Friday, September 29, 2006

Athletic Dept. Releases Tailgating Rules & Regulations; Positively James Joyce-Like

So, the athletic department has sent an email listing the rules and regulations for fan behavior at Saturday's game. These are also available at the athletic department website, www.FireGaryBarta.com. They're ridiculous. To put it in perspective, it took God 173 words to give us the Ten Commandments. It took 1,294 words for the University to give rules for a football game. Among those rules:
  • No tailgating on university property after the game (as if anyone who has enough money to park on school property would stay up past Wheel of Fortune)
  • Parking spots in the Kinnick lot are reserved for I-Club members (Not me. Not you. Not College Gameday. This makes sense, though. All these geriatrics couldn't make it to the game in time if they had to park in Olive Court; it's really just the world's biggest handicapped parking zone)
  • For the rest of us, you can get on a train to the stadium starting at 3:00. See what it feels like to be a prize heffer on the way to the slaughterhouse.
  • No backpacks are allowed. However, I-Club members are allowed to bring their own team of sherpas to lug their crap to the luxury suites.
  • "Botas" are not allowed in the stadium. Apparently, boas are OK.
  • No objects may be thrown from the stands. I might break this one.
  • Hard liquor is strictly prohibited, mostly because anyone who parks at Kinnick remembers prohibition as "the good old days."
  • Inebriated people will not be admitted. Go ahead and try to stop me, Per Mar geriatrics.

"So, how do you guys like Hubbard Park?"

Well, this will likely be my last post before the game tomorrow. I'll be at Gameday tomorrow morning in an orange Maurice Clarett prison jumpsuit. I suggest you all do something similar. Enough is enough. It's time the students and the true fans rose up and delivered a swift kick in the groin to the administration, if only for doing everything in their power to ruin the biggest Iowa home game in 20 years. Oh, and Go Hawks.

4 comments:

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