Hawkeye State: Rehashing the REAL stories

So, Terrell Owens attempted suicide last night. I'm not one to make fun of something like this...oh, who am I kidding, of course I am. Look, the fact that he's now saying he wasn't attempting suicide at all actually makes sense. I'm not saying he didn't try it. I'm just saying he's a media whore who feeds off this sort of thing. He has an enabler in ESPN (The Worldwide Leader in T.O. Information). He has a mouthpiece (albeit an incoherent one) in Michael Irvin. He LOVES this. Cycling uniforms. Situps in fatigues. Drew F'ing Rosenhaus. Idiotic books that fanatics snap up like crack. Jokes about his quarterbacks. Trade demands. Etc., etc., etc.

Did someone say T.O.? We got to be talkin' bout T.O.!

This jackass took up at leasy 10 minues of every SportsCenter by not doing anything. He was single-handedly responsible for 40% of Trey Wingo's dialogue from July through last week. And then the Cowboys had a bye and ESPN had to stay away for a week. Believe me when I say it was the best week of sports television since he joined the league (it still sucked, but not quite as much). But when you're so obsessed with yourself and your media image that you would do all the things listed above, and suddenly you're ignored for a whole week, you need attention so badly that you're seeing the baby crawl across the ceiling. And is there a better way to manufacture drama than a (non) suicide attempt. Of course, we all lap it up. I'm not going to make the obvious joke about this story (at least not until tomorrow), but I hate it nonetheless.

Now, obvious jokes about Ohio State? Those I'll make every day.

Well, maybe not today, because someone has to take a stand against T.O.-itis. Someone must talk about the real stories out there, and there are plenty of real stories out there. Of course, I'm not a reporter, so I'll simply steal other people's real stories.

U.S. involvement in the war in Iraq has now lasted as long as U.S. involvement in World War II. Tens of thousands of American men and women are over there now, fighting every day. I don't want to talk politics; I've tried to avoid it so far and will continue to do so. But I hope we can all agree that these brave people, fighting and, unfortunately, dying over there are more important than a football player's non-attempt at suicide.

To that end, I highly recommend the Deadspin article on Sgt. Adam Knox, a Reservist and rabid Ohio State fan who was killed in Iraq last week. Obviously, I want Iowa to win this week, but let's not lose track of what's more important here. God bless the soldiers and their families, Hawkeyes or not.

Funny stuff returns later tonight. I swear.