- Gary Barta (let me count the ways...)
- Steve Alford
- The people buying Kirk Ferentz termination-related domain names
- Steve Alford's Hair Gel (who knew there were this many snarky Iowa fans out there?)
- The Wizard of Odds (who broke Domaingate, and will hereafter be known in this circle as Woodward & Bernstein)
- Anyone who added a link to this site or added us to a blogroll
- Anyone who reads this site (I can't imagine why you do it)
- Google Analytics
Now, the short list of possible successors to the throne:
DANA ALTMAN - Current head coach at Creighton
Positives: Midwestern guy who has turned down other schools (most notably Miami (FL)) so he can stay in the midwest; very successful with Creighton for a very long time; well-known and respected by Iowa fans; runs a high post offensive system that would fit the program well; strong, if not spectacular, recruiter, who improves his players over time; recruits Iowa particularly well (Nate Funk, Kyle Korver, Ryan Sears, to name a few); Ferentz-like demeanor and attraction to the school; inside word is Iowa is the job he's waited for (loyalty should not be an issue); routinely kicks the crap out of his in-state rival (this year notwithstanding)
Negatives: Got canned at K-State; doesn't deal well with primadonnas (and so he doesn't recruit them, though that could be a positive); while he carries the same kind of respect at CU that Captain Kirk does here, he also has been subject to some of the same tongue-biting criticism as of late; hasn't fared particularly well in the tournament; not yet known if he can build a Big Ten contender with the type of players he regularly gets; is already making about $800k a year at Creighton with complete job security, so the offer would have to be significant
Prognosis: Despite rumors to the contrary, I still think he's the leader at the turn. If you didn't catch it in my earlier remarks, I think he is the Kirk Ferentz of basketball. And, in Iowa City post-Golden Boy, that would be a very attractive thing. Not the wildiest pick, but likely the safest. Odds are 2:1.
BRUCE PEARL - Current head coach at Rocky Top
Positives: Former Tom Davis assistant; proven commodity as a recruiter and coach; has told people he would only leave UT for Iowa (loyalty isn't in question); would drive ILLINI supporters crazy; coaches teams that are entertaining as hell; would no longer have to wear orange jackets
Negatives: May want too much money; has a tendency to implode down the stretch on occasion (as in, the loss against tOSU Thursday night); desire to return to Iowa is little more than speculation and gossip at the moment; may not be able to recruit the players he had at UT, thereby short circuiting the "entertaining as hell" basketball; may drive ILLINI supporters a little TOO crazy (and, believe me, they're unstable enough right now); oh, and there was the body painting thing.
Prognosis: Well, Barta's probably not going to ever have to hire a football coach, so if he wants to make a splash, this would be the pick. It would take a lot of moolah, but he was already paying a ridiculous amount to a basketball coach, and he avoided a buyout with Alford's move. It still remains to be seen if Pearl would consider leaving Knoxville. If so, I don't think the search goes any further, regardless of the price. Odds are 3:1.
LON KRUGER - Current head man at UNLV
Positives: Unquestionably successful at the college level (with a disasterous Tim Floyd-esque foray into the NBA); resurrected the legacy of Tark the Shark; Big Ten ties; solid recruiter with connections into Chicago; will also drive ILLINI fans crazy; give him two hours and a graduate course catalog, and he will find a way to get his son Kevin on next year's team; once offered fans of his awful Atlanta team a $125 refund on their season tickets; kind of looks like my high school math teacher; if he sucks, at least we can all say "Kruger, my son tells me your team STINKS!" in the Frank Costanza voice
Negatives: Has job-hopped a lot, and loyalty has to be an concern; has never been an trancendent game coach; without aforementioned Iowa ties, may take a job elsewhere; would you move out of Vegas?
Prognosis: I haven't been enamored with Kruger, but while writing this I realized there aren't any particularly negative things to question. I still don't think he's the top pick that some others do, but he wouldn't be a bad choice. Remains to be seen if he would take the job. Odds are 5:1.
CHRIS LOWERY - Current head coach at Southern Illinois
Positives: Another Mo Valley product with midwestern ties; his teams play stifling defense which I would give my right hand to watch; product of the Southern Illinois coaching juggernaut; Illinois recruiting inroads; hottest coaching commodity out there right now
Negatives: Hottest coaching commodity in a market where both UK and Big Blue are looking, so we might not have a chance; three former Saluki coaches in the Big Ten might be the first sign of the apocalypse; liable to get into a fistfight with Matt Painter, and Painter usually keeps a baseball bat under the ring for those sorts of things
Prognosis: If he doesn't get the UM job (or another one when a top coach goes to UK), Iowa could be an attractive option. Then again, he could just stay at Southern and keep winning the damn conference every season, too. I don't think we can get him. Odds are 8:1.
KIRK SPERAW - Current head coach, Central Florida
Positives: Young, talented, and successful; Sioux City native; played at Iowa under Lute; learned as an assistant under Lute and the aforementioned Kruger; built a program at UCF from the ground up; recruing ties in the south and southwest; wins a lot of games and makes the tournament occasionally, even though he coaches at a school nobody has ever heard of.
Negatives: Nobody has ever heard of him; has his own self-aggrandizing website, which seems a little Alford-esque; having two coaches named Kirk would almost certainly make my head explode.
Prognosis: The real dark horse here. If Barta wanted to make a pick out of nowhere and hope to be considered a genius down the road, this might be the choice. Would almost mirror the Ferentz football hire, in that he is an unknown coach with UI ties who may well see Iowa as his dream job. Don't count him out. Odds are 8:1.
GREG McDERMOTT - Current head coach of The Great Satan
Positives: Would only add to the inferiority complex of ISU (only Bruce Pearl would piss off a rival more); was considered the heir apparent if Golden Boy made the jump to Hoosier Daddy or Mizzou last season; has publicly stated an interest in the job in the past; loves Iowa (the state) to the point that he refuses to leave for employment elsewhere; could be announced in one of those "Hulk Hogan joins NWO" press conferences, where he takes a steel chair to Jamie Pollard's melon
Negatives: Known terrorist
Prognosis: Is not going to happen. Barta is too emasculated to make this move (and if you're emasculated by a guy named Jamie, you might have had good reason to purchase firegarybarta.com), and, frankly, I don't want him. Odds are 15:1.
OTHERS WORTH MENTIONING (JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE BEING MENTIONED ON THE eBAYS)
Billy Gillispie (A&M) - Surely you jest.
Tom Crean (Marquette) - Comical. There is NO CHANCE he's leaving Marquette (now a bona fide major program in the Big East) for Iowa.
Kevin Stallings (Vandy) - Maybe a little less myopia, but still not gonna happen.
Rick Majerus (your local IHOP) - Mentioned at the end of every season since 1995, but the age/health concerns/total obnoxiousness makes him a bad choice. He does know a lot about O-fense, though.
Bob Huggins (K State) - Too many concerns about graduation rates from the holier-than-thou eggheads. Too little time at KSU. I'd kinda like to see it, but it ain't gonna happen.
Bob Knight (Texas Tech) - Would be like watching Kill Bill every time Hoosier Daddy came around. He would be my choice. But he'll be 67 when next season starts, and his son has indicated that he thinks pops is going to call it quits soon.
Dr. Tom Davis (formerly of Drake) - Can you imagine the reaction from Bowlsby? That alone would make the return of the troll worthwhile. He's retired though. And you have to question the judgment of a man who named his son after the casino game with the worst odds, don't you? I wonder if his daughter is named Roulette.
Is there anyone else?
Larry Eustachy - Now we're talking!