the year.

So, how did we get here? How did an otherwise mid-major conference, filled with schools that routinely play second fiddle to their in-state counterparts, become the dominant basketball conference in the Midwest? That's difficult to answer. In some part, it is a result of the one-and-done mindset of top basketball recruits; the best players rarely play college ball through their junior years, making experience a commodity. However, the Big Ten and Big XII haven't been hit by the mass defections that have hurt other programs (just think of the good, senior-laden MSU and ILLINI teams of the past few seasons). Basketball also lends itself better to offensive gimmicks and recruiting in line with those gimmicks (doesn't every Creighton squad look identical?)

And I think a combination of those two factors has brought us here. A program like Wichita or UNI can build a reputation based on a specific style of offense, recruit based on that style (digging up and developing local talent), build players for 4-5 years (rather than expecting an immediate impact) and win ballgames. I think you need a combination of talent and experience to compete for a national championship, but the extreme lack of teams with both opens opportunities for those with one. That might not make any sense, but that's how I think it's happening. Now, a quick rundown of the MVC:

THE BOTTOM FEEDERS:
10 - Indiana State - Seriously, for a school that once had Larry Bird, this is embarassing. They're terrible.

9 - Illinois State - Ditto. And this is why the Valley won't be taken seriously again. Neither of these teams have a counterpart in the power conferences (even with Minnesota as bad as it is).

8 - Evansville - Slowly building, but never-ending backcourt troubles and a complete lack of a bench will eventually do them in.

THE PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE

7 - Bradley - Lose too much from last year; it's a rebuilding year for one of the better MVC programs.

6 - Drake - Well, they went to Lames and beat the Clones last week. And they've lost to Utah State and Troy. In other words, I don't have a clue what this team is capable of doing. I don't think they yet have the talent to contend, but they'll make it interesting for some teams.

5 - Missouri State - Here's where it starts getting interesting. Missouri State was criminally omitted from the NCAA's last season. At the time, Nantz and Packer were screaming about how too many MVC teams were in the Dance; two weeks later, we realized it was too few.

"So, Billy, partner of mine, do you think you can stick your head further up your ass?"
"Oh, I'm sure I can, Jim."

They return Ahearn at the point and experience in the backcourt. They're undersized but athletic in the frontcourt. They have already beaten Wisconsin and played tough with Oklahoma State. Their Achilles' heel (as with a number of other Valley teams) is a complete lack of depth; one injury could end the season. They also need to find some more scoring. That being said, I think Mo State goes slightly over .500 in the Valley. In the end, it's a third straight appearance in the NIT for the Bears.

4 - UNI - Lost their starting guards from last year's team. I was at the Iowa-UNI game this week, and trust me when I say they will be fine. I don't know if they're consistent enough from the outside to prevent teams from going zone and packing it in; that will, in the end, be the ultimate question. There is no doubt about their frontcourt. Stout and Coleman are the real deal, and are more than capable of dismantling larger opponents. You aren't dreaming, folks: UNI is the best basketball program in the state. And the irony is that they built it on in-state recruiting (with occasional trips to Minnesota), while Iowa and Lames have largely ignored Iowa kids to their obvious detriment. Come March, I think UNI gets the Valley's fourth NCAA tournament spot.

THE CONTENDERS

3- Creighton - The other Valley team I have seen live this season. They beat George Mason (aka America's Team), and thank God for that. Larranaga was an amazing jackass through their tournament run last year.

The space between Jim Larranaga's head and a
video camera is more dangerous than Fallujah.

Anyway, there's plenty to like about CU. They have Dana Altman (who has 8 straight 20-win seasons and is the safe pick as the best coach in the Valley). They have Nate Funk (honorary captain of the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars). They come off a season plagued with injuries, and that has given Creighton depth that you don't find in the other Valley squads. Anthony Tolliver could be a draft pick come June. The rest of the team knows their roles and plays them well. In other words, it's your typical Creighton squad. Oh, and by the way, they just signed the best recruiting class in school history.

The questions surround the health of a group of players who were injured last year, and those can't be answered until March. The other question is their play on the road; so far, they have lost at Nebraska and at Dayton. If they stay healthy and start winning the occasional road game, there's nothing keeping this team out of the NCAA's.

2 - Southern Illinois - Would have been #1 if I had put this together 3 weeks ago. They have the formula for MVC success: They return two starting guards, both seniors. They return two starting big men, both juniors. And the remaining starter, a sophomore, saw plenty of time last season (enough to be MVC freshman of the year). Experience, experience, experience. They also have experience on the bench, along with size. Barring injury, there aren't any glaring weaknesses. If Lowery has been gearing up for a run deep into the Big Dance, this is the year to do it.

1 - Wichita State - I don't think they would have been my pick on November 1. But then they beat LSU on the road. And then they beat Syracuse in the Carrier Dome. Oh, and they return four starters from last year's Sweet 16 team. Sure, they lost Paul Miller, but every starter can score (the only Valley team who can say that). They have a great home court. And they're well coached. Put it all together, and it's going to be a great season for WSU.

It Remains the Hawkeye State

2006-12-09T12:10:00.000-06:00

Later this weekend...

The UNI debacle (maybe it's the Panther State)
Mo Valley/Big XII preview
The triumphant return of This Week in the Premiership (I know you all love that)

Until then, death to the Cyclones...

Hoops Preview, Pt. 6: Dear God, Make it Stop

2006-12-04T19:00:00.000-06:00

We'll be working through a much less specific rundown of the Big XII and Mo Valley soon (not to mention a look at Iowa-Texas at the Alamo Bowl), but we've gotta put this Big Ten thing to rest. So, the final three.

3rd Place, Big Ten Conference: ILLINI

So, there's a problem here: I'm completely sold on Bruce Weber the coach. I'm not at all sold on Bruce Weber the recruiter.

The Good News: First, there are the returning players. Specifically, Rich McBride and Jamar Smith in the backcourt, and Brian Randle and Shaun Pruit in the frontcourt, give ILLINI experience and all-around players. All four of these guys play sold defense, see the court well, and can fill it up. So far, Weber has been divvying up playing time among everyone, looking for the guys he can rely on, but it seems apparent that these four will have to be a part of that picture.

Second, the schedule works well. ILLINI avoid road games against both Wisconsin and tOSU and hit what appears to be a low point in their current run during a relatively weak Big Ten year.

Third, there's Weber. He might have a reputation as a disciplinarian and a bit of a jackass, but he's a pretty damn good game coach and always seems to get more than he should from the talent at his disposal.

The Bad News: Well, it's more for the future than the present, but Weber's done it all with Bill Self's guys, and the word from Champaign is that the recent recruiting classes don't have that same level of athleticism or talent. As I said, Weber gets the most of what he has, but the mark of a top-notch program is having talent to go with the coaching. For this season, the biggest concern (and the largest hole in losses to Maryland and Arizona) is the lack of a true point guard. Dee Brown created so much offense with his ability to drive and dish; there doesn't appear to be an heir apparent.

Best Name on the Roster: I guess it's Richard Semrau or Rich McBride, but there's not much here. Does Ron Zook count?

All-Time Great Player: Probably Eddie Johnson.

Program High Point: They went to 3 Final Fours in 4 years in the late '40s-early '50s, but nobody remembers that, so we'll go with their 2005 run to the national title game.

Program Low Point: Their perfect regular season was spoiled by the Iowa Hawkeyes.

Projection: Mizzou might get them this year. If so, they finish 12-3 non-conference. I have them at 11-5 in the Big Ten. That's good for a 23-8 record and a #5 seed in the Big Dance.

2nd Place, Big Ten: WISCONSIN BOOZEHOUNDS

The Good News: Experience, experience, experience. As we saw last year with Iowa, experience and team chemistry can trump raw talent. Well, Kammron "Chris Rock" Taylor, Alando Tucker, Brian Butch, Jason Chappell and Michael Flowers are all back. That's all five starters from the end of last season. And those five have more talent than Brunner/Horner/Hansen/Haluska; in fact, Tucker is probably the best returning player in the conference. There's also plenty of experience on the bench. Throw in the typically huge Wisky homecourt advantage (72-5 since Bo Ryan arrived in 2001) and it's a recipe for success.

The Bad News: Despite dodging a bullet in the Big Ten/ACC Farce, the schedule is brutal. They already dropped one to Missouri State and still have games at Marquette, at Georgia, and against Pitt. Plus, they close with a home-and-home against MSU and at tOSU. Not pretty. But that's the only thing to find wrong about this team.

Best Name on the Roster: Doesn't Brian Butch sound born to play for Wisconsin?

All-Time Great Player: Michael Finley in a landslide.

Program High Point: A miracle 2000 trip to the Final Four

Program Low Point: Well, before Dick Bennett, they were terrible, so it's pretty much everything between 1940 and 1995.

Projection: They'll drop 2 of the aforementioned 3 tough ones and finish 12-3 non-conference. An 11-5 conference record (where they'll be at or tied for the lead heading into the last 2 weeks, then drop 2 of 3) gets them a 23-8 record, the same #5 seed as ILLINI, and an unexpected early exit from the tournament.

The Winner, Big Ten Conference: THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY

Holy crap.

The Good News: Did you watch the North Carolina game? I don't care that they lost. If Greg Oden is 65% of what has been advertised, they're practically unstoppable. Play the perimeter guys and Oden eats you alive. Pack it in to stop Oden and they shoot you out of the gym. They're faster, quicker, more athletic, and simply better than anyone in the conference. And Thad Matta is no slouch. And the program somehow avoided sanctions stemming from the Jim O'Brien era. Things are looking up, tOSU'ers.

The Bad News: Well, it's all contingent on Oden. His first game against Valpo wasn't on TV, but I've been told he looked pretty good (14-10 in 23 minutes). Still, it's a big leap from Valpo to the Big Ten. Plus, he may be spending too much time dancing with pantsless coeds. Should be OK, so long as he refrains from meeting up with Mo Clarett and getting his Goose on.

You! You right there! Take off your pants and dance with Greg Oden!
C'mon, do it for THE Ohio State University!

Best Name on the Roster: Othello Hunter. Apparently, Othello's parents thought Iago was totally cool.

All-Time Great Player: Sure, they have John Havlicek and Jerry Lucas, but is it too soon to say Greg Oden? No!

Program High Point: Forget the program. This is the highest point for the state of Ohio (unless, of course, you include the William Howard Taft administration).

Program Low Point: Jim O'Brien resigned in disgrace after giving $6000 to Serbian center Alexander Radojevic and an undisclosed amount to Boban Savovic, another Serb. O'Brien's apparent goal was to start an ethnic conflict with the Croats playing for Northwestern. Ironically, the moves actually led to a certain amount of reconciliation between the nations, as Savovic and Vedran Vukucic bonded over stories of singlehandedly destroying Iowa.

Projection: They still have to go to Florida, but could win that if Oden is OK to go. I'll say they finish 11-2 non-conference, 13-3 conference (nobody gets through the Big Ten unscathed), take a 24-5 record and get a #2 seed in the Big Dance. The Ohio State University should have a great shot at the Final Four (and they may even be able to keep the banner this time!)

Hoops Preview, Pt. 5: The Final Five

2006-12-01T17:22:00.000-06:00

5th Place, Big Ten: HOOSIER DADDY

They would have been in yesterday's post had it not been for the Duke game. So, the question is: Was indiana underrtated, or is Duke overrated? I think maybe a bit of both (though it is difficult to ever imagine Indiana basketball being underrated).

The Good News: D.J. White is healthy and looks great. And he adds to a decent amount of returning talent like Wilmont and Ratliff. Plus, it's Indiana, and home court is always worth at least 5 points. But, to tell you the truth, there's not much more.

The Bad News: There's plenty here. I always thought Kelvin Sampson was a capable, if unspectacular, coach. He recruited well, won the games he should have won, blew an occasional close one, generally imploded in the Tournament.

And then came Duke.

How you get your team back into a game, then blow all your timeouts before the 3:00 mark, is beyond me. After all, with TV timeouts and 30-second timeouts, there are about 30 chances to stop the clock per team. So, when his team was withon one possession, Kelvin decided it was time to use everything he had left. What happened was inevitable: Indiana got the ball back with about 10 seconds to go and down by 3, and inexplicably tried to drive to the basket before taking a desperation three. This should never have happened.

Throw in the departure of Robert Vaden, who left for the Mike Davis-led UAB (Dragons), and there are a couple of problems. Vaden was absolutely unstoppable at times (as in, at Carver Hawkeye) and will be sorely missed.

Finally, there's not much inside. Ben Allen is a perimeter player disguised as a center. D.J. White is generally the same. I don't know if there's enough here.

Worse News: Kelvin can't recruit off-campus this year because of more than 500 inappropriate calls placed to recruits at Oklahoma. Whoops.

Best Name on the Roster: The exquisitely named Xavier Keeling.

Greatest All-Time Player: Isiah Thomas has destroyed the CBA and the Knicks. Steve Alford has come damn close to destroying Iowa basketball and my psyche. Neil Reed destroyed Bobby Knight's coaching career. So we'll go with Walt Bellamy, who is in the Hall of Fame, set the record for most games played in an NBA regular season with 88, and hasn't destroyed anything to my knowledge.

All-Time High Point: They've won 5 national championships. Let's go with 1987.

All-Time Low Point: Well, that season led to this:

...OK, let's go with 1981.

Projection: They still have UK and UConn on the schedule, so an 8-5 finish against a tough nonconference slate isn't out of the question. I don't think they go any better than 8-8 in the conference (they only play tOSU and Wisky once, but they also only play Minny and Northwestern once). The Sampson era kicks off at 16-11.

4th Place, Big Ten: IZZO'D (a.k.a. MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS)

Good News: Tom Izzo is still at Michigan State. The man is such a good coach that they wanted to give him the football job.

Bad News: They lost four starters. But you know what? It doesn't matter. They have Izzo. Bow before his majesty.

Best Name on the Roster:

All-Time Great Player:

Program High Point:

Program Low Point:

Projection:

13-2 non-conference
10-6 conference
23-8 overall
and it's all because of Izzo.

Hoops Preview, Pt. 4: Wow, We're Ever So Close

2006-11-30T21:25:00.000-06:00

OK, so Dan Monson quit even sooner that I expected. Obviously, he reads Hawkeye State.

But, before we get to the next two teams in the Big Ten preview, a couple of things.

First, after last night, I believe Irish Hawk is right. Iowa should be behind Boiler, so make the requisite adjustments.

Second, the Big Ten/ACC Challenge was a sham. The Worldwide Leader (who puts on this ridiculous annual exercise) gave the ACC one extra home game. There are only eleven Big Ten schools, so someone has to get an extra. But look at the schedule. Every game that looked competitive on paper before the season (except for ILLINI-Turtles) was played on an ACC court: tOSU-UNC at Chapel Hill. BC-MSU in Boston. Michigan-NC State in Raleigh. Virginia Tech-Iowa at...wherever it is that VT plays. In the meantime, the games where there was no chance of an ACC win were on Big Ten home courts. It's amazing the Big Ten did as well as it did.

Of course, it gave Dick Vitale another reason to complain. He actually started complaining about last year's tournament field (specifically, the Maryland omission) during the UNC-tOSU game. It's a mid-major world now, and Vitale still can't deal with it. And ESPN is his enabler.

That being said, the Ohio State-North Carolina game was one of the most impressive displays of college basketball I've seen in a long time. If Greg Oden is as good as advertised (hell, if he's 65% of what's advertised), they're practically unstoppable.

OK, back to the countdown:

6th Place, Big Ten Conference (a.k.a. The Best of the Rest): BIG BLUE

The Good News: They have a whole helluva lot of talent. They return a lot of scoring (Lester Abram, Dion Harris), some size (the overrated Courtney Sims), and enough youngsters to fill out a pretty decent starting five.

The Bad News: It's not enough to make up for the fact that Tommy Amaker is coaching. Seriously, is there a college with more incompetence in important positions that Mich? Amaker, Carr, Mary Sue Coleman (that's just bitterness, but still).

Best Name on the Roster: Ekpe Udoh, whose name is made better by the fact that he's from Edmond, Oklahoma (pop. 68,315). He grew up quick, and he grew up mean, and his fists got hard and his wits got keen, I'll tell ya life ain't easy for a boy named Ekpe Udoh.

Ekpe's dad? HUGE Johnny Cash fan.

All-Time Great: Normally, this would be tough. Glen Rice. Rudy Tomjanovich. The Fab Five. But when I was a kid, my dad used to hip check us out of the paint and block every shot, and every time he did it, he claimed to be UM center Loy Vaught. So you know what? Loy Vaught is the greatest Big Blue cager ever.

Program High Point: National Champion, 1989.

Program Low Point: I believe there was something involving a time out...I think I saw something about that on the television...

Oh. Yeah. That.

Projection: 11-3 non-conference, 7-9 conference, 18-12 overall.

Again, I'm sorry, but I'm tired. This weekend, the final 5.