Monday, October 09, 2006

The Case Against Rachel Ray

So, any of you out there who know me outside this blog know I love the Food Network. I like Emiril (he's slightly annoying, but the food looks fantastic). I love Iron Chef. I even love Iron Chef America. And I LOVE Everyday Italian with the lovely Giada de Laurentiis.

That's why it pains me to say that I can't stand Rachel Ray. Let me tell you why:
  • Everyone has had an annoying song running through their heads over the course of a day. Sometimes it's something by Britney Spears. Sometimes it's something by 80's supergroup The Power Station (c'mon, you've heard "Some Like it Hot"). On especially bad days, it's "Apache" by the Sugarhill Gang (and that's going to be in your head all day now). Well, that's how I feel about Rachel Ray's voice; at least once in the course of my day, I will inexplicably think "I'm Rachel Ray, and I make 30 minute meals!" Someone kill me.
  • I'm a lawyer. I'm single (hey, ladies...). I have no children. I live in Davenport, Iowa. And even I can't afford to spend $40 a day on food. Though if wishing made it so.
  • The sound of her voice makes me want to cut off my ears with a chef's knife.
  • Now she's going for Oprah-esque market saturation. That means I have to watch a commercial with her (and the corresponding annoying voice) at least twice a night on network television. "We're going to have some R & R!" There is neither rest nor relaxation involved.

"I'm Rachel Ray, and I make people want
to scoop out their eyes with a soup ladle!"



That's why the general public fascination is inexplainable. She is neck-and-neck with Terrell Owens for most annoying person alive. Who could possibly want to watch and listen to her at any point in the day? "$40 a Day" is on right now, and the Elliott Smith suicide album is making me feel better than her show.

Now, as for the rest of the Food Network personalities...

...that's entirely different.

4 comments:

Kevin Brown said...

She's not even a trained chef! My mom got me her 30 minute meals recipe book for christmas and it sucks! The meals take an hour and a half to make...she must have AIDS to get it done in 30. And the food stinks. I'd take Giada or Molto Mario any day over this bitch......man i'm a homo for caring about this stuff.

Irish Hawk said...

Agree that the $40 a day show sucks. Like that is even hard. Anyone can do that. I do somewhat like the 30 min meals show only b/c the meals are so much simpler than on Emeril and Everyday Italian and I feel I can make without having to spend all day cooking and buying expensive items.

HawkeyeState said...

I knew as soon as I put that post up that Tyner would make that exact comment. That's only because we've discussed this quite a few times. But, hey, you have to admit that "Apache" has been lodged in your skull like a mutant tapeworm since you read this.

natalie said...

i have a crush on that italian chick, too, pat. i saw an episode when she was in italy and she'd say all these italian words that i didn't know... anyway she should be on more, and rachel ray less.