Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Notes and Errata

Time for the occasional grouping of things that don't deserve their own column (Bill Simmons has apparently decided that The Ramblings are no longer viable - what, with the time spent dissecting Brady/Manning again - so I'm picking up the torch).

Congrats to Iowa on their brave, (dare I say) miraculous comeback against Indiana. Iowa, who entered the game as 11 point dogs, were down by as many as 20 before coming back to beat the spread. It was like watching Super Bowl Gambling Memories all over again.

You can't spell "Freeman is only a turnover waiting to happen" without Tony Freeman.

Note from my brother (now known here as Panther County): "Remember when you were playing elementary school YMCA basketball, and you would try to identify the worst player on the other team and attack him mercilessly? That's what it feels like watching J.R. Angle."

Has there been a more ironic TV moment in the past five years than the UPS commercials featuring music by The Postal Service? Could you ever imagine the Yankees running ads with "More than a Feeling" by Boston? Or the Sierra Club including music by Smog?

We've all seen how Will Smith writes songs (in the most liberal use of the word) that reference his most recent movie release. But, with the new Shins album due out next week, don't you think they are writing songs specifically for use in the newest Zach Braff vehicle. Don't they walk into the studio and say, "We need a song that Zach's love interest can claim changed her life? Let's do that." At the very least, it could get them a little airtime at the end of the most recent episode of Scrubs.

OK, this is awesome:

I think the most annoying part of watching games on ESPN Plus (where Iowa has been forever relegated, now that we suck again) is that the announcers continue to marvel at Adam Haluska's quickness and speed. At least once a game, you hear "He might not be the fastest guy out there, but he can beat you to the hole if you're not looking." The problem is that, on most nights, Haluska actually IS the fastest guy out there. He was an all-class Iowa track champ in the 100 and 200. He's fast. By the way, he's also a dead ringer for Ethan Embry.

Don't be mistaken. That's not Haluska.

Really, this is a completely derivative Iowa team. Consider the following list:
  • Cyrus Tate is a poor man's Doug Thomas (who was, in turn, a poor man's Reggie Evans).
  • Kurt Looby is the second coming of Erek Hansen (long arms, too skinny, foul-prone to the point that he has to start every game on the bench in order to be on the court at crunch time).
  • J.R. Angle is obviously an unemployed, homeless J.R. Koch, who apparently had his name legally changed, scammed the NCAA into giving him 3 more years of eligibility, found his old T-shirt to wear under his jersey, and showed up on campus.
  • Tony Freeman is Midget Guy Rucker.
  • Seth Gorney was sitting in his house one day in 2003, deciding his future in basketball, when he caught an Iowa-Penn State game. He saw a Hawkeye center go for 18 and 11. It was at that point Gorney looked in the mirror and said, "My mind is made up. I am going to be the next Sean Sonderleiter." Mission accomplished, Gorney. Now, for the love of God, do what your mentor did and quit the team.
Ohio State later this week. Ouch. Until then...


Irish Hawk said...

As of now Haluska averages more points than all but one player in the the Big Ten - Tucker (a player of the year candidate). The rest of the team is young and/or not good. All last year I maintained that Alford should run the offense through Haluska who was the best and most explosive scorer on that team. But it was never done. Sure, Haluska had good games but it was just him making plays for himself. They never ran plays to get him easy looks or consistently set off-ball screens for him so he could get some open shots (which he needs early b/c b/c he is a streaky shooter so once he makes a couple watch out).

Wouldn't make sense to run the offense through your best offensive player??? Last year Haluska had a much better supporting cast than this years team. They should have had the offense centered around Haluska with Horner running the point and shooting open 3s, and Brunner and Hansen inside getting junk baskets or easy looks as Haluska dishes when their man comes to help. (Think 1999 Connecticut with Khalid El-Amin at the point, the offense run through Richard Hamilton, and Jake Vaskal(sp?) picking up junk and getting boards - only to a lesser extent b/c Hamilton is without question better than Haluska) Instead, they centered the offense around throwing it down to Brunner and him throwing up crap or making bad decisions. Haluska was always the best scorer and it took this season, when Alford had no other option, to realize it and make the offense run through him. I only wish they did this last year, just imagine how good they could have been.

Christina Lexa said...

I almost fell out of my chair laughing at your Gorney analysis. From the perspective of a student season ticket holder, he's almost too painful to watch.

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